8 September, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Victorian fails SA Driver’s Licence test after correctly zip merging

DAN SCHMIDT

An interstate motorist has attempted to gain a South Australian Driver’s Licence but ultimately failed due to their courteous (and technically correct) driving habits.

Victorian driver Victoria Driver did not pass her practical test (which we didn’t even know was a thing that people in her situation had to do, but trust us, it is. No need to look it up.) after undertaking a series of manoeuvrers considered wrong and impractical on South Australian roads.

‘First thing she did wrong was check her mirrors before changing lanes’, said her SA driving assessor Tess Ting ‘Now that’s not enough to fail someone, but is a big red flag’.

‘She ultimately failed when she merged like a zip. What the hell is that? Everyone knows that the best way to merge is keep as close to the car in front of you and not let anyone else cut in, especially if their car is already ahead of yours’.

‘Then, get this right’, giggled Tess ‘she even kept left unless she was overtaking! Rookie mistake’.

Whilst Victoria felt she was a competent driver, she is confident that she has now gained some pointers on how to manage Adelaide roads. ‘Well apparently I did the Britannia Roundabouts wrong’, said Victoria ‘My assessor said next time instead of giving way to the right, the proper way locals manage it is to simply maintain speed, put both hands on the wheel, close your eyes and hope for the best’.

‘I also failed my parking test. I got between the lines, but they said I should have been much closer and preferably on the line for a long period of time. But excuse me, I’ve been parked there all day! Well, I wouldn’t say all day, but I’ve been parked there for AT LEAST thirty seconds’.

‘I do hope I can obtain my SA Licence soon’, continued Victoria ‘because those big concrete tracks heading out of the city look like they’d be really fun to drive on’.

Related Posts

OTR revise plans for HQ after helipad complaints; Now it’s just a giant Monty Python foot stomping on the eastern suburbs

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

Our omnipotent overlords at Peregrine Corporation have signalled that they’re ready to negotiate on plans for a new head office...

New North Adelaide golf course to feature deeper bunkers for hiding Saudi human rights abuses

23 July, 2025

23 July, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT Adelaide Mail has been given a sneak peek at the redesign plans for the North Adelaide Golf Course,...

Disgraced Prince Sent on Retreat to Andrews Farm

19 November, 2019

19 November, 2019

In a move as ill-conceived as allowing Prince Andrew to give the BBC an interview about his relationship with disgraced...

Shocked South Road business owners have property acquired after only 53 years notice

8 July, 2021

8 July, 2021

TY INNANE A number of businesses told they’ll be acquired for the north-south corridor project expressed dismay and disbelief today....

Calls to rename iconic sculpture as “Mall’s Balls” deemed “sexist and gendered”

26 May, 2021

26 May, 2021

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD?: Since 1977 Adelaide’s pair of big balls have been proudly on display for all to see....

Adelaide music fan about to pretend to be really into some washed-up 90s band for a few months

1 August, 2025

1 August, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT Fan of going to things because they’re on, Somerton Park resident Granvil Gesticulate has revealed his intent to...

Woman updates LinkedIn profile to include climbing Big Rocking Horse certificate

23 January, 2019

23 January, 2019

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Melanie Yearling of Birdwood doing whatever she can to enhance her LinkedIn profile for...

FIVEaa caller still blaming “woke Frome st bike lane” for most of the things he’s angry about

4 June, 2025

4 June, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT A long-time FIVEaa listener and long-time caller, has pinpointed the downfall of western society to one 1.1km piece...

Dad unnecessarily angry about how safe St. Kilda Playground is these days

11 June, 2020

11 June, 2020

Tired of enclosed trampolines, anti-bullying campaigns and gluten intolerances, distant father of six Darren Dedbeit decided to take the kids...

Far-Ken Hall! Adelaide’s biggest plumber goes rural

2 October, 2019

2 October, 2019

Adelaide’s biggest plumbing business, Ken Hall Plumbers is expanding its operations across rural South Australia. Marketing manager for Ken Hall...

Premier’s speech writer now being paid on a Cost-Per-“Flex Up”-Mention basis

5 January, 2022

5 January, 2022

TRENT BARTLETT In a bid to cut costs during South Australia’s post-Freedom Day celebrations, Premier Steven Marshall has moved a...

Collingwood given all-clear to play as long as they promise not to touch the footy

2 June, 2021

2 June, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT In an eleventh-hour decision, South Australian authorities have given Collingwood players and staff an exemption to travel into...

Michael Keelan referred to as Keith Conlon for the last time!

23 September, 2018

23 September, 2018

That’s it, he’s absolutely had it. At first it was funny, sometimes even a little bit flattering, but enough is...

SA Liberals also announce free house for every South Australian under new “Doesn’t Matter, We’re Not Getting Elected Anyway” policy

6 November, 2025

6 November, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT The South Australian Liberal Party have announced a generous new housing policy which would see all South Australians...

“OK, who had ‘obviously fake number plates’ this week?” asks traffic officer in charge of office sweep

11 February, 2021

11 February, 2021

Images: SA Police DAVID KNIGHT A lucky SAPOL officer has scooped the pool at the weekly office sweep after correctly...

Comments

Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading