15 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Griffins Hotel to start opening up for THREE hours a month to keep up with massive demand spike

TRENT BARTLETT

It’s the hub of Adelaide nightlife around the north-eastern side of Hindmarsh Square. The Griffins Hotel is the city hotel that certainly lives up to its description.

With upwards of a dozen people visiting the pub at any one time, The Griffins, as its affectionately known by those aware of its existence, is the city’s busiest pub named after a mythical bird ever since Hindley Street’s Gandaberunda & Xecotcovach closed down.

Until now, the pub has only opened for an exclusive 41 minutes a week. Randomly opening its doors at seemingly nonsensical times, with the pub’s kitchen rarely operating at the same time that punters are allowed in.

Publican Colin Trotts told Adelaide Mail that we probably just think that the pub is closed all the time.

‘I put it to you that you have just never actually been down here when it’s open, you just always happen to be here when we’re shut’, Trotts told us while standing out the front of a closed Griffins Hotel.

Until now, the pub has only opened for an exclusive 41 minutes a week

‘See the thing is, if you walked past when we’re open instead of when we’re closed, then you’d probably be complaining about how we’re always open. Then you’d be here saying “geez, why don’t you ever close?” because every time you walk past we’re open, but instead we’re closed. You know?’

It was a fair, although unclear point.

So in the commitment to journalism, and because we don’t have any real work for our intern (whom my lawyer uncle made me take on for a six month unpaid internship to scare him away from the idea of studying journalism, lest he wind up sinking his time and money into a joke newspaper that nobody reads and actually costs him money and has him questioning everyday what he’s actually doing with his life “why didn’t I just listen to my dad and study engineering or something useful?”) we decided to stake out the Griffins for a whole week.

And what we found in our intern’s report was absolute shocking…

Do you know how many people still don’t have AirPods? Gross.

Related Posts

OTR owners on-track to own literally everything ever created

23 October, 2018

23 October, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have doubled down on their bid to stage a hostile takeover of all...

Royal Park Salvage mascot should really get that middle leg looked at

11 February, 2020

11 February, 2020

Look, we’re not going to pretend we know what Royal Park Salvage does, or even go to the effort of...

Business who still hasn’t added 8 to phone number probably shonky

18 October, 2019

18 October, 2019

A television and VCR repair shop on Goodwood Road in Adelaide’s inner south is staring the wind of change in...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

SA Govt to start shifting truckloads of ‘Whinging Semaphore residents’

9 September, 2019

9 September, 2019

Following weeks of protests, debates and back-and-forth, the state government has finally arrived at a solution that will see their...

Frome Street bikeway to be extremely beneficial for cyclist with very specific, straight 1.8km commute

29 August, 2018

29 August, 2018

After months of work, traffic restrictions, and millions of dollars spent, the new Frome Street bikeway is nearing completion and...

“Emo Park” rebrands as “Ska Park” in attempt to brighten reputation

3 October, 2019

3 October, 2019

The north-western pocket of Hindmarsh square has always been a strange place. Along with being home to what was awarded...

Premier calls press conference just to ask “why would anybody want to go to Victoria?”

16 November, 2020

16 November, 2020

Premier Steven Marshall has called a press conference just hours before learning about a growing cluster of COVID-19 cases in...

Adelaide Oval Christmas Pageant limited to only 25,000 bagpipers

22 September, 2020

22 September, 2020

A 90 percent reduction on previous years.

Woman scurries from David Jones building to avoid that hand cream guy

25 November, 2019

25 November, 2019

A Torrensville woman has aborted her first attempt at Christmas shopping for the year after being chased out of the...

Seeing a gap in the market, all OTRs start serving pancakes 24/7

17 June, 2019

17 June, 2019

With the Pancake Kitchen no longer operating 24 hours a day during the week, the OTR overlords have announced the...

“Can’t heritage list Jack Daniels merch” Fishermen’s Wharf Market told

21 May, 2019

21 May, 2019

With destruction looming for Port Adelaide’s Fisherman’s Wharf Market shed, vendors and Port locals are looking at various creative options...

Suburb of Paradise hit with false claims lawsuit

15 January, 2019

15 January, 2019

The north-eastern suburb of Paradise has found itself in legal trouble with a class action lawsuit being filed by thousands...

SA called ‘Beggar State’ by Senator literally begging for money on GoFundMe

14 November, 2018

14 November, 2018

NSW Senator David Leyonhjelm has described South Australia as a “beggar state” that should be thrown out of the Australian...

Elizabeth resident lobbies council to change name to Playholden

17 October, 2019

17 October, 2019

As the third anniversary of the closure of the Holden plant at Elizabeth approaches, lifetime local resident Camira Minnet lobbies...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: