28 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Annoying guy in office being sent to Victoria on ‘Special Assignment’ at 3:20 Tuesday

Following this morning’s ‘emergency meeting’ of the Management, Leadership and Everybody Except Jason Team, the office’s most annoying staff, Jason, is being sent on a special assignment to Victoria late on Tuesday afternoon.

The marketing coordinator, who is known around the office as ‘that guy who always bugs me to be in the footy tips every year’ has been given a USB drive with three Word documents to transport to Melbourne.

The total size of the files is 216 kilobytes, however, Jason was told that the files could only be safely delivered by hand.

Can you believe it? After twelve years I think I’ve cracked them, I’ve finally been accepted by the team.

‘I couldn’t believe my luck!’, Jason Spurklent told Adelaide Mail.

‘I never get to be involved with anything like this. The MLEEJ team came out of their little meeting this morning and said that they’ve got a very important job for me to undertake. And they want me to be the man for the job! Me! They still wouldn’t tell me what MLEEJ stands for, though.’

‘Can you believe it? After twelve years I think I’ve cracked them, I’ve finally been accepted by the team. Next step is getting a key to the boardroom where they hold Friday night drinks.’

‘They told me that you have to be working here for at least 10 years before you get an invitation to Friday night drinks, but I still haven’t heard back. As far as I know, only old Terry and Greg the cleaner have been here for long enough. Still they sound like they have a hell of a time every Friday. They make the noise of about 30 people, too! Man, I’d sure love to party on a Friday night with Terry and Greg.’

‘I don’t know where everyone else goes on a Friday arvo, though. Must knock off early, lazy sods. Can’t make friends if you’re not even in the office…idiots.’

Jason will leave on a flight to Melbourne no earlier than 3:20pm on Tuesday afternoon.

Tags: in Life, News
Related Posts

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

2 December, 2019

2 December, 2019

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South...

Nobody asking ‘why no Adelaide?’ about this band’s tour for some reason

13 February, 2019

13 February, 2019

Dozens of international bands tour Australia each year, with many of them bypassing South Australia’s capital in favour of its...

Adelaide Crows eyeing off homesick Victorian with first ever #1 pick at AFL draft

4 July, 2020

4 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT The Adelaide Crows are looking to the future, with the club seeking to wrap up their first ever...

Golden Grove resident protests removal of trees

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

As news breaks that over 180 trees will be removed from the streets of Golden Grove, one resident is doing...

You can still take the kids to Puzzle Park this school holidays, it’s now somehow safer

8 July, 2020

8 July, 2020

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

Desperate for a vaccine, people start lining up for Shotz like it’s 2005

26 March, 2020

26 March, 2020

As the world scrambles to find a vaccine for COVID-19, desperate and clearly confused South Australians are looking for anywhere...

Bloke in bucket hat heads straight to Maslins bushes for some reason

8 November, 2019

8 November, 2019

A Gawler man has confounded onlookers upon his arrival at Adelaide’s Maslin Beach, appearing wearing a bucket hat, long pants...

“SA wind farms to blame for Murray-Darling crisis, probably” – Morrison

14 January, 2019

14 January, 2019

Stand-in Prime Minister Scott Morrison has lobbed the political football squarely toward South Australia’s wind farms for the growing Murray-Darling...

Gays Arcade forced to change name after experts confirm it’s more of a mall

12 July, 2019

12 July, 2019

The LGBTQIA community (Laneway, Galleria, Business, Trader, Quickie-Mart, Independent retailer, and Arcade) are rejoicing as experts have changed the name...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas settles for Parabanks gig again

1 December, 2019

1 December, 2019

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

Study finds 97% of Medindie car crashes caused by drivers looking up Scotty’s kilt

28 March, 2019

28 March, 2019

The Road And Car Executive has released their most recent annual Medindie accident causation report, with some startling results. ‘There’s...

Adelaide in midst of annual coloured chalk shortage

7 November, 2018

7 November, 2018

‘Tis the season for Christmas pageants throughout the state, and with that comes the yearly coloured chalk supply shortage. Parents...

PM Scott Morrison takes credit for stopping the Buffalo

14 October, 2018

14 October, 2018

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has taken credit for stopping the land-bound, abandoned restaurant the HMS Buffalo while on a whistle-stop...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: