30 May, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother from Salisbury has confidently returned to the local On The Run with a vengeance.

Lugging a wheelbarrow heaped with five, ten, and possibly a couple of obsolete two cent pieces, she intends to pay for a carton of Benson and Hedges Fine, a full tank of premium petrol, a two litre iced coffee, and one of those New York Yankees caps on the rack that every single OTR seems to stock, but nobody ever buys.

Keep asking questions and I’ll smash you too

After a brief protest from the underpaid trainee OTR clerk, the single mother instantly fired up ‘do you know I am and what I’ve been through?! Don’t try to pull that 1965 Currency Act bullshit on me again! I know my rights! Try and deny me and my kids again, go on, I dare you!’

Several hours into counting the coins for the total of $480.65, the mother was questioned as to what the small pieces of pig coloured ceramic scattered throughout the wheelbarrow were.

‘Keep asking questions and I’ll smash you too’, the mum replied ‘look, I wouldn’t mess with me, I’ve gained 27 insta followers since last week and have the ‘Tiser’s number’.

At the time of publishing the clerk is still counting and the mother has eaten three Krispy Kreme donuts and played at least a dozen games of spot 10 Keno.

Related Posts

Burnside SUV driver will definitely only be five minutes in the loading zone

20 July, 2018

20 July, 2018

Burnside stay-at-home daughter Jacinta Hyacinth was caught short this morning on her usual coffee meet with the girls at trendy...

Royal Park Salvage mascot should really get that middle leg looked at

11 February, 2020

11 February, 2020

Look, we’re not going to pretend we know what Royal Park Salvage does, or even go to the effort of...

Colour blind uni student argues superiority of green and white cafe

5 October, 2019

5 October, 2019

A colour blind University of Adelaide arts student has found himself in an overly heated argument about the relative virtues...

Man actually chooses to sit in this seat

26 April, 2019

26 April, 2019

With the vast majority of city commuters taking this week off, Kramdin Numpteedu of Klemzig has had his fair share...

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

25 September, 2019

25 September, 2019

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of...

Far-Ken Hall! Adelaide’s biggest plumber goes rural

2 October, 2019

2 October, 2019

Adelaide’s biggest plumbing business, Ken Hall Plumbers is expanding its operations across rural South Australia. Marketing manager for Ken Hall...

To avoid confusion Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton / Penfold / St Bernards Road to get even more names

14 January, 2020

14 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Adelaide’s single stretch of road with more names than any other, Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton...

Power fans start pretending they always follow SANFL

20 September, 2019

20 September, 2019

With the Port Adelaide Magpies facing off against Glenelg in the SANFL Grand Final this weekend, Port Power fans will...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Elon Musk regrets not getting a second slab of West End from The Commercial Hotel in Jamestown

28 June, 2018

28 June, 2018

Global entrepreneur and deadset legend, Elon Musk, is still reminiscing about installing the world’s largest battery in South Australia’s far...

Truckie was just holding out for cheaper fuel price

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

A truck driver that caused massive delays on the downtrack of the SE Freeway remains convinced that he made the...

Push to save The Thebby so that bands can continue to skip it on tours

9 July, 2019

9 July, 2019

Rich in tradition, it’s the Adelaide live music venue that has been skipped by thousands of bands on their Australian...

South Aussies to ask ‘Keeping Cool?’ a record 47 billion times today

20 November, 2019

20 November, 2019

With Adelaide bracing for its hottest day since March, Adelaideans are readying themselves for an onslaught of inquisitiveness about the...

SA Space Agency aims to explore Planet Nightclub

9 October, 2019

9 October, 2019

Since the establishement of South Australian Space Industry Centre, one strategic plan of the agency has been more important than...

AdBlocker removes entire AdelaideNow website

22 July, 2019

22 July, 2019

As Gavin Alook was searching for an old news article about the time his school actually figured out what the...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: