22 September, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

North Adelaide resident whinging about having nothing to whinge about

MATT FREEMAN

The Adelaide Oval Stadium Management Authority isn’t the only one suffering with the lack of crowds at Adelaide Oval this year. North Adelaide resident and professional complainer, Barton Lefevre has been at a loose end since COVID restrictions were introduced. The lack of noise, flights and an abundance of car parks in North Adelaide has left him with nothing to complain about, and an extra 30 spare hours a week on top of his usual 57 spare hours a week with no real responsibility.

However, Lefevre, who  didn’t get to live in a North Adelaide mansion by sitting on his hands doing nothing (well, he actually did as he inherited it from a childless great aunt, but he likes to think of himself as a man of action) said ‘Like most of us suffering horrendously through this COVID situation, it’s been an extraordinarily tough time, but I’m determined to make the most of it, so I decided to create a time machine, and go to a time when there was something to complain about’.

And now the Crows have pulled out of the Aquatic Centre, we have nothing to be outraged at. It’s outrageous.

When quizzed on when in history he would go back to, he didn’t choose a World War or The Great Depression, but a time far more recent saying ‘I think the perfect time is 2014, the Crows and Power started to play at Adelaide Oval and there was even an extra game because of a final, and to finish it off there was one of those rock ‘n’ roll concerts with those noisy, unkempt Rolling Stones. I really couldn’t get no satisfaction living here, and I loved it’.

Unfortunately for Lefevre he has hit an early hurdle in his quest. Like many North Adelaide residents he has absolutely no practical skills, and is unable to open  the toolbox he found in his gardener’s hut, but he remains optimistic, ‘I’ll ask my Range Rover mechanic Gerald to open it for me, and I’m sure I’ll have a working  time machine in no time’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Any Crows fans under 60 eligible for Junior Membership

20 March, 2021

20 March, 2021

As the Adelaide Crows attempt to go back-to-back in the 2021, the club has restructured its membership plans to better...

Instead of going to The Show, kids simply empty mum’s wallet into bin

30 August, 2019

30 August, 2019

Katalina Glispers has countless fond memories of the Royal Adelaide Show as a child. From losing her two front teeth...

North Adelaide Roosters announce 78 co-captains

4 February, 2019

4 February, 2019

Following suit of the State’s AFL clubs and following their key to success, excess, North Adelaide Football Club have decided to...

CBD skateboarders disappointed at lack of actual ramp outside RAH

9 November, 2018

9 November, 2018

Dozens of skateboarders gathered outside the Royal Adelaide Hospital Emergency Department yesterday as news spread about a new ramp near...

Despite their name, these things are pretty shithouse at jumps

12 March, 2020

12 March, 2020

Adelaide city has been flooded with hundreds of bright red e-bikes over the past week as Uber “Jump” launched a...

Move over Mods! This wrestler’s changing his name to Ian Perrie in tribute of the OTHER Crows legend

29 October, 2020

29 October, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Earlier this week it was revealed that a WWE wrestler had changed his name to that of former...

Rundle Mall spruiker seamlessly weaves passing chat into sales pitch

10 September, 2019

10 September, 2019

Rundle Mall spruiker Frank Ratta has once again shown why he was awarded ‘SA’s Most Tolerated Spruiker’ eleven years running....

Haigh’s still trying to make the Easter Bilby a thing, it’s not going to be a thing

23 March, 2021

23 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Long after every other Australian had forgotten about the ill-fated attempt at introducing Easter Bilbies as a thing...

Theology states St. Agnes is the Patron Saint of filthy hangovers

8 December, 2020

8 December, 2020

After minutes of research, religious scholars have uncovered that St Agnes is the Patron Saint of absolutely rotten hangovers and...

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

2 December, 2019

2 December, 2019

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

Breaking: PAC old scholar forgets to write ‘PAC’ in Tinder bio

5 February, 2019

5 February, 2019

In a devastating oversight that is already proving costly to his romantic chances ahead of Valentine’s Day, Sebastian Anglosaxon has...

Advertiser censors front page advertisement

21 October, 2019

21 October, 2019

Putting up a united front against secrecy and journalistic censorship, South Australia’s leading satirical news service has joined multiple papers...

Jase reckons he could have his own Fringe show, mates agree

18 February, 2019

18 February, 2019

After having watched exactly 275 minutes of stand up comedy in his life, Jason ‘Jase’ Breadhand became convinced of his...

Next election, let’s just all vote for Cosi and see what happens

24 May, 2019

24 May, 2019

With the Federal Election over and not a great deal changing, aside from increased health-care costs for the poor, many...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: