23 October, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Ashton Hurn promises to make the best damn concession speech at March election

TRENT BARTLETT

New State Liberal leader Ashton Hurn has promised to pen one of the best concession speeches ever given by a South Australian party leader ahead of March’s state election.

The promise comes a day after Hurn was confirmed as the party’s new leader, having thrown her hat in the leadership ring as a way to practise her public speaking skills ahead of a 2026 shift into lobbying for a gas company.

The Liberal Party’s new Director of Temporary Leaders, Privatisation and Concession Speeches Davind Howsonsonnington says that should Hurn make it through to the March election as leader, she promises to make one of the best phone calls to incumbent Premier Peter Malinauskas in Liberal Party history.

“It’s actually a really good situation to find ourselves in,” Howsonsonnington told Adelaide Mail. “We don’t have to worry about any of the distractions of, say, thinking of real, actionable policies to govern with. So we can just spend all of our time writing the concession speech.

“Right now, we’re thinking rhyming couplets, Dr Seuss-style: ‘My fellow South Aussies, the numbers are clear, The voters declare “it’s Mali!”, “oh dear.” So congrats, Mr Premier, your victory’s thumping, Our blue campaign is quietly slumping.’ I don’t know, something like that?

“We’ll probably have it done by Feb, so we can just have Hurn make the speech on the Saturday morning of the election. A lot of time saved. We are the party of efficiency.”

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