6 July, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online petition calling for their town’s most popular surf beach to be changed.

The change.org petition (which can be viewed here) has gathered a total of 3 signatures since going live a few weeks ago, when the sudden ‘Boomers vs Millennials’ feud was at its peak for reasons still unknown.

Adelaide Mail contacted the founder of the petition, local millennial “activist” Lacinta Chripplejay (they/them). She stated ‘Yeah, like, it just gives off a bad impression of our area. When people hear “Boomer Beach”, they could think that Port Elliot is an area full of older, white and wealthy multiple property owners like my parents’.

Adelaide Mail reporters then spoke to a local senior citizens organisation, the Port Elliot District Older Seniors, only to be overwhelmed with the amount of long-winded, self-righteous replies that turned into irrelevant personal stories and eventually vocal support of Archbishop Wilson for some reason.

We eventually got bored and decided to go to the Port Elliot bakery for a honey-stick, where the line-up was nearly as long as a boomer’s reply.

The change.org petition’s suggested new names for the beach include:

– Ubereats Beach

– Bae Bay

– Selfie Shore

– Pronoun Coast

– Kombucha Cove

– Plant Bay(sed)

– OK Boomer Beach

However, as the demographic of the region surrounding Boomer Beach is exactly that, for now it seems the apt name, along with rising sea level, will be staying.

Editor’s note: Thanks to Rob McLean, a Generation X observer, for alerting us about this news story.

We also encourage our readers to share the change.org petition so we can outrage boomers and make them it’s ‘real news’. We put this bit in smaller font so they can’t read it.

Tags: in News, Travel
Related Posts

Phone lines jammed as 24 million Australians all ring Victor Harbor to check on Nan

17 March, 2020

17 March, 2020

TOM STEWART In what has become a serious test of the nation’s telecommunications infrastructure, 24 million phone calls were placed...

Satirical news site runs out of TV commercials to rank, now completely out of ideas

29 May, 2020

29 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s second favourite source of fake news has been revealed for the sham that it is, with...

New sports radio station 1629 SEN releases coverage map

10 December, 2018

10 December, 2018

Following questions about the breadth of new sports-only radio station SEN’s broadcast coverage, the fledgling station has released a comprehensive...

Stirling celebrates record low crime, waste, and vaccination rates

12 December, 2018

12 December, 2018

The Adelaide Hills town of Stirling is celebrating at the end of this year, with statistics showing a trifecta of...

Boomer at work despite flu to ensure he can insult vegan fest attendee

28 October, 2019

28 October, 2019

While Adelaide’s vegans may be recovering from a weekend spent at Rundle Park’s Vegan Festival, one local boomer has dashed...

“Our one mistake was not charging more for a thickshake” – 50SixOne

1 March, 2020

1 March, 2020

With the business in the hands of liquidators and its three remaining stores now closed, the owners of 50sixone have...

Karen no longer knows how to threaten local businesses without Today Tonight

27 November, 2019

27 November, 2019

LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!: This morning as Clarence Gardens facebook-mum of two Karen Decrows, 43, set off for...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

Superloop gives up, starts referring to itself as ‘Clipsal’

21 February, 2019

21 February, 2019

Before the first Superloop 500 event has even started, the company behind the naming rights has reportedly already given up...

Dog & Duck social media guy fucking nails it, yet again

3 January, 2020

3 January, 2020

While most businesses are finding it harder and harder to have their voice heard on social media, Adelaide nightclub Dog...

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Rundle Mall buskers now allowed to expand their repertoire beyond Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

17 December, 2018

17 December, 2018

In a controversial move, the Adelaide City Council has agreed to a trial period where buskers can perform songs that...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Fullarton Road servo sells out of these sunnies for some reason

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In what has been described by economists as an unpredicted and alarming spike in demand, a Fullarton Road service station...

Next 8 hours of office chat reserved for ‘that weather last night’

11 July, 2019

11 July, 2019

When the most interesting thing to happen to the typical office employee between the hours of 5pm and 9am is...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: