8 December, 2022

Masks mandates for Adelaide public transport to return because you’re all ugly and stink

One week after the requirement for masks to be worn on public transport was lifted, it has been decided that the mandate will be reinstated. Not because of COVID or anything, but because you’re all a bunch of reeking uggos.

We spoke to Ray Leaway, Adelaide Metro’s Passenger Protection President (who works remotely part-time from a secluded island somewhere in the Pacific), who stated ‘It was a big mistake to remove the mandate in the first place. Have you seen the passengers on Route 202F?! I mean, I haven’t, but I know it goes through Ingle Farm, and quite honestly that’s all I need to know’.

It is reported that once the mandate and masks were removed from South Australian public transport, accounts of stench related complaints have been at an all time high, with statistics showing unsatisfactory conditions have risen from 100% to 119% somehow.

It has been deemed that bringing back the mask mandate will ensure greater face coverage will not only reduce the impact of such stench, but also ensure that the face of the average South Australian public transport commuter is at least partially covered. A huge benefit to society.

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