Premier seen pacing hallways in cold sweats after almost going 36 hours without announcing a sporting event

South Australian Premier Peter Malinauskas has reportedly been found pacing the halls of Parliament House in a drenched polo shirt after coming dangerously close to spending 36 consecutive hours without announcing a new sporting event.

Witnesses say the Premier was discovered at 3:40am whispering “this is the last one” into a disconnected landline, while placing his 46th missed call to AFL CEO Andrew Dillon.

Staff from the Department of Premier and Cabinet reportedly raised concerns about the Premier’s wellbeing when he was spotted running his hands over a picture of Tina Turner performing at the 1993 Adelaide Grand Prix while saying “I’ll get you home, I’ll get you home”.

It’s understood that while Gillon McLachlan offered Mr Malinauskas his first Gather Round free of charge, the cost per game has since increased severely since. Meanwhile, several office items have gone missing only to later appear at the Prospect Cash Converters. One staffer reportedly was able to haggle down the photocopier back for just $350.

Just to be clear, Adelaide Mail is not suggesting that our Premier got so addicted to securing the hosting rights for sporting events that he stole an office photocopier and pawned it. You made that connection, not us, sicko.

While his current condition is unclear, it’s understood that minders have spent the last 24 hours talking down the Premier from trying to hold a press conference to announce that South Australia will host the SANFL Grand Final for “another three years”.

Adelaide Mail was able to talk to a crooked nurse who is currently caring for the Premier, they told Adelaide Mail doctors are currently weaning the Premier off event announcements by allowing him to announce events of decreasing importance to a group of paid actors posing as journalists.

If the care plan is delivered as designed, he will be permitted to announce a National Windsurfing Championship, then a Provincial Goat Cheese Rolling Conference until finally being permitted to announce that Adelaide will host a Commonwealth Games.