27 January, 2023

Dangerfield tells tribunal Crows showed him “No Respect, No Respect At All”

DAN SCHMIDT

As news breaks that Geelong Cats star Patrick Dangerfield will miss three AFL games for a careless hit on Adelaide’s Jake Kelly, Adelaide Mail was granted press access to the tribunal and observed the following.

Dangerfield, donning a tacky black suit pled his case stating that the Crows showed him ‘Absolutely no respect, I tell ya’. I used to work with these guys you know? I’m tellin’ ya’ 150 games and we were happy together, then they got to know me’.

Constantly adjusting his bright red tie and pausing briefly between each sentence, Dangerfield continued.

‘And don’t get me started on the Crows fans, they don’t give me no respect. After the game my tie caught on fire during the press conference, some guy tried to put it out with an axe’.

When questioned about the head contact, Dangerfield replied ‘Completely unintentional. I’m married so I don’t even know what head feels like anymore, you know?’ whilst looking around the room and shrugging.

With his case not looking strong and his forehead sweat requiring constant wiping, Dangerfield kept telling the panel ‘You know, you guys are alright’.

Patrick Dangerfield was initially suspended for two matches, but was given an extra game after telling a string of ex-wife jokes that were deemed to be of no relevance to the proceedings at all.

In a final attempt to liven up the tribunal, Dangerfield pulled out a tray of cocktails as the chorus of Journey’s “Any Way You Want It” blasted out of nowhere.

Editor’s Note: Apologies to our millennial readers who won’t get this article at all. But seriously, go watch Caddyshack or look up Rodney Dangerfield on YouTube. No, you can’t cancel him, he’s dead.

in News, Sport
Related Posts

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

22 November, 2019

22 November, 2019

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online...

Superloop gives up, starts referring to itself as ‘Clipsal’

21 February, 2019

21 February, 2019

Before the first Superloop 500 event has even started, the company behind the naming rights has reportedly already given up...

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

Local woman decides to ruin day by reading comments on Advertiser article

30 May, 2022

30 May, 2022

‘Maybe someone has something insightful to ad’ mistakenly thought Tay Bloyd once again. Despite having a perfectly fine morning, Tay...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

Ian Perrie also rejects AFL Hall Of Fame honour in solidarity and because he wasn’t offered

11 June, 2021

11 June, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Adelaide Crows superstar forward Ian Perrie has become the second Australian football legend to turn down the honour...

Calm down mate, it’s Monarto, not Zimbabwe

10 January, 2019

10 January, 2019

Equipped with the most expensive DSLR and biggest telescopic lens Ted’s Cameras had in stock, Gavin Numpty of Murray Bridge...

First stage of Tour Down Under won by lost Uber Eats rider

21 January, 2020

21 January, 2020

Today the Barossa hosted the first men’s stage of the Tour Down Under, a gruelling 150 kilometre slog even for...

North East Road to be 100% service stations by 2026

9 January, 2020

9 January, 2020 1

With the rise in popularity of X Convenience service stations and OTR’s “they build one, we build two” policy, urban planning experts have revealed that this exponential growth will lead to North East Road becoming entirely lined with service stations by mid-2026.

Two hour line to smell putrid flower proves there’s still heaps to do in Adelaide

10 January, 2023

10 January, 2023

Sydney may have the Harbour, Melbourne may (wrongly) have the Formula One, and Perth may have whatever it is they...

12-year-old Goolwa resident VERY happy with his latest artwork

29 September, 2020

29 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT It was a fleeting moment of inspiration that struck 12-year-old Pervis Persimmon on his Sunday afternoon walk past...

Election announced: Someone in Mt Barker orders 1,000 novelty cheques

11 April, 2019

11 April, 2019

Following the announcement from acting Prime Minister Scott Morrison that Australians will go to the polls on May 18th, somebody...

SA Dentists host annual Farmers Union Iced Coffee appreciation night

9 December, 2019

9 December, 2019

South Australia’s dentists gathered for their industry’s night of nights on Saturday night, with their annual Farmers Union Thanksgiving Dinner....

Man considers moving after reading local Tea Tree Gully Facebook group

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

Less than 48 hours after joining the local community Facebook group “WHATS GOING ON IN TEA TREE GULLY”, lifetime North-East...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: