25 January, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Old Le Cornu site to become new Swedish Furniture store 'De Körneu'

Dan Schmidt

The Adelaide City Council has made the announcement of what will finally be done with the ever controversial old Le Cornu site in North Adelaide. A tender has been won by a brand new, yet suspiciously familiar, Adelaide based Swedish furniture company “De Körneu” to build their first store on O’Connell Street.

De Körneu states it will bring a much needed cosmopolitan shopping experience for home decor enthusiasts across North Adelaide. However, there is something about the new company that many feel ‘just isn’t quite right’.

We are-a excited to bring to the great city of Adelaide all of-a de latest Swedish trends

When questioned about the public’s suspicion, spokeswoman for the company, Umlaut Falster stated in a thick false Swedish accent ‘no, no, nothing is-a wrong here. We at De Körneu are as Swedish as-a any other Swedish companies like-a Volvo, H&M, and Nokia. We have certainly never have-a been an Adelaide based company operating out of an old Keswick factory, that’s-a for sure’.

Standing under the ‘new’ De Körneu sign, still dripping with royal blue paint, Umlaut was questioned by the Adelaide Mail as to what is in store for shoppers. ‘We are-a excited to bring to the great city of Adelaide all of-a de latest Swedish trends’, stated Umlaut, struggling to keep up the accent, ‘the latest Swedish furniture trend is-a big Italian leather recliners, we got stacks of those left over, and chunky solid pine 9 piece dining settings, those things are heaps Swedish’ closed Umlaut, eventually settling on what seemed a hybrid Stockholm/Salisbury dialect.

When finally bluntly asked if De Körneu was just a rebranded Le Cornu, Umlaut stated ‘…we’ll bring back the ball pit if you promise not to tell anyone’.

Related Posts

Entire train deeply confused by passenger getting off at Chidda

14 November, 2019

14 November, 2019

In a completely unprecedented situation, a passenger on a Gawler Central-bound train has alighted at Chidda Railway Station. Witnesses on...

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

OTR’s solution to unhappy customers: Get rid of the angry man button

3 December, 2019

3 December, 2019

Having grown annoyed at the constant stream of customers pushing the ‘angry’ button upon exit, OTR has moved to eliminate...

170kg Clapham man favourite for Bay Sheffield after being handed 105m handicap

28 December, 2018

28 December, 2018

Cuddly giant Kade Gypsum has steamed ahead as the bookies’ favourite for the iconic Bay Sheffield foot race after being...

Kevin Costner spotted in Ridgehaven filming Waterworld sequel

12 August, 2019

12 August, 2019

With Adelaide seemingly becoming a relatively budget-friendly locale for upcoming Hollywood flops, it has become apparent that Mortal Kombat isn’t...

KP-24 sales skyrocket at Adelaide pharmacies

20 March, 2019

20 March, 2019

A wave of people have been heading into city pharmacies for the lice treatment, KP-24, and everyone is scratching their head...

Could’ve been more specific, say mates meeting at ‘Shit Norwood Cafe’

12 November, 2019

12 November, 2019

A pair of old friends who had arranged to catch up at ‘That shitty Italian place on The Parade’ are...

Bowden plant sale customer will definitely keep them alive this time

6 May, 2019

6 May, 2019

Serial houseplant murderer Juniper Cortisol may have a track record in buying and subsequently killing all of her previous houseplants,...

Adelaide Uni law student disappoints family of doctors

24 April, 2019

24 April, 2019

Sometimes having the best opportunities in life does not necessarily lead to fulfilling every expectation. Few things illuminate this concept...

New Adelaide bar without a neon sign probably doomed

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

It’s in a prime location and serves the best cocktails in a welcoming environment, but something is missing at Adelaide’s...

Nobody asking ‘why no Adelaide?’ about this band’s tour for some reason

13 February, 2019

13 February, 2019

Dozens of international bands tour Australia each year, with many of them bypassing South Australia’s capital in favour of its...

Election announced: Someone in Mt Barker orders 1,000 novelty cheques

11 April, 2019

11 April, 2019

Following the announcement from acting Prime Minister Scott Morrison that Australians will go to the polls on May 18th, somebody...

Frequent Marion shopper develops sophisticated algorithm to avoid charity workers

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Rosaline Baker, 56, of Warradale enjoys nothing more than a good shopping spree at nearby Westfield Marion. It’s local, convenient...

Barmera economy kept afloat entirely by TV Travel Auctions

22 January, 2019

22 January, 2019

‘Who wants to go on a holiday, holiday, holiday?’ You can hear the eternally-repeating echoes of John Dean’s famous voiceover...

UniSA mature-aged student puts hand up again

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

eaking: 12 students from UniSA’s Magill campus are believed to have spent the last seven hours locked in a tutorial room after their course’s resident mature-aged student began raising her hand to quiz her tutor on a raft of trivial questions.

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: