3 August, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

14-year-old tries to convince friends that he came up with the nickname ‘STABerfoyle Park’

TRENT BARTLETT

While he might be a future writer for Charlie Pickering’s The Weekly, Jack Sauerbier will not be winning any awards for creativity after unveiling the moniker he’d given his home suburb of Aberfoyle Park.*

Jack and his friends were trying to work out whose house they should all meet at so that they can do whatever it is that teenagers do (we have no idea what a 14-year-old would do in 2020, but if they’re anything like Adelaide Mail’s reporters, we’re sure that they’re sitting in their rooms, listening to NOFX, stinking of Lynx Africa and micro-dosing on UDLs).

‘Why don’t you just come to Staberfoyle?’ Jack suggested, casually in the group text hoping that somebody would bite.

Instead, the others in the chain simply replied by writing ‘yours sounds good’ and ‘alright, Aberfoyle, it is.’

Assuming the others must have missed the joke, Jack decided to double down and labour the point that he had not committed an embarrassing typo, but had instead just displayed a sliver of his wit by conflating Aberfoyle Park’s name with its chequered history of knife crime.

‘Alright, come to mine in STABerfoyle Park then [laughing crying emoji] my address is 14 Rondondo, STABERFOYLE PARK [kitchen knife emoji, laughing crying emoji, laughing crying emoji]’.

The pun, however, was received with little else other than one person writing: ‘yeah we know your address Jack.’

Exasperated, Jack approached Adelaide Mail’s writers for assistance on delivering witty puns and one-liners. However, all we could tell him was to “post more O-Bahn content” and “do more about Caleb Bond”.

We did suggest to Jack that Hackham was probably a better suburb to target for its crime rate, and even gave him the pun “Hack’em” for absolutely no charge. Although he decided that the pun really only worked on paper and to make it work he would need to convince his parents to move house to Hackham and all he really wanted to do was update his top friends on Myspace (Again, we assume. We’re basing this on our experience as teenagers).

*Which would see him fit in nicely on The Weekly, really.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

Theology states St Clair is the Patron Saint of Motor Vehicle Theft

3 August, 2020

3 August, 2020

After minutes of research, religious scholars have uncovered that St Clair is the Patron Saint of Motor Vehicle Theft and...

South Aussies to ask ‘Keeping Cool?’ a record 47 billion times today

20 November, 2019

20 November, 2019

With Adelaide bracing for its hottest day since March, Adelaideans are readying themselves for an onslaught of inquisitiveness about the...

Bloke ordering a Halal Snack Pack at Adelaide yiros shop might as well be speaking another language

31 January, 2020

31 January, 2020

A tourist visiting from Sydney’s Newtown has confounded the owner of a North Adelaide yiros shop by attempting to order...

Playford resident quickly finds out why House & Land package was so cheap

8 October, 2018

8 October, 2018

Finally deciding to bite the bullet of home ownership, Mel Ashton, 29, of Smithfield, felt she could not go past...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas will probably settle for Parabanks gig again

26 October, 2018

26 October, 2018

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Suburb of Paradise hit with false claims lawsuit

15 January, 2019

15 January, 2019

The north-eastern suburb of Paradise has found itself in legal trouble with a class action lawsuit being filed by thousands...

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

8 February, 2019

8 February, 2019

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

SA Space Agency aims to explore Planet Nightclub

9 October, 2019

9 October, 2019

Since the establishement of South Australian Space Industry Centre, one strategic plan of the agency has been more important than...

Adelaide once again ranked as top Australian capital city alphabetically

15 June, 2018

15 June, 2018

For the 182nd year running, Adelaide has continued to shine as our nation’s top ranking capital city when ordered from A to Z.

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Para Hills resident claims she’s from the Adelaide Hills

14 February, 2019

14 February, 2019

Seeking to up her social status and property value, Brittney Mounts of Para Hills has decided that her suburb counts...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: