In a bizarre break from tradition, the Glenelg tram line has confirmed it may someday resume normal services, for a limited time only, before promptly closing again, because that’s apparently just what it does now.
The tram, which has spent more of the past twelve months behind witches’ hats than it has carrying passengers, is currently four days into its latest closure between Moseley Square and South Terrace.
‘We understand South Australians are excited to see the tram running again’, said Kat Enery, a spokesperson for the Subdepartment of Haulage, Infrastructure and Transportation (S.H.I.T) while adjusting a hi-vis vest that has not left their body since 2023.
‘And we are pleased to announce that they will be able to…briefly. For a new and exciting period we’re calling “service”, before we close it again for reasons that will make total sense to absolutely no one waiting at a bus stop on Anzac Highway’.
“If we’re being honest, it’s just easier to announce the temporary openings than the temporary closures at this point.”
– Kat Enery, Subdepartment of Haulage, Infrastructure and Transportation
The tram is expected to temporarily reopen sometime (we assume, but haven’t looked it up to confirm) giving Glenelg locals a brief window to remember what the inside of a tram looks like before the next inevitable closure is announced, most likely during the week they finally get used to it.
Local residents say they’re adapting to the disruption, with several reporting they now have started referring to the tram as “the bus substitute service”.’
Honestly, last time I saw a tram going past I panicked’, said local man Glen Elgbeech ‘I thought it was a pageant float or something’.
The expected temporary tram opening is on schedule for sometime “later this year”, a phrase Adelaide commuters have learned to treat with the same trust they extend to an Adelaide Metro digital display sign showing “2 mins” for eleven consecutive minutes.
