24 February, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

Dan Schmidt

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online petition calling for their town’s most popular surf beach to be changed.

The change.org petition (which can be viewed here) has gathered a total of 3 signatures since going live a few weeks ago, when the sudden ‘Boomers vs Millennials’ feud was at its peak for reasons still unknown.

Adelaide Mail contacted the founder of the petition, local millennial “activist” Lacinta Chripplejay (they/them). She stated ‘Yeah, like, it just gives off a bad impression of our area. When people hear “Boomer Beach”, they could think that Port Elliot is an area full of older, white and wealthy multiple property owners like my parents’.

Adelaide Mail reporters then spoke to a local senior citizens organisation, the Port Elliot District Older Seniors, only to be overwhelmed with the amount of long-winded, self-righteous replies that turned into irrelevant personal stories and eventually vocal support of Archbishop Wilson for some reason.

We eventually got bored and decided to go to the Port Elliot bakery for a honey-stick, where the line-up was nearly as long as a boomer’s reply.

The change.org petition’s suggested new names for the beach include:

– Ubereats Beach

– Bae Bay

– Selfie Shore

– Pronoun Coast

– Kombucha Cove

– Plant Bay(sed)

– OK Boomer Beach

However, as the demographic of the region surrounding Boomer Beach is exactly that, for now it seems the apt name, along with rising sea level, will be staying.

Editor’s note: Thanks to Rob McLean, a Generation X observer, for alerting us about this news story.

We also encourage our readers to share the change.org petition so we can outrage boomers and make them it’s ‘real news’. We put this bit in smaller font so they can’t read it.

Tags: in News, Travel
Related Posts

Bloke asking ‘Which Freeway do you mean?’ definitely not from here

5 November, 2019

5 November, 2019

A motorist who stopped at a Glen Osmond Road service station for directions to the closest mechanical likeness of a mythical...

Regional dad wears Akubra at Adelaide Airport just to flex on these city slickers

23 October, 2019

23 October, 2019

Nothing gives Bruce Jolliswagmen greater joy than getting to showcase how he comes from a regional area in the form of...

Stobie pole “probably a Banksy” says Croydon mum

8 November, 2018

8 November, 2018

Fiona Foarzenshore fancies her home suburb of Croydon as something of a cultural hub in Adelaide’s inner west, and has...

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

Hills Hoist and Cask Wine sales data significantly correlated for some unknown reason

27 August, 2018

27 August, 2018

Statisticians and data analysts have been left completely baffled at the strongly correlated sales data of two South Australian icons....

“Stop all these bloody Adelaide city highrises” says Willunga resident

1 August, 2018

1 August, 2018

Gerald Manser, 62, of Willunga has had enough of CBD development. On his yearly trip to the city for a...

Hindley Street to become 100% shisha bars by 2020, study reveals

17 January, 2019

17 January, 2019

New research into economic trends in Adelaide’s west end reveals that the city’s most famous nightstrip is heading towards wall-to-wall...

Rip It Up relaunches with Pokies reviews and noise complaint liftout

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Heritage Adelaide street press Rip It Up magazine is set for a relaunch with a new focus on reflecting the...

Subscribe to Adelaide Mail for a free set of headphones

25 June, 2019

25 June, 2019

With the state’s largest satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, currently attempting to lure the fellow kids into subscribing to their state...

South Australians tipped to consume $3bn worth of Zooper Doopers today

24 January, 2019

24 January, 2019

While many today will be doing their best to not think about just how high the mercury is expected to...

“Yeah that counts as a bath” says dad who has clearly given up for the year

22 December, 2019

22 December, 2019

In what was initially meant to just be letting the kids “dip their feet in” the water play area of...

New food delivery service “O-Bahnacle Bill” set to challenge Uber Eats

25 January, 2019

25 January, 2019

Barnacle Bill will start delivering anywhere along the North East Busway track starting early next month. William Cirriped, Director of...

Windy Point actually pronounced "Wine-dee" point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Truckie was just holding out for cheaper fuel price

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

A truck driver that caused massive delays on the downtrack of the SE Freeway remains convinced that he made the...

Vegetarian laughed out of Hahndorf pub

22 August, 2018

22 August, 2018

After folding to her friends’ pressure, lifelong vegetarian Kate N. Speck agreed that she could ‘probably find something’ on the...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: