Premier Peter Malinauskas has announced a three-million dollar royal commission into AI and how it could be used to carry out regular human tasks, like chopping down trees or shoving members of the Adelaide Park Lands Association.
The announcement comes following Mr Malinauskas’s US trip that was suspiciously timed to coincide with the biennial ‘Regional Heads Of Government Shirtless In Municipal Swimming Pools Competition’.
Adelaide Mail spoke to the Premier’s Advisor for Emerging Technology, Golf Course Design and Katy Perry Albums, Yewlings Godblessyee, about the origins of the inquiry.
“It actually came about after we were joking in a hotel bar that ‘AI’ could stand for ‘Arborist Intimidator’ or ‘Adelaide Park Lands Association Infraction Officer’. That second one wasn’t Pete’s best work, but we were about 14 taxpayer-funded bourbons deep at that point.
“We got talking and it became apparent very quickly that the best way to get a bunch of clips for Labor’s social media team was to have feisty MPs skewer execs from big tech companies in parliamentary inquiries. Unfortunately, nobody from OpenAI agreed to come to SA just to be repeatedly asked whether or not they’re Chinese so we had to go with a royal commission.”
It is understood the scope of the royal commission will include such questions as: whether or not you really should be saying thank you to AI chatbots and how much water the technology really needs to operate.
“The Premier is championing a particularly water-hungry model of artificial intelligence which is terrible at almost everything it tries to do except using a terrifyingly large volume of water to operate. But if you’re suggesting that he has some nefarious plan to use so much AI that it eventually kills all the trees in Adelaide’s parklands by using up all available potable water on earth, you’re crazy.”
We weren’t suggesting that, but now we’re almost certain that’s what he’s up to.
