27 July, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Guy who hasn’t been to the Casino in 15 years can’t wait to play that horse racing game again

It’s been nearly fifteen years since Whyalla man Mitch Brokeslad has ventured on down to Adelaide, but an invitation to an old mate’s bachelor party was something he couldn’t resist.

‘We’re garn’ de-Cass!’ was the very first thing Mitch excitedly yelled as he answered a call from Adelaide Mail reporters. We still don’t know how he knew it was us calling and that this is exactly what we wanted to speak with him about.

The perhaps mildly-psychic man continued, ‘Mate, it’s garn’ be awesome. Haven’t been in years but it was wicked last time I went. Do you know they got this bar on the ground level and the drink prices are like a stock exchange, going up and down? Mate, I’m going to crash the market, because when I get there heaps of drinks will be going down…my throat!’

We didn’t have the heart to tell him that bar no longer exists, because he seemed so proud of the joke.

‘But what I’m looking forward to the most’, Mitch continued ‘is that little mechanical horse-racing game on the top level. Had some huge wins last time I was there. Heaps of fun too, all the lads would get around it, cheering on their horses’.

Can’t wait to cheer on those little mechanical stallions again

Again, we didn’t have the heart to tell him that the admittedly insanely fun mechanical horse game no longer exists. Reports state it was removed some years ago after animal rights protesters stormed the Casino and damaged the machine, hoping the horses would escape.

‘Tell ya’ what though, I gotta get some new threads. There’s no way they’d let me in wearing my usual shorts, sneakers and baseball cap, the Adelaide Casino is a real classy place’.

Once again, we didn’t have the heart to tell him.

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