29 September, 2023

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even a girl at all, Jason Seppertank of Ingle Farm has decided to do the only reasonable thing to help him find true love, apply for a reality TV show.

Despite never venturing outside of the Adelaide metropolitan region, except that one time he drove to Gawler to pick up a rare Tazo he saw on Gumtree, Jason feels that his suburb locality definitely qualifies him for next season’s “Farmer wants a Wife”.

I plan on showing all my prospective wives the benefits of an Ingle Farmer’s lifestyle

‘Absolutely I reckon I’m a shoe in’, said Jason ‘sure, I don’t herd sheep or mow crops like the other blokes would, but my front lawn is high enough to almost reach the door-handles of my VL Commodore project car I’ve been working on for some time now, and I’ve managed to keep that lemon tree out the back pretty much alive, mainly because it’s part of my rental agreement’.

When queried by The Adelaide Mail how he thinks he will stack up against other applicants, Jason replied ‘those other farmers don’t know what doing it tough is. Yeah, they got drought and plagues, but then I hear them also complaining about the supermarket duopoly. Give me a break mate, us Ingle Farmers have a supermarket MONOPOLY, two Coles in the one shopping centre, less than 50 metres apart’.

‘I plan on showing all my prospective wives the benefits of an Ingle Farmer’s lifestyle’ Jason continued ‘like Thursday evening mixed triples squash at the recreation centre, the JCard award scheme at the Settlers Tavern and getting high-interest small loans for a full set of Loonee Tunes Tazos at the local Cash Converters’.

Related Posts

Mysterious combination of words unable to be deciphered by South Australians

8 August, 2018

8 August, 2018

Strange and possibly cryptic signs have been posted alongside South Australian major roads and highways. However, it is yet to...

Adelaide Built Submarines To Be Compatible With O-Bahn Tracks

16 September, 2021

16 September, 2021

With a new fleet of South Australian built nuclear-powered submarines announced this morning, one sub-clause (get it?) has gone under...

Rip It Up relaunches with Pokies reviews and noise complaint liftout

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Heritage Adelaide street press Rip It Up magazine is set for a relaunch with a new focus on reflecting the...

Russell Crowe spends day on SA tourist trail, hurling phones at Adelaide’s sights

5 May, 2021

5 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Oscar winner and four-time champion of the world’s surliest New Zealand-born Australian Actor Award Russell Crowe has kicked...

With fewer flights, proposal made to bring back West Lakes McDonalds Party Plane

30 April, 2021

30 April, 2021

With this whole COVID thing still going nuts in countries that can’t get their shit together, fewer international flights are...

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

31 October, 2018

31 October, 2018

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from...

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

25 September, 2019

25 September, 2019

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of...

Moana commuter really appreciates that 20m stretch of Fiveash Dr with the 70kmh speed limit

30 June, 2020

30 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Moana resident who commutes to Adelaide’s eastern suburbs every day for work, has once again sent his...

Annoying ‘Yip Yip, Uh-huh Uh-huh’ Martian costumes also stolen, nobody cares

22 April, 2021

22 April, 2021

With the return of the Big Bird costume stolen from the Sesame Street Circus Spectacular in Bonython Park, it has...

Last SA made Commodore sells for 750k. Last SA made Mitsubishi 380 still unsold at 3k ONO.

1 February, 2021

1 February, 2021

As the last ever South Australian made Holden Commodore sold at auction for $750,000 over the weekend, a similarly iconic...

Man goes to Glenelg for New Year’s under impression it may be good

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020

A local Adelaide man will tonight undertake what many South Australians have fallen trap to in the past. As a...

Mum comments “shared 5162” like her 27 Facebook friends cover all of Morphett Vale

2 October, 2020

2 October, 2020

A Morphett Vale Facebook mum has been hailed as a hero after letting people know she has shared a Facebook...

SA finally reveals REAL tourism ad asking people to: ‘Perform Cunnilingus In The Coonawarra’

24 May, 2021

24 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Off the back of a popular April Fool’s Day prank calling on Aussies to Go Down South With...

New food delivery service “O-Bahnacle Bill” set to challenge Uber Eats

25 January, 2019

25 January, 2019

Barnacle Bill will start delivering anywhere along the North East Busway track starting early next month. William Cirriped, Director of...

Rundle Mall buskers now allowed to expand their repertoire beyond Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

17 December, 2018

17 December, 2018

In a controversial move, the Adelaide City Council has agreed to a trial period where buskers can perform songs that...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: