3 July, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even a girl at all, Jason Seppertank of Ingle Farm has decided to do the only reasonable thing to help him find true love, apply for a reality TV show.

Despite never venturing outside of the Adelaide metropolitan region, except that one time he drove to Gawler to pick up a rare Tazo he saw on Gumtree, Jason feels that his suburb locality definitely qualifies him for next season’s “Farmer wants a Wife”.

I plan on showing all my prospective wives the benefits of an Ingle Farmer’s lifestyle

‘Absolutely I reckon I’m a shoe in’, said Jason ‘sure, I don’t herd sheep or mow crops like the other blokes would, but my front lawn is high enough to almost reach the door-handles of my VL Commodore project car I’ve been working on for some time now, and I’ve managed to keep that lemon tree out the back pretty much alive, mainly because it’s part of my rental agreement’.

When queried by The Adelaide Mail how he thinks he will stack up against other applicants, Jason replied ‘those other farmers don’t know what doing it tough is. Yeah, they got drought and plagues, but then I hear them also complaining about the supermarket duopoly. Give me a break mate, us Ingle Farmers have a supermarket MONOPOLY, two Coles in the one shopping centre, less than 50 metres apart’.

‘I plan on showing all my prospective wives the benefits of an Ingle Farmer’s lifestyle’ Jason continued ‘like Thursday evening mixed triples squash at the recreation centre, the JCard award scheme at the Settlers Tavern and getting high-interest small loans for a full set of Loonee Tunes Tazos at the local Cash Converters’.

Related Posts

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Kid dressed as Britannia Roundabout wins Adelaide’s scariest costume contest

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

Britani-AHH!!: Adelaide held its annual scariest Halloween costume contest this morning, with thousands of children from all around the state...

REVEALED: Dumpling King not even really royalty

11 November, 2019

11 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Daniel Andrews to become new face of Victoria Bitter

19 June, 2020

19 June, 2020

A HARD EARNED THIRST FOR WHAT SA HAS: “Why would you want to go there?” remarked Victorian Premier Andrews earlier...

Sydney mate won’t shut up about the size of our pint glasses

31 January, 2019

31 January, 2019

In an act of mental gymnastics usually only displayed by whoever our current Prime Minister is, our mate Dan from...

Dover Gardens man with a cold ends up in taxi to Novar Gardens

14 October, 2019

14 October, 2019

After leaving after-work Friday drinks in the city early because they were feeling a little under the weather, Al Lurgey...

Every Polites building to be heritage listed in 2020

6 September, 2019

6 September, 2019

In a surprising move by the SA Heritage Listing Council, it has been deemed that each and every Polites building...

Karen no longer knows how to threaten local businesses without Today Tonight

27 November, 2019

27 November, 2019

LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!: This morning as Clarence Gardens facebook-mum of two Karen Decrows, 43, set off for...

Victor Harbor horse-drawn tram still more frequent and reliable than 90% of Adelaide Metro buses

4 February, 2020

4 February, 2020

This year’s winners of the public transport performance awards for SA have been released, and it’s good news for patrons...

Maybe let’s also discuss changing the name of “Blackfellows Creek”

26 January, 2020

26 January, 2020

With discussions of changing the date of Australia Day firing up once again, some South Australians are focusing their energy...

City resident can’t go twenty minutes without telling someone they live in the CBD

15 October, 2018

15 October, 2018

Even after months after moving into her new South Terrace apartment, Ebony Higgs of Adelaide, continues to remind everyone of...

People somehow shocked when Liberal govt starts privatising everything

17 May, 2019

17 May, 2019

With the state government looking for novel and opportunistic ways to deliver on pre-election fiscal promises, several key pieces of...

Local livestreamed gigs to be replaced with livestreamed pokie rooms

8 April, 2020

8 April, 2020

With the coronavirus shutting down the city’s remaining live music venues, bands have begun turning to the internet to live...

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

25 September, 2019

25 September, 2019

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of...

Lucindale starts with the clingy texts after a one night stand

17 September, 2019

17 September, 2019

As the dust settles in the usually quiet town in our State’s South-East and life starts to return to normal,...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: