9 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Calm down Jessica, it’s Lofty, not Everest

With a backpack full of rations, emergency supplies, and flares, Jessica Peak is fully equipped for her 3.9km Waterfall Gully to Mount lofty Summit expedition.

Decked out with every article of clothing by The North Face, including earrings, Jessica logged her first diary entry:

Have reached the summit, the view of Adelaide is stunning. With rations more than half depleted and I look forward to an easy descent this September afternoon

‘Leaving the gully for the summit, have notified authorities of my planned expedition and estimated return. Said goodbye to family and friends last night, in the hopes I will see them again someday, but deep down we all knew that it could very well be the last time. Visibility is currently clear and weather fine, hopefully my months of training walking up the steps at Adelaide Uni pays off’.

Fifteen minutes after heading east from Waterfall Gully, Jessica set up a makeshift shelter and tucked into her first ration pack and drank the recommended daily water intake. After a brief recuperation rest, reports state that Jessica bravely continued to the summit.

After 9 hours, Jessica finally made it to the mountain-top, where she placed a flag in the ground and then browsed the gift shop knowing full well she was never intending to make a purchase.

Her diary read: ‘Have reached the summit, the view of Adelaide is stunning. With rations more than half depleted and I look forward to an easy descent this September afternoon’.

Search and rescue efforts are continuing.

in Life, News
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