26 January, 2023

Daniel Andrews to become new face of Victoria Bitter

DAN SCHMIDT

A HARD EARNED THIRST FOR WHAT SA HAS: “Why would you want to go there?” remarked Victorian Premier Andrews earlier this week, referring to South Australia.

Look, South Australia may not have all the glitz, glamour and pollution that Victoria does, but we certainly have some great things going for us. The whole no-COVID thing seems to be a good point and newsworthy at the moment apparently, we don’t really keep up with the “real” news so this is the first we’ve ever heard of the virus.

Yes, we admit that Melbourne is the fashion capital of Australia. In Melbourne they wear what’s in vogue, in Adelaide we wear what’s on sale. Luckily grey is very in at the moment, so in Melbourne their attire can match their skies and beach sands.

But South Australia certainly has a lot going for it, we currently lead the nation in unemployment, so there’s that. Plus our Rundle Mall buskers don’t feel the need to “show off” with their “talent”, unlike their Melbourne counterparts. Yes, we’re very proud of our State’s far superior natural beauty, food, wine, and inferiority complex. Nobody does those things better than us.

Honestly, the only good things in Victoria are the things they steal from us. Our footy players, musicians and Grand Prix, for example. We hear they’re even trying to recreate some replica Malls Balls on Bourke Street, but because it’s so cold over there they seem to keep shrinking.

South Australia isn’t perfect by any means, but we’d rather be here than anywhere else. So it looks like this is just another case of Victoria Bitter, and as usual nobody wants it.

Related Posts

EXCLUSIVE: Turns out that worm from The Book Place was actually played by a giant tapeworm

10 July, 2020

10 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Here’s a nostalgia hit for kids who grew up in the 90s, remember the Bookworm? He was that...

Holden fan angry about Clipsal axing fails to see irony in delight for Tour Down Under axing

2 November, 2020

2 November, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Pooraka local dressed head-to-toe in heavily-sponsored and dated Holden Racing Team apparel has expressed his delight about...

Boomer at work despite flu to ensure he can insult vegan fest attendee

28 October, 2019

28 October, 2019

While Adelaide’s vegans may be recovering from a weekend spent at Rundle Park’s Vegan Festival, one local boomer has dashed...

Guy’s life definitely peaked in Year 5 when Deane Hutton picked him to help

16 April, 2020

16 April, 2020

Over twenty years years ago at Pennington Primary, the entire school had gathered to witness the grandest honour that could...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Old Tailem Town offers an accurate portrayal of life in South Australian country towns (in 2020)

14 September, 2020

14 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s favourite family attraction within an 80-minute drive, south-east of the city is (since Puzzle Park closed)...

Locals outraged as Tea Tree Plaza attempt to charge drivers for burnouts

19 October, 2022

19 October, 2022

Modbury’s fourth best shopping centre is in the middle of a battle with the governing bodies in an attempt to...

Norwood cafe Argo to begin taking bookings for those who just want to line up

24 October, 2018

24 October, 2018

In a move described by industry experts as ‘revolutionary’, the popular eastern suburbs brunch spot Argo is to begin taking...

Burnside teen reports child abuse after dad refuses to buy her BMW X3

28 August, 2019

28 August, 2019

A 16-year-old Burnside girl has resorted to reporting her father to the Department for Child Protection after he refused to...

Playford resident quickly finds out why House & Land package was so cheap

8 October, 2018

8 October, 2018

Finally deciding to bite the bullet of home ownership, Mel Ashton, 29, of Smithfield, felt she could not go past...

Woman hailed as genius for finding secret express route from City to TTP

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

TRENT BARTLETT Victorian motorist Ransack Platoon has been labelled as a genius by motoring groups after discovering a shortcut that...

“We don’t even think about Adelaide” says Victorian as he writes 400 word op-Ed about Adelaide

2 June, 2022

2 June, 2022

GUEST COLUMNIST: VICTOR IAN NOBB Inspired by Melbourne satirical newspaper The Herald Sun, we employed our own Melburnian to write...

Vincent Rinaldo very disappointed by this so called ‘Fringe’ Festival

22 February, 2019

22 February, 2019

One of Adelaide’s leading hair and fashion icons, Vincent Rinaldo, has left a scathing review the opening week of the...

City of Unley removes controversial Will Smith from Cross Road window

4 April, 2022

4 April, 2022

MAN IN BLACK: After news breaking of the now embattled Will Smith resigning from the Academy, the City of Unley...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: