If bees are going extinct, why are we still seeing this idiot everywhere?

TRENT BARTLETT

South Australians have called for more ambitious targets to increase climate-changing fossil fuel emissions to better combat the existence of Trev the Bee, the insufferable anthophilic flying mascot for the state’s roadside assist service.

Lobby groups, including Australians for Research into Science & the Environment (ARSE) say that they had been worried about the demise of bees, but the emergence of this particular insect has them reconsidering whether or not the expected extinction is actually a bad thing.

“We’ve long said that bees are vital to our ecosystem,” said ARSE spokesperson Fiona Larvae. “But if this is what our climate targets are delivering, maybe it’s time to give coal another go.

“The worst part is that we can’t even say why we hate him so much. We’re not sure if it’s because he’s a half-man/half-bee hybrid. If it’s the fact that he’s got a smug look on his bee face. Or if it’s the fact that his helpful disposition and unusually good skin make us think he’s hiding something.”

Meanwhile, Head of the RAA’s Mascot Division, Chuck Hill says that he can feel the love for Trev amongst RAA members but would like them to stop sending letters volunteering to be stung by Trev.

“We’re not sure that members realise that if Trev stings you, he dies, but they keep suggesting the idea. Incessantly. Out of love, we’re sure. Either way, if we do find ourselves in a situation where we have to replace the beloved Trev we already have a replacement in line.”

At this point, Hill opened up his laptop to reveal a pitch deck introducing us to Coney, the Anthropomorphic Traffic Cone.

“We think people are going to fall in love with Coney in the exact same way they fell in love with Trev. He’s a talking embodiment of the interminable roadworks that cover South Australian roads, signifying progress in transport. WHAT’S THERE NOT TO LOVE???”