Adelaide Mail has been given a sneak peek at the redesign plans for the North Adelaide Golf Course, set to host the Saudi government-backed LIV Golf tournament.
The ambitious new layout is set to include what is being described as the world’s deepest bunkers, not for challenging play, but to better bury any negative story about the Saudi regime.
The tournament’s move from Grange to the city council-run North Adelaide Golf Course is set to transform the event from some everyday dystopian sportswashing into a fully-fledged local political football.
“We’re comfortable overlooking the Kingdom’s record on women’s rights, freedom of speech, migrant worker abuse, and the occasional assassination cover-up,” said one unnamed politician. “But giving up control of the parklands? That’s where we draw the line.”
While ethicists, human rights groups, and people with a conscience have raised concerns, local North Adelaide residents have focused on a far more important issue for humans, the threat of a bit of noise.
“I just don’t want to hear 20,000 men in polos yelling ‘yeewww!’ and throwing plastic cups at guys who look like mannequins from a P&O Cruise gift shop,” said Head of North Adelaide Complaint Lodgers’ Association Jan-Fran Duran.
Meanwhile, traditional golf associations have taken the opportunity to slam LIV Golf over their ethics, with one crusty golfing codger telling Adelaide Mail: “We’ve worked very hard to make golf more inclusive. Women can now play on the same course as men, sometimes. On alternate Tuesdays. With written permission.”
At press time, LIV Golf organisers announced further course upgrades, including:
- A press-free media tent.
- And a par 3 hole called “The Cover-Up,” featuring a slightly raised and discoloured patch of grass.
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