31 March, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online petition calling for their town’s most popular surf beach to be changed.

The change.org petition (which can be viewed here) has gathered a total of 3 signatures since going live a few weeks ago, when the sudden ‘Boomers vs Millennials’ feud was at its peak for reasons still unknown.

Adelaide Mail contacted the founder of the petition, local millennial “activist” Lacinta Chripplejay (they/them). She stated ‘Yeah, like, it just gives off a bad impression of our area. When people hear “Boomer Beach”, they could think that Port Elliot is an area full of older, white and wealthy multiple property owners like my parents’.

Adelaide Mail reporters then spoke to a local senior citizens organisation, the Port Elliot District Older Seniors, only to be overwhelmed with the amount of long-winded, self-righteous replies that turned into irrelevant personal stories and eventually vocal support of Archbishop Wilson for some reason.

We eventually got bored and decided to go to the Port Elliot bakery for a honey-stick, where the line-up was nearly as long as a boomer’s reply.

The change.org petition’s suggested new names for the beach include:

– Ubereats Beach

– Bae Bay

– Selfie Shore

– Pronoun Coast

– Kombucha Cove

– Plant Bay(sed)

– OK Boomer Beach

However, as the demographic of the region surrounding Boomer Beach is exactly that, for now it seems the apt name, along with rising sea level, will be staying.

Editor’s note: Thanks to Rob McLean, a Generation X observer, for alerting us about this news story.

We also encourage our readers to share the change.org petition so we can outrage boomers and make them it’s ‘real news’. We put this bit in smaller font so they can’t read it.

Tags: in News, Travel
Related Posts

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

Instead of going to The Show, kids simply empty mum’s wallet into bin

30 August, 2019

30 August, 2019

Katalina Glispers has countless fond memories of the Royal Adelaide Show as a child. From losing her two front teeth...

SA tells WA ‘Only we have the skills to maintain problem-riddled subs’

13 August, 2019

13 August, 2019

With Western Australia circling Adelaide’s lucrative Collins Class Submarine maintenance contract, SA’s western counterparts have been told to ‘Back off,...

Funding cuts to State mental health services great news for ShitAdelaide admins

3 June, 2019

3 June, 2019

With the State Government (not surprisingly) cutting funding for key mental health services across the state, hospital workers, inpatient units...

“Emo Park” rebrands as “Ska Park” in attempt to brighten reputation

3 October, 2019

3 October, 2019

The north-western pocket of Hindmarsh square has always been a strange place. Along with being home to what was awarded...

Kevin Costner spotted in Ridgehaven filming Waterworld sequel

12 August, 2019

12 August, 2019

With Adelaide seemingly becoming a relatively budget-friendly locale for upcoming Hollywood flops, it has become apparent that Mortal Kombat isn’t...

Noel’s Caravans jingle tops SA reggae charts for 728th consecutive week

19 October, 2018

19 October, 2018

For over a decade the laid back calypso beats and offbeat feeling of the Noel’s Caravans jingle has been so...

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

31 October, 2018

31 October, 2018

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from...

REVEALED: Dumpling King not even really royalty

11 November, 2019

11 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Empty Port Adelaide shed makes way for empty apartment building

18 April, 2019

18 April, 2019

The State Government has stepped into the ring in a fight over a historic shed in Port Adelaide, overruling a...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

Seeing a gap in the market, all OTRs start serving pancakes 24/7

17 June, 2019

17 June, 2019

With the Pancake Kitchen no longer operating 24 hours a day during the week, the OTR overlords have announced the...

Murray Bridge to build Big Savoury Slice

14 August, 2019

14 August, 2019

In an effort to boost tourism numbers and become one of those ‘random big thing’ regional towns, the rural City...

Melbourne man visits Adelaide just to complain about shop trading hours

12 January, 2019

12 January, 2019

Gouland Hambitter and his family moved to Melbourne from Adelaide when he was eight-years-old. His father had taken up a...

We rank Adelaide’s top (and only) 3 working digital Adelaide Metro signs

18 November, 2019

18 November, 2019

What was meant to be Adelaide Mail’s first barely readable, every item on a different page, advertisement clogged ‘Top 10 List’, has...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: