20 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother from Salisbury has confidently returned to the local On The Run with a vengeance.

Lugging a wheelbarrow heaped with five, ten, and possibly a couple of obsolete two cent pieces, she intends to pay for a carton of Benson and Hedges Fine, a full tank of premium petrol, a two litre iced coffee, and one of those New York Yankees caps on the rack that every single OTR seems to stock, but nobody ever buys.

Keep asking questions and I’ll smash you too

After a brief protest from the underpaid trainee OTR clerk, the single mother instantly fired up ‘do you know I am and what I’ve been through?! Don’t try to pull that 1965 Currency Act bullshit on me again! I know my rights! Try and deny me and my kids again, go on, I dare you!’

Several hours into counting the coins for the total of $480.65, the mother was questioned as to what the small pieces of pig coloured ceramic scattered throughout the wheelbarrow were.

‘Keep asking questions and I’ll smash you too’, the mum replied ‘look, I wouldn’t mess with me, I’ve gained 27 insta followers since last week and have the ‘Tiser’s number’.

At the time of publishing the clerk is still counting and the mother has eaten three Krispy Kreme donuts and played at least a dozen games of spot 10 Keno.

Related Posts

Peter Van’s to close; Advertiser wonders how many more times it can use phrase “Party’s over”

24 January, 2020

24 January, 2020

As news emerged that Adelaide’s resident Party Man, Peter Van will be ceasing all partying come March, subeditors at satirical...

Lucindale starts with the clingy texts after a one night stand

17 September, 2019

17 September, 2019

As the dust settles in the usually quiet town in our State’s South-East and life starts to return to normal,...

SA Govt to start shifting truckloads of ‘Whinging Semaphore residents’

9 September, 2019

9 September, 2019

Following weeks of protests, debates and back-and-forth, the state government has finally arrived at a solution that will see their...

If quarantined, please listen to the other hundred Adelaide Crows podcasts instead of making your own

20 March, 2020

20 March, 2020

As working in isolation and two-week quarantines become commonplace for many South Australians, a high proportion of 20 and 30...

Desperate for a vaccine, people start lining up for Shotz like it’s 2005

26 March, 2020

26 March, 2020

As the world scrambles to find a vaccine for COVID-19, desperate and clearly confused South Australians are looking for anywhere...

Bloke ordering a Halal Snack Pack at Adelaide yiros shop might as well be speaking another language

31 January, 2020

31 January, 2020

A tourist visiting from Sydney’s Newtown has confounded the owner of a North Adelaide yiros shop by attempting to order...

Adelaide Crows Aquatic Centre will abolish Pike Position

12 December, 2019

12 December, 2019

With the Adelaide Crows Aquatic Centre HQ looking to go ahead sometime in the near future because they’re the Crows...

We rank Adelaide’s top (and only) 3 working digital Adelaide Metro signs

18 November, 2019

18 November, 2019

What was meant to be Adelaide Mail’s first barely readable, every item on a different page, advertisement clogged ‘Top 10 List’, has...

Next season of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ to actually be set in Adelaide’s premier suburb of Paradise

24 August, 2018

24 August, 2018

Due to excessive helicopter use and a vast majority of the budget being spent on Osher’s hair, Channel 10 executives have...

Golden Grove resident protests removal of trees

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

As news breaks that over 180 trees will be removed from the streets of Golden Grove, one resident is doing...

Old Commodore parked by Kuitpo signals start of ‘shroom season

18 June, 2019

18 June, 2019

A TRIP TO THE FOREST: Psychedelic Mushroom hunting season was declared open last week with the initiatory shitbox sighting on Brookman...

Terrified Glynde residents flee after active volcano discovered in area

15 May, 2020

15 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Residents of the inner north-eastern suburb of Glynde are reportedly fleeing the area in droves after an active...

Munno Para driverless bus somehow involved in road rage incident

17 July, 2019

17 July, 2019 1

A minibus that operates without anybody behind the steering wheel has somehow become embroiled in a road rage incident in...

KP-24 sales skyrocket at Adelaide pharmacies

20 March, 2019

20 March, 2019

A wave of people have been heading into city pharmacies for the lice treatment, KP-24, and everyone is scratching their head...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: