31 March, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Old Le Cornu site to become new Swedish Furniture store ‘De Körneu’

The Adelaide City Council has made the announcement of what will finally be done with the ever controversial old Le Cornu site in North Adelaide. A tender has been won by a brand new, yet suspiciously familiar, Adelaide based Swedish furniture company “De Körneu” to build their first store on O’Connell Street.

De Körneu states it will bring a much needed cosmopolitan shopping experience for home decor enthusiasts across North Adelaide. However, there is something about the new company that many feel ‘just isn’t quite right’.

We are-a excited to bring to the great city of Adelaide all of-a de latest Swedish trends

When questioned about the public’s suspicion, spokeswoman for the company, Umlaut Falster stated in a thick false Swedish accent ‘no, no, nothing is-a wrong here. We at De Körneu are as Swedish as-a any other Swedish companies like-a Volvo, H&M, and Nokia. We have certainly never have-a been an Adelaide based company operating out of an old Keswick factory, that’s-a for sure’.

Standing under the ‘new’ De Körneu sign, still dripping with royal blue paint, Umlaut was questioned by the Adelaide Mail as to what is in store for shoppers. ‘We are-a excited to bring to the great city of Adelaide all of-a de latest Swedish trends’, stated Umlaut, struggling to keep up the accent, ‘the latest Swedish furniture trend is-a big Italian leather recliners, we got stacks of those left over, and chunky solid pine 9 piece dining settings, those things are heaps Swedish’ closed Umlaut, eventually settling on what seemed a hybrid Stockholm/Salisbury dialect.

When finally bluntly asked if De Körneu was just a rebranded Le Cornu, Umlaut stated ‘…we’ll bring back the ball pit if you promise not to tell anyone’.

Related Posts

Cyberbullying teens never okay…unless it’s Caleb Bond and it’s really funny

18 March, 2019

18 March, 2019

Cyberbullying is a cowardly act, which can be particularly harmful when aimed at teens. However, in the wake of anti-bullying...

90% of new Mortal Kombat movie just CCTV footage from Hindley Street

16 May, 2019

16 May, 2019

Adelaide is set to become a key piece of cinematic history, with the long-awaited follow-up to 1995’s Mortal Kombat to...

Steven Marshall reinvents himself with some snazzy new sneakers

9 January, 2019

9 January, 2019

Never one to shrink from the opportunity to imitate one of his federal government counterparts, South Australian Premier Steven Marshall...

SA Dentists host annual Farmers Union Iced Coffee appreciation night

9 December, 2019

9 December, 2019

South Australia’s dentists gathered for their industry’s night of nights on Saturday night, with their annual Farmers Union Thanksgiving Dinner....

Superloop gives up, starts referring to itself as ‘Clipsal’

21 February, 2019

21 February, 2019

Before the first Superloop 500 event has even started, the company behind the naming rights has reportedly already given up...

Boomer at work despite flu to ensure he can insult vegan fest attendee

28 October, 2019

28 October, 2019

While Adelaide’s vegans may be recovering from a weekend spent at Rundle Park’s Vegan Festival, one local boomer has dashed...

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

10 September, 2018

10 September, 2018

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s...

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

22 November, 2019

22 November, 2019

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online...

Haigh’s prepare store for influx of Greeks this week

23 April, 2019

23 April, 2019

With the traditional Christian-Easter done and dusted and most of Adelaide in a pre-diabetic state, iconic chocolatiers Haigh’s have undertaken...

The Advertiser returns to 100% satire following April Fools’ prank

2 April, 2019

2 April, 2019

It is a publication that has always gone to great lengths to get a laugh from South Australians. From the...

Girl lasts until 2nd winery pretending to care about tasting wine

27 January, 2019

27 January, 2019

Brooke Dogtram likes to think that wine tours are about more than just getting day-drunk for a nominal fee of...

New food delivery service “O-Bahnacle Bill” set to challenge Uber Eats

25 January, 2019

25 January, 2019

Barnacle Bill will start delivering anywhere along the North East Busway track starting early next month. William Cirriped, Director of...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

SA Space Agency aims to explore Planet Nightclub

9 October, 2019

9 October, 2019

Since the establishement of South Australian Space Industry Centre, one strategic plan of the agency has been more important than...

Disgraced Prince Sent on Retreat to Andrews Farm

19 November, 2019

19 November, 2019

In a move as ill-conceived as allowing Prince Andrew to give the BBC an interview about his relationship with disgraced...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: