25 May, 2022

Exhumation of Somerton Man reveals hundreds of awful new true crime podcasts

DAN SCHMIDT

Today in West Terrace cemetery, detectives with nothing better to do with their time will pull a dead man’s remains out of the ground whose body was found on Somerton Beach over 70-years-ago. The man has never been identified and the circumstances surrounding his death have baffled police for decades.

It is hoped that DNA testing will help us finally identify the mystery man. This is not for any real reason, we just really want to know.

Whilst it is most likely that the DNA results won’t actually reveal anything as it is highly unlikely a man who died in 1948 would have his DNA records on file with ancestry.com, police remain hopeful.

‘Look, we already rented the digger for another job’, said Senior Detective Ben Tofficer ‘and we figured before we had to take it back to Kennards we’d give this a crack. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s only a few hours left on the hire, so I really must get this done’.

Although it is unlikely that the exhumation will reveal anything in regards to the identity of the unknown man, what remains certain is that it will reveal hundreds of awful true crime podcast episodes so internet nerds and amateur code-breakers can think that they’re doing real police work.

Note: If you are an internet nerd who loves true crime podcast, check out AdeLOL the South Australian comedy/history podcast. This episode is about an ABSOLUTLEY COOKED South Australian bent cop and bank robber who was caught in the most spectacular way:

Related Posts

Para Hills resident claims she’s from the Adelaide Hills

14 February, 2019

14 February, 2019

Seeking to up her social status and property value, Brittney Mounts of Para Hills has decided that her suburb counts...

Fringe comedian claiming to have performed at Edinburgh just told some jokes outside the RAAF base

16 March, 2022

16 March, 2022

As the Adelaide Fringe Festival begins to wind down, some local comedians are resorting to new tactics in an attempt...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

15 November, 2018

15 November, 2018

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed...

Ingenious Toolie crudely changes 13 to 18 on his Year 12 jumper

25 November, 2018

25 November, 2018

In a surprisingly genius move, particularly from a Modbury High graduate, 23 year old Sam ‘Zombie’ Zommers has pulled off...

8 Common Phrases Only Adelaide People Will Understand

7 August, 2021

7 August, 2021

These are SUCH Adelaide phrases.

Satirical news site runs out of TV commercials to rank, now completely out of ideas

29 May, 2020

29 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s second favourite source of fake news has been revealed for the sham that it is, with...

State Liberals sign sponsorship deal with Dulux in attempt to whitewash their reputation

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

With their reputation already facing questions thanks to former Liberal MP Sam ‘Wandering Hands’ Duluk, the South Australian Liberal Party...

Empty Port Adelaide shed makes way for empty apartment building

18 April, 2019

18 April, 2019

The State Government has stepped into the ring in a fight over a historic shed in Port Adelaide, overruling a...

Local hip-hop trio find religion, rename themselves ‘Hillsong Hoods’

29 May, 2019

29 May, 2019

In a move that has shocked the hip-hop community, Adelaide’s most influential hip-hop group, Hilltop Hoods, have announced a change...

Farmers Union branded blood glucose meters to hit On The Run shelves in 2019

27 July, 2018

27 July, 2018

Capitalising on the effect of the nation’s highest iced coffee consumption, Farmers Union has taken the bold initiative of developing...

Government shocked when video of weeping man doesn’t encourage tourists to flock to SA

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

A baffling marketing campaign featuring an elderly man weeping as he toured throughout South Australia’s tourism hot spots has been...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

State Government to reduce suburban Adelaide to one bus route

20 January, 2019

20 January, 2019

In a bid to increase efficiency across Adelaide’s struggling suburban bus network, the State Government has moved to remove all...

Rundle Mall buskers now allowed to expand their repertoire beyond Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

17 December, 2018

17 December, 2018

In a controversial move, the Adelaide City Council has agreed to a trial period where buskers can perform songs that...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: