New school zone speed limits “definitely not revenue-raising” says new Police Commissioner, a six-foot tall Fabergé egg

South Australia’s new 40km/h school zone speed limits have come under fire, with motorists labelling them “confusing”, “pointless” and “why can’t I just mow down children if they get in the way of my car like the good old days? Why do you think I bought this gargantuan ute? It wasn’t to avoid running into things like people, was it?”

However, those calling the new speed limits “revenue raising” have been rebuked by the state’s new Police Commissioner, a six-foot tall Fabergé egg.

The egg, known to his colleagues simply as Mr Egg (a name that even this satirical writer thinks could have used some workshopping) was installed as the state’s highest-ranking police officer after the first round of the new speeding fines cleared the State Government’s bank accounts.

News of Mr Egg’s appointment has divided commenters online, with many taking to the comments section of The Advertiser’s Facebook to express their dismay at the appointment.

“I remember when we just had regular chicken eggs as our police not these ridiculous foreign ones,” one comment read after we heavily spell-checked it.

Others pointed their fingers at the Prime Minister: “These woke new speed limits are what happens when you elect Scamthony Albanese, reap what you sow”.

While others were more circumspect: “How can I blame Indian immigration for this?”