2 June, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Business who still hasn’t added 8 to phone number probably shonky

A television and VCR repair shop on Goodwood Road in Adelaide’s inner south is staring the wind of change in its proverbial face and assuming that early ‘90s technology and phone number allocation will soon make a long-awaited comeback.

The business, previously named ‘For Beta Or Worse’ in a pun that’s lost even its ironic relevance, is still refusing to update a sign referencing its long-obsolete seven-digit phone number.

‘We thought about changing the sign, but we’re fairly certain the old numbers are going to make a comeback’, says Head VHS Tracker Newton Dot-Matrix. 

‘You know, just ‘cause we’re using the eight digit numbers right now, doesn’t mean it’s going to be that way forever. Take a look at vinyl, that’s made a huge comeback’. 

We thought about changing the sign, but we’re fairly certain the old numbers are going to make a comeback

When our reporters suggested that a small demand for nostalgic music media was vastly different to a phone numbering system administered by a statutory authority based on the number of telephones in Australia, Dot-Matrix was unperturbed.

‘Look at Apple computers’, says Dot-Matrix, ‘nobody was using them in the late ‘90s, now they’re everywhere. Although personally, I’m banking on the comeback of the Commodore. Those machines will keep on working throughout anything, even bankruptcy!’

Before we could conclude our interview the premises was being raided by officers from the Australian Tax Office and Dot-Matrix had launched into a distracting rendition of the mid ‘90s TV jingle Add an 8 to make it 8! as fellow staff members hastily shredded incriminating paperwork.

Dot-Matrix is currently in custody for tax evasion.

in News
Related Posts

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

Frequent Marion shopper develops sophisticated algorithm to avoid charity workers

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Rosaline Baker, 56, of Warradale enjoys nothing more than a good shopping spree at nearby Westfield Marion. It’s local, convenient...

Man plays quick 9 at Holey Moley before last year’s gift card expires

24 December, 2019

24 December, 2019

A Somerton Park man has knocked off work early in a frantic rush to get to novelty mini golf course...

Victor Harbor opens new Youth Centre for local adolescents aged 55-70

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

In an attempt at engaging the region’s younger demographic, Victor Harbor has launched a hip new hangout for residents born...

REPORT: Tim Noonan really just a poor man’s Xavier Minniecon

10 January, 2020

10 January, 2020

After eighteen months of exhaustive studies, researchers are still unable to formally identify what the hell Channel Seven Weather Presenter...

Car controlled by bees still more courteous than most Adelaide drivers

26 September, 2019

26 September, 2019

In a growing trend to worry drivers and parents across Adelaide, South Australian motorists are surrendering their cars to swarms...

Rundle Mall spruiker seamlessly weaves passing chat into sales pitch

10 September, 2019

10 September, 2019

Rundle Mall spruiker Frank Ratta has once again shown why he was awarded ‘SA’s Most Tolerated Spruiker’ eleven years running....

Mix 102.3 accidentally goes 15 minutes without playing Smash Mouth

13 December, 2019

13 December, 2019

In an unfortunate series of mistakes that may cost Mix 102.3 in the year’s final round of radio ratings, the...

North Adelaide Roosters announce 78 co-captains

4 February, 2019

4 February, 2019

Following suit of the State’s AFL clubs and following their key to success, excess, North Adelaide Football Club have decided to...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

SA Govt stops tourists entering state from late March under “Operation Business As Usual”

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

From 4pm today South Australia will close its borders to all non-essential visitors in response to the spread of COVID-19....

Modbury Triangle celebrates 14th shopper of 2020

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

In what has been an admittedly slower year for one of the smaller metropolitan shopping outlets, Modbury Triangle Shopping Centre...

Kevin Costner spotted in Ridgehaven filming Waterworld sequel

12 August, 2019

12 August, 2019

With Adelaide seemingly becoming a relatively budget-friendly locale for upcoming Hollywood flops, it has become apparent that Mortal Kombat isn’t...

Guns N’ Roses actually pretty disappointed with Paradise city

24 July, 2019

24 July, 2019

During last year’s world tour, 80’s rock band Guns N’ Roses finally managed to make it to their ultimate destination,...

Regional dad hopes this Africola place does a good schnitty

22 November, 2018

22 November, 2018

Visiting his graduating son in ‘the big smoke’, Bill Wrangler of Renmark decided to take the family out for a...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: