The South Australian Liberal Party have announced a generous new housing policy which would see all South Australians qualify for a free 4-bedroom house under their new policy suite titled the “Doesn’t Matter We’re Not Getting Elected Anyway” policy.
News of the scheme comes a day after the state’s Liberal Opposition Leader (whose name we’ve written down somewhere, we’re sure we left it on the back of a receipt next to the house keys on the sideboard) promised to abolish South Australian stamp duty by 2041. Presumably the policy is based on the idea that the SA Liberals hold office for the next 15 years instead of being engulfed by a supermassive black hole in next year’s election.
The Liberal Party leader told satirical newspaper The Advertiser that “Stamp duty is an inefficient tax that inhibits the housing sector’s ability to reorganise itself and stops young people getting into the housing market and older people from downsizing.” We assume that he also went on to suggest a suite of policies that ease demand on the housing market, improve zoning policies and expand state-backed affordable housing…
When asked who was going to pay for such expensive policies, a Liberal Party spokesperson told Adelaide Mail: “We plan on increasing income through a range of other, sustainable means, like…privatising the trains or selling off Victoria Square, hell I’m sure we could get a hundred bucks for that pigeon in Rundle Mall on Marketplace.”
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