16 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online petition calling for their town’s most popular surf beach to be changed.

The change.org petition (which can be viewed here) has gathered a total of 3 signatures since going live a few weeks ago, when the sudden ‘Boomers vs Millennials’ feud was at its peak for reasons still unknown.

Adelaide Mail contacted the founder of the petition, local millennial “activist” Lacinta Chripplejay (they/them). She stated ‘Yeah, like, it just gives off a bad impression of our area. When people hear “Boomer Beach”, they could think that Port Elliot is an area full of older, white and wealthy multiple property owners like my parents’.

Adelaide Mail reporters then spoke to a local senior citizens organisation, the Port Elliot District Older Seniors, only to be overwhelmed with the amount of long-winded, self-righteous replies that turned into irrelevant personal stories and eventually vocal support of Archbishop Wilson for some reason.

We eventually got bored and decided to go to the Port Elliot bakery for a honey-stick, where the line-up was nearly as long as a boomer’s reply.

The change.org petition’s suggested new names for the beach include:

– Ubereats Beach

– Bae Bay

– Selfie Shore

– Pronoun Coast

– Kombucha Cove

– Plant Bay(sed)

– OK Boomer Beach

However, as the demographic of the region surrounding Boomer Beach is exactly that, for now it seems the apt name, along with rising sea level, will be staying.

Editor’s note: Thanks to Rob McLean, a Generation X observer, for alerting us about this news story.

We also encourage our readers to share the change.org petition so we can outrage boomers and make them it’s ‘real news’. We put this bit in smaller font so they can’t read it.

Tags: in News, Travel
Related Posts

Thousands of Port fans call in ‘sick’, empty office chairs everywhere tarped

13 May, 2019

13 May, 2019

Thousands of Port Power fans from around the state have chucked a sickie today, knowing full well they are incapable...

Local livestreamed gigs to be replaced with livestreamed pokie rooms

8 April, 2020

8 April, 2020

With the coronavirus shutting down the city’s remaining live music venues, bands have begun turning to the internet to live...

Lost child at WOMADelaide probably better off to be honest

6 March, 2020

6 March, 2020

On the opening day of South Australia’s leading world-music and body-odour festival, a six year old child has been found...

Modbury man and Brighton woman begin long-distance relationship

3 May, 2019

3 May, 2019

Finding love isn’t always easy, but a couple from opposite sides of the city are trying to defy all odds...

Lucy Cornes confronts Martin Scorsese for stealing that Goodfellas tracking shot from her

10 February, 2020

10 February, 2020

Founder of digital marketing agency She Digital and self-described ‘Spiritual Being’ Lucy Cornes has taken to social media to accuse...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Clever motorist shaves hour off commute by simply avoiding South Road and also quitting job

26 October, 2020

26 October, 2020

LIFE HACK: There’s an old saying that goes “Don’t hate the player, hate the game and also hate South Road...

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

Salesman optimistic about selling in-ground pool to family holding Bertie Beetle showbags

31 August, 2018

31 August, 2018

When it comes to closing the deal, Christian Levolsi backs himself like few other salesmen, so when he was faced...

Advertiser finance editor absolutely qualified to review Fringe shows

4 March, 2019

4 March, 2019

As tightening budgets continue to put pressure on satirical newspaper The Advertiser’s shrinking newsroom, the annual festival season has once...

Neo-nazis get wires crossed, end up at St Kilda Adventure Playground

6 January, 2019

6 January, 2019

When Salisbury’s resident neo-nazis Morgan Dolkhatch and Barry “Knuckles” Mudflap found out about an upcoming rally of right wing extremists...

“Menz” Confectionery to change name to “Personz”

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020 1

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD?: In a bid to gain greater market share and simultaneously not offend anyone, Menz Confectionery, the creator...

KP-24 sales skyrocket at Adelaide pharmacies

20 March, 2019

20 March, 2019

A wave of people have been heading into city pharmacies for the lice treatment, KP-24, and everyone is scratching their head...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: