14 May, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

300-year-old gum tree to be shipped in for Burnside Village redevelopment

With demolition works underway for the latest expansion to Burnside Village, the shopping centre’s owners have revealed their latest idea to integrate both heritage and native Australian flora into the redeveloped site.

A living 300-year-old gum tree will be dug out of its native home in the Blue Mountains in New South Wales, strapped to a flatbed truck and replanted as a centrepiece to the shopping centre’s redevelopment.

See this is why I can never keep my succulents alive at home. There’s all these weird rules you have to adhere to. You have to water it, apparently

‘This is going to look incredible’, says Burnside Village’s Head of Native Vegetation Gordon Betamax. ‘You’ll walk into the shopping centre and just say “whoa!” And this time, that won’t just be the noise you make as you’re dodging falling branches from a dying gum tree…we hope’.

‘This time, we have a team of horticulturalists working around the clock to make sure that this tree lives here for another 300 years. They’ve given us some strict rules about how to keep this tree going. For example, this new one will actually be watered every so often! Had no idea that a gum tree would need watering’.

‘See this is why I can never keep my succulents alive at home. There’s all these weird rules you have to adhere to. You have to water it, apparently. Plants should be in soil, but not completely buried in soil. I don’t know how you’re supposed to just know this stuff’.

Luckily, if the centuries-old eucalypt ends up going the way of its predecessor, the centre’s management do have some backup options to take its place.

‘If the unthinkable happens and the gum tree doesn’t work out, we do have a few other ideas for inside the new mall. We have been in talks with Sea World in Florida about the possibility of bringing in a Killer Whale to suspend from the roof in the atrium. We’d have to buy a few more ocky straps and hose him down once in a while. Stil, it’dl be a better life than the whale would have at Sea World’.

Related Posts

Desperate for a vaccine, people start lining up for Shotz like it’s 2005

26 March, 2020

26 March, 2020

As the world scrambles to find a vaccine for COVID-19, desperate and clearly confused South Australians are looking for anywhere...

Car controlled by bees still more courteous than most Adelaide drivers

26 September, 2019

26 September, 2019

In a growing trend to worry drivers and parents across Adelaide, South Australian motorists are surrendering their cars to swarms...

Breaking: PAC old scholar forgets to write ‘PAC’ in Tinder bio

5 February, 2019

5 February, 2019

In a devastating oversight that is already proving costly to his romantic chances ahead of Valentine’s Day, Sebastian Anglosaxon has...

Move over Mods! This wrestler’s changing his name to Ian Perrie in tribute of the OTHER Crows legend

29 October, 2020

29 October, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Earlier this week it was revealed that a WWE wrestler had changed his name to that of former...

Suburb of Paradise hit with false claims lawsuit

15 January, 2019

15 January, 2019

The north-eastern suburb of Paradise has found itself in legal trouble with a class action lawsuit being filed by thousands...

City resident can’t go twenty minutes without telling someone they live in the CBD

15 October, 2018

15 October, 2018

Even after months after moving into her new South Terrace apartment, Ebony Higgs of Adelaide, continues to remind everyone of...

Modbury resident angered by suggestion she lives in Adelaide’s northern suburbs

14 June, 2018

14 June, 2018

Modbury resident Taryn Cooke has lashed out at fellow co-workers for mistakenly suggesting that she hails from the northern suburbs...

Supercars drivers somehow all leave The Bend on retail traineeship wages

9 May, 2021

9 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Supercars drivers will leave South Australia following this weekend’s race at The Bend looking forward to a bright...

Golden Grove resident protests removal of trees

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

As news breaks that over 180 trees will be removed from the streets of Golden Grove, one resident is doing...

Entire train deeply confused by passenger getting off at Chidda

14 November, 2019

14 November, 2019

In a completely unprecedented situation, a passenger on a Gawler Central-bound train has alighted at Chidda Railway Station. Witnesses on...

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

2 December, 2019

2 December, 2019

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South...

Elizabeth resident lobbies council to change name to Playholden

17 October, 2019

17 October, 2019

As the third anniversary of the closure of the Holden plant at Elizabeth approaches, lifetime local resident Camira Minnet lobbies...

99.98% of all SA servo robberies perpetrated by the servo

12 March, 2019

12 March, 2019

South Australia has the highest service station robbery rates in the nation. However, largely due to our Peregrine overlords, it...

LEAKED: Shortlist of Port Adelaide’s other proposed new logos

15 October, 2019

15 October, 2019

Following the unveiling of Port Adelaide Football Club’s new logo commemorating the club’s 23rd year anniversary, Adelaide Mail can reveal...

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

5 January, 2019

5 January, 2019

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: