US President Donald Trump has confirmed he has been accidentally pursuing the purchase of Greenland after years of believing it was Victor Harbor’s Greenhills Adventure Park, citing its “strategic location” and also its go-karts.
In a meandering Truth Social post, Trump revealed that he had been briefed about Greenland being “mostly ice”, but assumed that this part of the briefing was referring to the state of drug addiction in South Australian country towns.
Trump then shared satellite images of the long-closed amusement park, which he praised as “tremendous parklands and tremendous dangerous gum trees, some of the most dangerous gum trees, branches falling all the time, and you know in four years of Joe Biden he only invested, and people are saying he’s a dangerous man, very dangerous man, Sleepy Joe and Hillary, Crooked Hillary in bed with Russia, they tried to say that I was working with the Russians, you know, but she should be in jail and he only, for all his time, he only brought in a thousand dollars of investment into Greenland for the paddle boats, you know they’ve got these boats and you sit in them and you have to pedal like a bicycle, I was shown a photo of Pete Buttigieg on one of those boats and he’s pedalling to work on a paddle boat and I think ‘Can you believe he thinks he’s going to try and run for President and he’s going to work on a paddle boat?’”
According to Trump’s current Advisor for Hostile Takeovers of Small Countries, Territories, Theme Parks and Golf Courses, Geanna Maralagoface, the President plans on “doing something with Greenhills Adventure Park, whether they like it or not”, and that he’s “very interested in the Par 3 Golf Course, on which he has already shot 18”.
