22 January, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

Dan Schmidt

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even a girl at all, Jason Seppertank of Ingle Farm has decided to do the only reasonable thing to help him find true love, apply for a reality TV show.

Despite never venturing outside of the Adelaide metropolitan region, except that one time he drove to Gawler to pick up a rare Tazo he saw on Gumtree, Jason feels that his suburb locality definitely qualifies him for next season’s “Farmer wants a Wife”.

I plan on showing all my prospective wives the benefits of an Ingle Farmer’s lifestyle

‘Absolutely I reckon I’m a shoe in’, said Jason ‘sure, I don’t herd sheep or mow crops like the other blokes would, but my front lawn is high enough to almost reach the door-handles of my VL Commodore project car I’ve been working on for some time now, and I’ve managed to keep that lemon tree out the back pretty much alive, mainly because it’s part of my rental agreement’.

When queried by The Adelaide Mail how he thinks he will stack up against other applicants, Jason replied ‘those other farmers don’t know what doing it tough is. Yeah, they got drought and plagues, but then I hear them also complaining about the supermarket duopoly. Give me a break mate, us Ingle Farmers have a supermarket MONOPOLY, two Coles in the one shopping centre, less than 50 metres apart’.

‘I plan on showing all my prospective wives the benefits of an Ingle Farmer’s lifestyle’ Jason continued ‘like Thursday evening mixed triples squash at the recreation centre, the JCard award scheme at the Settlers Tavern and getting high-interest small loans for a full set of Loonee Tunes Tazos at the local Cash Converters’.

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