31 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

PAFC set to ban single-use plastic tarps

Renewing its commitment to sustainability, Port Adelaide Football Club today announced that they would be doing away with the single-use plastic tarps first used in 2010 to cover large swathes of empty seating at home games.

A six-week consultation process with key stakeholders most likely to be affected by the ban reportedly returned overwhelming support. However, some pockets of the football community were not quite as supportive as others.

The biggest opposition came from a segment we identified as “lazy joke writers”. Those hacks have relied on this tarp thing for almost a decade now

‘It’s funny, because we found that we had unanimous support within the club [for the ban]’, says Port co-treasurer Julian Tarps. ‘But, outside the footy club was a different story’.

‘Liquor Lads were dead against it. I don’t even know who Liquor Lads are but apparently they thought that they still had advertising on the tarps at every home game. I didn’t have the heart to tell them otherwise’.

‘Also, about eighty per cent of Crows fans disagreed with the ban’, continues Tarps, ‘We had a contingent of Crows supporters in one of the focus group meetings and I could not work out what they were talking about most of the time’.

‘They spent most of the meeting reminding us of their recent back-to-back premierships. Although they did close out the meeting with the most stirring rendition of “Will the 19th man please stand up”, so that was nice’. 

‘But the biggest opposition came from a segment we identified as “lazy joke writers”. Those hacks have relied on this tarp thing for almost a decade now, and I know they get very defensive of anybody trying to take that away from them. I bet they’ve even given me some dumb name like “Darren Polytarp” in this article’, concluded Tarps.

in News, Sport
Related Posts

Next election, let’s just all vote for Cosi and see what happens

24 May, 2019

24 May, 2019

With the Federal Election over and not a great deal changing, aside from increased health-care costs for the poor, many...

Old mate puts Holden badge on new Camaro

30 July, 2019

30 July, 2019

With the release of American muscle-car the Chevrolet Camaro to Australia, avid Holden fan Beau Ghan was excited to somehow get...

Car controlled by bees still more courteous than most Adelaide drivers

26 September, 2019

26 September, 2019

In a growing trend to worry drivers and parents across Adelaide, South Australian motorists are surrendering their cars to swarms...

Neo-nazis get wires crossed, end up at St Kilda Adventure Playground

6 January, 2019

6 January, 2019

When Salisbury’s resident neo-nazis Morgan Dolkhatch and Barry “Knuckles” Mudflap found out about an upcoming rally of right wing extremists...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

Kent Town resident drives length of North Terrace without being stopped

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Dwayne Hoff of Kent Town could not believe his luck last Wednesday afternoon. As he hopped in his car to meet friends at “The Deli” in Thebarton, little did he know what was in store for him.

Looming end of winter great news for cable tie manufacturers

15 August, 2019

15 August, 2019

The looming end of Adelaide’s winter signifies two things for most South Australians: re-emerging from your house at night after...

Surely selecting VICTORIA Park as a testing location was a deliberate low-key diss

5 August, 2020

5 August, 2020

Our state’s newest COVID-19 drive through testing station opened in Adelaide’s Victoria Park this morning, resulting in car queues of...

First stage of Tour Down Under won by lost Uber Eats rider

21 January, 2020

21 January, 2020

Today the Barossa hosted the first men’s stage of the Tour Down Under, a gruelling 150 kilometre slog even for...

Goodwood Road cemetery to add severed head sculpture to existing public artwork

5 July, 2020

5 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Goodwood Road cemetery is looking to increase the number of sculptures depicting severed appendages in a renewed...

The Advertiser returns to 100% satire following April Fools’ prank

2 April, 2019

2 April, 2019 1

It is a publication that has always gone to great lengths to get a laugh from South Australians. From the...

Garden Grove erect giant windsock to capture free top soil in dust storm

19 September, 2019

19 September, 2019

Landscape supplier Garden Grove best known for their trucks smelling like manure and mistakenly being called Golden Grove Supplies have...

Bazza the Bunyip statue becomes target of protesters for his “complicity in colonising Murray”

25 June, 2020

25 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Murray Bridge’s monument to the mythical Murray River creature Bazza the Bunyip has become the latest statue to...

Resident of Not In Service always has entire bus to himself

4 June, 2020

4 June, 2020

A resident of one of Adelaide’s lesser known inner-outer suburbs, Not In Service, has continued to regularly catch public transport...

“Menz” Confectionery to change name to “Personz”

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020 1

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD?: In a bid to gain greater market share and simultaneously not offend anyone, Menz Confectionery, the creator...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: