30 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Local tweaker very disappointed with “OG Speed Shop”

DAN SCHMIDT

Local jaw-clenching and awake enthusiast, Aymon DeGear has voiced his disappointment with a Klemzig service station, claiming they are falsely advertising their goods.

‘Look, the sign clearly says “Speed Shop”‘, yelled Aymon at our reporters who just happened to be on OG Road looking for the same thing, ‘I go in there, there’s just some spark plugs, motor oil and all this other car shit’.

‘And it even says “OG” Speed Shop. Proudly claiming they’re the original and best. This is probably all part of this Illuminati World Order that’s secretly being implemented by The Gates Foundation. If this isn’t really a speed shop, then what’s to stop me thinking that all of this isn’t real, is this a simulation? A stimulation. A stimulation simulation. You know what OG stands for right? “Oligarch Gates”. See, it’s all connected, but also disconnected at the same time if you know what I mean. Let me send you a YouTube video about this guy who has proof’ Aymon rambled.

“Blatant false advertising. Just as bad as that so called “Ice Arena”. I’d take this up with Today Tonight if they still existed.”

Our reporters decided to go undercover and see if we could obtain the implied goods from the OG Speed Shop by cryptically enquiring at the counter ‘Hello shopkeep, feel free to read between the lines with this question, but would you happen to discreetly sell any amphetamines or narcotic stimulants?’.

We were directed to the fridge with the 2 Mother Energy Drinks for $5.99 deal, which apparently is just as good as any of the stuff you’ll find in Klemzig.

Editor’s note: We joke, but drug addiction is currently impacting thousands of South Australians and their families. Addiction can be treated, but support services can only do so much. People need care, understanding and support from their close friends, family and the wider community.

For more information about addiction and support, visit Alcohol and Drug Foundation.

Related Posts

Bazza the Bunyip statue becomes target of protesters for his “complicity in colonising Murray”

25 June, 2020

25 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Murray Bridge’s monument to the mythical Murray River creature Bazza the Bunyip has become the latest statue to...

14-year-old tries to convince friends that he came up with the nickname ‘STABerfoyle Park’

7 July, 2020

7 July, 2020 1

TRENT BARTLETT While he might be a future writer for Charlie Pickering’s The Weekly, Jack Sauerbier will not be winning...

Wayville Physio still recovering from closure of Mad Mouse

31 August, 2018

31 August, 2018

It’s been over a decade since the closure of Adelaide’s iconic roller-coaster the ‘Mad Mouse’, but the financial impacts can still...

Decade old Puratap filter probably fine

22 April, 2020

22 April, 2020

When Darren* and Amelia* (names changed to maintain anonymity) purchased their St. Clair property in 2010, little did they know...

China finds crafty solution to Baby Formula problem

26 November, 2019

26 November, 2019

With the aftermath of 2008’s Chinese milk scandal still looming over parents’ minds across the country, one Chinese company has...

OTR already putting up signage on North East Road Holden dealership

26 February, 2020

26 February, 2020

With the news of Holden exiting the Australian market breaking, our petroleum and tobacco overlords have decided that they may...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

Victor Harbor shops sell out of loaves of bread and sunscreen for some reason

24 November, 2018

24 November, 2018

In a bizarre, localised spike in demand not seen in over eleven months, Victor Harbor shops are quickly selling out...

Guy’s life definitely peaked in Year 5 when Deane Hutton picked him to help

16 April, 2020

16 April, 2020

Over twenty years years ago at Pennington Primary, the entire school had gathered to witness the grandest honour that could...

Stobie pole “probably a Banksy” says Croydon mum

8 November, 2018

8 November, 2018

Fiona Foarzenshore fancies her home suburb of Croydon as something of a cultural hub in Adelaide’s inner west, and has...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

12-year-old Goolwa resident VERY happy with his latest artwork

29 September, 2020

29 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT It was a fleeting moment of inspiration that struck 12-year-old Pervis Persimmon on his Sunday afternoon walk past...

Despite their name, these things are pretty shithouse at jumps

12 March, 2020

12 March, 2020

Adelaide city has been flooded with hundreds of bright red e-bikes over the past week as Uber “Jump” launched a...

Para Hills resident claims she’s from the Adelaide Hills

14 February, 2019

14 February, 2019

Seeking to up her social status and property value, Brittney Mounts of Para Hills has decided that her suburb counts...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: