The news of Adelaide securing the LIV Golf until 2031 and North Adelaide Golf Course initially earmarked to be the tournament’s new home has changed after event organisers forgot about the sheer disdain North Adelaide residents have for literally anything in this world.
In a shocking turn of events, it has been announced the LIV Golf tournament has been forced to relocate its 2026 event to the humble Valley View Par 3 golf course. This comes after fierce opposition from North Adelaide residents, who argued that hosting the tournament at the “prestigious” public North Adelaide Golf Course would disrupt their serene lifestyle of early morning walks, early afternoon noise complaints, and early evening writing letters to the Advertiser.
LIV Golf CEO, Greg Norman, expressed his disappointment at the decision stating ‘We tried to reason with the North Adelaide residents, but we knew they wouldn’t budge. I mean, LeCornu Site, Aquatic Centre, you know how these things are in that area’.
‘They claimed our tournament would attract “undesirable elements” to their leafy paradise. Ironic, considering their suburb is already home to several politicians, councillors, and plenty of…well, if you know, you know’.
‘Which is why we’re pleased to announce that LIV Golf 2026 will be held at the illustrious Valley View Par 3!’ exclaimed Greg Norman, pulling a tablecloth off a medium sized Officeworks printed canvas displaying a hastily edited Google Maps aerial screenshot of the Grand Junction and North East Road surrounds.
‘Well known for its well duck-shit fertilised fairways and 60 metre holes, Valley View is sure to offer a surely adequate experience for LIV Golf players and attendees. Sure, it’s not quite Augusta National yet, but did you see the crowd at LIV this year? At least half of attendees have never seen a golf course before, so what the hell difference does it make?’ Greg Norman quickly concluded before pushing absolutely massive fistfuls of Riyals through a note counter.
Valley View Par 3 Golf Club is now abuzz with activity as its worker frantically tries to prepare the course for the influx of LIV Golfers and their entourages.
‘Yeah, this is great news for us!’ said Beau Gee, Valley View Golf Club President/Greenskeeper/Driving Range Cart Boy. ‘Well chuck out some new astroturf tee mats, put a coupla’ extra sausage rolls in the pie warmer, and make every hole a party hole. I’ll get the laminated certificates ready for all the hole in ones. Simple as. Won’t be cheap though, so when do I get some of that sweet Saudi coin?’
North Adelaide residents are now complaining that the change to Valley View has taken away from tourist spending in their local economy.
