25 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Old Le Cornu site to become new Swedish Furniture store ‘De Körneu’

The Adelaide City Council has made the announcement of what will finally be done with the ever controversial old Le Cornu site in North Adelaide. A tender has been won by a brand new, yet suspiciously familiar, Adelaide based Swedish furniture company “De Körneu” to build their first store on O’Connell Street.

De Körneu states it will bring a much needed cosmopolitan shopping experience for home decor enthusiasts across North Adelaide. However, there is something about the new company that many feel ‘just isn’t quite right’.

We are-a excited to bring to the great city of Adelaide all of-a de latest Swedish trends

When questioned about the public’s suspicion, spokeswoman for the company, Umlaut Falster stated in a thick false Swedish accent ‘no, no, nothing is-a wrong here. We at De Körneu are as Swedish as-a any other Swedish companies like-a Volvo, H&M, and Nokia. We have certainly never have-a been an Adelaide based company operating out of an old Keswick factory, that’s-a for sure’.

Standing under the ‘new’ De Körneu sign, still dripping with royal blue paint, Umlaut was questioned by the Adelaide Mail as to what is in store for shoppers. ‘We are-a excited to bring to the great city of Adelaide all of-a de latest Swedish trends’, stated Umlaut, struggling to keep up the accent, ‘the latest Swedish furniture trend is-a big Italian leather recliners, we got stacks of those left over, and chunky solid pine 9 piece dining settings, those things are heaps Swedish’ closed Umlaut, eventually settling on what seemed a hybrid Stockholm/Salisbury dialect.

When finally bluntly asked if De Körneu was just a rebranded Le Cornu, Umlaut stated ‘…we’ll bring back the ball pit if you promise not to tell anyone’.

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