7 September, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Growing number of tobacco stores going un-firebombed thanks to fuel crisis

TRENT BARTLETT

Concerned South Australians have begun speaking out about the unsettling trend of tobacco stores around the city and state going un-firebombed for weeks.

Authorities have confirmed that firebombing rates have plummeted over the past month, coinciding with soaring petrol prices across the country.

SAPOL’s Head of Molotov Cocktails, Firebombs and Accidentally Getting A Bit Of Petrol On Your Shoe When You Fill Up And Then Getting Worried About Your Shoe Catching Fire On The Way Home Superintendent Harrison Plusone told Adelaide Mail that would-be firebombers should “think twice” before attacking their next tobacco store.

“What we are saying is if you are thinking about filling up a couple of jerry cans to commit arson, think about what your actions are doing to contribute to further raise fuel prices,” Plusone told Adelaide Mail.

“Our suggestion is that you avoid firebombing any tobacco stores for the foreseeable future, or if you have to firebomb a tobacco store, maybe think about carpooling or catching public transport to your attack target. You might also want to think about other devices, like a sparkler bomb, perhaps”.

Meanwhile tobacco store owners have been left at a loose end, with several taking to local Facebook groups to share their feelings of boredom with the current situation.

“I don’t really know what to do with myself every night,” wrote one tobacco store owner on the ‘Blokes, Smokes and COVID Hoax Discussion’ Facebook Group. “It’s strange not coming in to sweep up shattered glass or extinguish a blaze. I’ve been leaving the doors unlocked and alarm off to see if we can get some things happening, but petrol’s just crazy. Don’t understand why PT can’t be free,” wrote another.

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