6 October, 2022

Introducing “Dazzaland”! A Darren Jarman themed indoor amusement park

DAN SCHMIDT

With the top two floors of the Adelaide Myer Centre only now about half as exciting as they used to be, the Centre has announced the development of a new indoor amusement park “Dazzaland”, devoted entirely to ex-Adelaide Crow Darren Jarman, in the space “Dazzeland” used to occupy.

Following the trend of a Scottish Motel, Dazzaland will feature many amusements related to the South Australian Hall of Fame recipient.

A new roller coaster named “Dazz Junction” will open, signifying the ups and downs of his career. From the heights of the dual premierships with the Adelaide Crows, to the lows of not making the finals in the following years, then back to the highs of retirement when he could smash as many beers as he liked.

Spokeswoman for the Adelaide shopping complex, Mya Senna, told Adelaide Mail ‘We’re very excited to bring an amusement park back to our world-class shopping centre. There will be some slight changes from Dazzeland. For instance, instead of the recording of people screaming on the roller coaster, it will be replaced with the audio from the crowd roaring when he kicked that goal while on his back against Richmond. The audio will be on a continuous loop, I’m sure it won’t get annoying for traders or shoppers’.

Other attractions at Dazzaland will include a West End Draught Fountain and a bird sanctuary made up of only Roosters, Hawks and Crows. If successful, a northern-suburbs petting zoo will be opened themed around the other Jarman brother, “Andrew’s Farm”.

Related Posts

North East Road to be 100% service stations by 2026

9 January, 2020

9 January, 2020 1

With the rise in popularity of X Convenience service stations and OTR’s “they build one, we build two” policy, urban planning experts have revealed that this exponential growth will lead to North East Road becoming entirely lined with service stations by mid-2026.

Entire train deeply confused by passenger getting off at Chidda

14 November, 2019

14 November, 2019

In a completely unprecedented situation, a passenger on a Gawler Central-bound train has alighted at Chidda Railway Station. Witnesses on...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

Mental health advocate lodges complaint over use of ‘Mad March’

5 March, 2019

5 March, 2019

In an unsurprising turn of events, a university academic with too much time on his hands over the summer break...

Gepps Cross Home HQ responsible for 30% of SA divorces

10 February, 2022

10 February, 2022 1

Researchers have found that nearly a third of all South Australian divorces can be contributed directly to a single source,...

Far-Ken Hall! Adelaide’s biggest plumber goes rural

2 October, 2019

2 October, 2019

Adelaide’s biggest plumbing business, Ken Hall Plumbers is expanding its operations across rural South Australia. Marketing manager for Ken Hall...

To rival Power’s 3 Game Membership, Crows offer 3 Quarter Membership

3 August, 2021

3 August, 2021

With Port Adelaide Power Football Club (est. 1997) claiming they now have the most members of any AFL club, yet...

Peter Van’s to close; Advertiser wonders how many more times it can use phrase “Party’s over”

24 January, 2020

24 January, 2020

As news emerged that Adelaide’s resident Party Man, Peter Van will be ceasing all partying come March, subeditors at satirical...

OTR’s solution to unhappy customers: Get rid of the angry man button

3 December, 2019

3 December, 2019 1

Having grown annoyed at the constant stream of customers pushing the ‘angry’ button upon exit, OTR has moved to eliminate...

These 6 gifs of Keith Martyn are such 2020 mood vibes

29 October, 2020

29 October, 2020

In a genius effort to gain readership from both the gen z and boomer markets, we here at Adelaide Mail...

Returning SA residents can now undertake 14 Day Quarantine stuck on South Road on way home from airport

8 September, 2021

8 September, 2021

With border restrictions rapidly easing and/or increasing between many Australian states, one new local initiative gives returning South Australian residents...

City of Unley removes controversial Will Smith from Cross Road window

4 April, 2022

4 April, 2022

MAN IN BLACK: After news breaking of the now embattled Will Smith resigning from the Academy, the City of Unley...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

Dog & Duck social media guy fucking nails it, yet again

3 January, 2020

3 January, 2020

While most businesses are finding it harder and harder to have their voice heard on social media, Adelaide nightclub Dog...

Facebook update enables prefilled “Can u deliver to Gawler?” question on Marketplace

18 August, 2022

18 August, 2022

The latest Facebook app update has been welcomed by Gawler residents, as the new prefilled Marketplace question will save them...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: