14 May, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Lifetime Golden Grove resident still doesn’t know difference between Grove Way and Golden Way

DAN SCHMIDT

Despite living at “World’s Best Address” for over thirty years, Dellfyn Targethill still struggles with basic geographical concepts in his immediate surroundings, particularly street names.

“You know, it’s the one that goes past Dan Murphy’s”

‘It’s all a bit much’, said Dellfyn ‘I mean, I tried to take the time to learn it. I even tried little tricks to help me remember which one is which. Like McDonald’s golden arches are not on the Golden Way, but they are not a long way from it. That just made me more confused. Then I forgot what gold is as that just made things a whole lot worse’.

Indeed it did. With absolutely no concept of the colour or element of gold, Dellfyn’s life was turned upside down. He didn’t realise he’d won the jackpot in The Village Tavern pokie room on “Where’s The Gold?” which someone else took it whilst he was at the bar ordering a pint of XXXX Yellow, he was fined by Centrelink for listing “World’s Best Address” as his suburb, and he proposed to his longtime partner with a Caddyshack 2 DVD.

After years of intensive neurological training, Dellfyn once again understands the concept of gold, but has still not mastered the nearby roads.

‘Then you’ve also got Golden Grove Road to remember. It’s ridiculous, I can’t remember all these things. So I just give general vague descriptions like ‘You know, it’s the road that goes past the Dan Murphy’s on your left’ or ‘Right past the clock tower that has never had the correct time on it’.

Tags: in Life, News
Related Posts

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Entire train deeply confused by passenger getting off at Chidda

14 November, 2019

14 November, 2019

In a completely unprecedented situation, a passenger on a Gawler Central-bound train has alighted at Chidda Railway Station. Witnesses on...

Frewville Foodland security guard not really sure why he’s there either

6 July, 2018

6 July, 2018

Seven years since taking up the role, Derek Hughes has yet to chase, apprehend, or even caution a suspect person...

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

Kevin Costner spotted in Ridgehaven filming Waterworld sequel

12 August, 2019

12 August, 2019

With Adelaide seemingly becoming a relatively budget-friendly locale for upcoming Hollywood flops, it has become apparent that Mortal Kombat isn’t...

Old mate puts Holden badge on new Camaro

30 July, 2019

30 July, 2019

With the release of American muscle-car the Chevrolet Camaro to Australia, avid Holden fan Beau Ghan was excited to somehow get...

These 6 gifs of Keith Martyn are such 2020 mood vibes

29 October, 2020

29 October, 2020

In a genius effort to gain readership from both the gen z and boomer markets, we here at Adelaide Mail...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

Adelaide Oval Christmas Pageant limited to only 25,000 bagpipers

22 September, 2020

22 September, 2020

A 90 percent reduction on previous years.

Save big with your SAFM 107 Card at these places today!

27 March, 2019

27 March, 2019

Here at Adelaide Mail, we’ve got some pretty powerful friends in high places, which means our proverbial fingers are on...

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

10 September, 2018

10 September, 2018

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s...

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

15 November, 2018

15 November, 2018

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed...

Goodwood Road cemetery to add severed head sculpture to existing public artwork

5 July, 2020

5 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Goodwood Road cemetery is looking to increase the number of sculptures depicting severed appendages in a renewed...

Fewer baby girls being named ‘Elizabeth’ in South Australia compared to other states for unknown reason

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

Researchers for the University of Adelaide are completely baffled at the newly discovered abnormality of fewer females bearing the name...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: