5 March, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

PSA: Victorians reminded to make their highly original jokes about Adelaide before midnight tonight

TRENT BARTLETT

Victorians are being reminded that the opportunity to make their scintillatingly witty observations about the South Australian capital and its nightlife will end at midnight Saturday night.

After just three days of the South Australian lockdown, many Victorians are complaining that the opportunity to throw their original and very, very…very funny jokes across the border is ending far too soon.

Tommy Dillon is one of a seemingly endless list of interchangeable Melbourne comedians with a breakfast radio show, he told Adelaide Mail that the lifting of the lockdown is just another pointed stab at comedians in an already tough year.

I did drive down Hindley Street and it was creepy just how deserted the streets were on a Saturday night. It wasn’t during lockdown, that’s just what Adelaide is always like because it’s so fucking boring

‘Hey how you doin’ tonight? Great to be here. So excited to be back in Adelaide,’ Dillon told Adelaide Mail, presumably out of muscle memory from every morning when he pretends to be living in the city he’s broadcasting into and not his home radio studio in Fitzroy.

‘I love Adelaide, I do. It is a quiet city though, isn’t it, Adelaide? I love how in Adelaide you can cross King William Street in the middle of peak hour and the only thing you need to worry about is being murdered and stuffed into a barrel by a serial killer. I love that about Adelaide.’

‘It’s great though Adelaide,’ the comedian continues, ‘I love it here, I do! Last time I was here in Adelaide was for the Adelaide Fringe and I played a show during the Clipsal, you know the Clipsal? If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to walk through a drunk, homophobic’s armpit while worrying about being murdered and stuffed into a barrel, just wander down Rundle Street on the Saturday night of the Clipsal.’

At this point we were eating out of the palm of the generic Melbourne comedian’s hands. I mean, how did know about the Clipsal? That is VERY funny!

‘It’s been a tough lockdown for you guys, of course. We had a tough lockdown in Melbourne. Dictator Dan, that’s what they were calling our Premier. DICTATOR DAN! I don’t know if you know this, but Dictator Dan brought in the toughest lockdowns in Australia…that is until your guy, Premier Steve said: “No way! We’re gonna make a tougher lockdown. We’re not even gonna let you order a Souvlaki on UberEats.’

‘You can’t even go out to Hindley Street! Actually, I did drive down Hindley Street and it was creepy just how deserted the streets were on a Saturday night. It wasn’t during lockdown, that’s just what Adelaide is always like because it’s so fucking boring. The most fun you can have in Adelaide is getting murdered and stuffed into a barrel by a serial killer…yeah, otherwise known as a Tuesday night in Elizabeth.’

Come on, I mean, how does he know about Elizabeth? It’s funny because Elizabeth is a low socioeconomic area. Very, very funny.

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