6 June, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Annoying guy in office being sent to Victoria on ‘Special Assignment’ at 3:20 Tuesday

Following this morning’s ‘emergency meeting’ of the Management, Leadership and Everybody Except Jason Team, the office’s most annoying staff, Jason, is being sent on a special assignment to Victoria late on Tuesday afternoon.

The marketing coordinator, who is known around the office as ‘that guy who always bugs me to be in the footy tips every year’ has been given a USB drive with three Word documents to transport to Melbourne.

The total size of the files is 216 kilobytes, however, Jason was told that the files could only be safely delivered by hand.

Can you believe it? After twelve years I think I’ve cracked them, I’ve finally been accepted by the team.

‘I couldn’t believe my luck!’, Jason Spurklent told Adelaide Mail.

‘I never get to be involved with anything like this. The MLEEJ team came out of their little meeting this morning and said that they’ve got a very important job for me to undertake. And they want me to be the man for the job! Me! They still wouldn’t tell me what MLEEJ stands for, though.’

‘Can you believe it? After twelve years I think I’ve cracked them, I’ve finally been accepted by the team. Next step is getting a key to the boardroom where they hold Friday night drinks.’

‘They told me that you have to be working here for at least 10 years before you get an invitation to Friday night drinks, but I still haven’t heard back. As far as I know, only old Terry and Greg the cleaner have been here for long enough. Still they sound like they have a hell of a time every Friday. They make the noise of about 30 people, too! Man, I’d sure love to party on a Friday night with Terry and Greg.’

‘I don’t know where everyone else goes on a Friday arvo, though. Must knock off early, lazy sods. Can’t make friends if you’re not even in the office…idiots.’

Jason will leave on a flight to Melbourne no earlier than 3:20pm on Tuesday afternoon.

Tags: in Life, News
Related Posts

Frome Street bikeway to be extremely beneficial for cyclist with very specific, straight 1.8km commute

29 August, 2018

29 August, 2018

After months of work, traffic restrictions, and millions of dollars spent, the new Frome Street bikeway is nearing completion and...

Modbury man and Brighton woman begin long-distance relationship

3 May, 2019

3 May, 2019

Finding love isn’t always easy, but a couple from opposite sides of the city are trying to defy all odds...

Kid dressed as Britannia Roundabout wins Adelaide’s scariest costume contest

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

Britani-AHH!!: Adelaide held its annual scariest Halloween costume contest this morning, with thousands of children from all around the state...

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

30 April, 2019

30 April, 2019

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port...

Decade old Puratap filter probably fine

22 April, 2020

22 April, 2020

When Darren* and Amelia* (names changed to maintain anonymity) purchased their St. Clair property in 2010, little did they know...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

OTR owners on-track to own literally everything ever created

23 October, 2018

23 October, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have doubled down on their bid to stage a hostile takeover of all...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

Man goes to Glenelg for New Year’s under impression it may be good

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020

A local Adelaide man will tonight undertake what many South Australians have fallen trap to in the past. As a...

Burnside teen reports child abuse after dad refuses to buy her BMW X3

28 August, 2019

28 August, 2019

A 16-year-old Burnside girl has resorted to reporting her father to the Department for Child Protection after he refused to...

90% of new Mortal Kombat movie just CCTV footage from Hindley Street

16 May, 2019

16 May, 2019

Adelaide is set to become a key piece of cinematic history, with the long-awaited follow-up to 1995’s Mortal Kombat to...

Man celebrates 40th birthday by agreeing with Leon Byner for the first time

12 October, 2018

12 October, 2018

Drew Ratcage has never been too bothered by the prospect of turning 40, that was until he found himself nodding...

Elon Musk regrets not getting a second slab of West End from The Commercial Hotel in Jamestown

28 June, 2018

28 June, 2018

Global entrepreneur and deadset legend, Elon Musk, is still reminiscing about installing the world’s largest battery in South Australia’s far...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

Nuff: We interviewed this garden gnome wearing a POWER shirt and he couldn’t even name their captain

5 February, 2020

5 February, 2020

Somewhere in the backstreets of Glanville sits a cocky garden gnome claiming allegiance to the POWER. Within a manicured low-maintenance...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: