22 October, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother from Salisbury has confidently returned to the local On The Run with a vengeance.

Lugging a wheelbarrow heaped with five, ten, and possibly a couple of obsolete two cent pieces, she intends to pay for a carton of Benson and Hedges Fine, a full tank of premium petrol, a two litre iced coffee, and one of those New York Yankees caps on the rack that every single OTR seems to stock, but nobody ever buys.

Keep asking questions and I’ll smash you too

After a brief protest from the underpaid trainee OTR clerk, the single mother instantly fired up ‘do you know I am and what I’ve been through?! Don’t try to pull that 1965 Currency Act bullshit on me again! I know my rights! Try and deny me and my kids again, go on, I dare you!’

Several hours into counting the coins for the total of $480.65, the mother was questioned as to what the small pieces of pig coloured ceramic scattered throughout the wheelbarrow were.

‘Keep asking questions and I’ll smash you too’, the mum replied ‘look, I wouldn’t mess with me, I’ve gained 27 insta followers since last week and have the ‘Tiser’s number’.

At the time of publishing the clerk is still counting and the mother has eaten three Krispy Kreme donuts and played at least a dozen games of spot 10 Keno.

Related Posts

Royal Park Salvage mascot should really get that middle leg looked at

11 February, 2020

11 February, 2020

Look, we’re not going to pretend we know what Royal Park Salvage does, or even go to the effort of...

Stephan Knoll offers to wash dad’s car and do more chores to pay off $30,000 debt

22 July, 2020

22 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s Transport Minister Stephan Knoll landed himself in a bit of mischief this week by accidentally and...

New Adelaide bar without a neon sign probably doomed

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

It’s in a prime location and serves the best cocktails in a welcoming environment, but something is missing at Adelaide’s...

Crows fan still angry about Ian Perrie for some reason

4 April, 2019

4 April, 2019

Their forward line has been a constant source of contempt for Adelaide Crows fans since Tony Modra packed up his...

If they have to tear the Big Scotsman down, at least let us finally see his dick

14 April, 2021

14 April, 2021

For generations passing motorists and those unfortunate enough to stay at Scotty’s Motel have tried to catch a glimpse at...

Maybe let’s also discuss changing the name of “Blackfellows Creek”

26 January, 2020

26 January, 2020

With discussions of changing the date of Australia Day firing up once again, some South Australians are focusing their energy...

Josh Frydenberg thanks Tammy from MyBudget for her assistance this week

3 April, 2019

3 April, 2019

Preparing the 2021-22 Federal Budget, Treasurer Frydenberg didn’t know where to start. ‘Bills were piling up on the kitchen table...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Old Commodore parked by Kuitpo signals start of ‘shroom season

18 June, 2019

18 June, 2019

A TRIP TO THE FOREST: Psychedelic Mushroom hunting season was declared open last week with the initiatory shitbox sighting on Brookman...

REVEALED: Dumpling King not even really royalty

11 November, 2019

11 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

AFP raids Adelaide Mail offices only to find Xavier Minniecon

5 June, 2019

5 June, 2019

One year after publishing a damning exposé on the existence of the fictional suburb Kingswood, Australian Federal Police officers have...

Bloke’s tailbone still recovering after tobogganing over the jumps at Mt Thebarton

4 December, 2018

4 December, 2018

When a 14-year-old Alex Dangerfield visited Mt Thebarton in 1995 to experience tobogganing for the first time, he did not...

Peter Van the Party Man really just wants a quiet night in with the kids

13 September, 2018

13 September, 2018

It’s been over thirty years of non-stop debauchery for Goodwood Road’s most-famous party man Peter Van, but his days of...

Salesman optimistic about selling in-ground pool to family holding Bertie Beetle showbags

31 August, 2018

31 August, 2018

When it comes to closing the deal, Christian Levolsi backs himself like few other salesmen, so when he was faced...

Suburb of Devon Park to be renamed Fritz Park

7 January, 2019

7 January, 2019

In an act of South Australian patriotism, a successful campaign by residents has led to the inner north suburb of...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: