5 March, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Study finds 97% of Medindie car crashes caused by drivers looking up Scotty’s kilt

The Road And Car Executive has released their most recent annual Medindie accident causation report, with some startling results.

‘There’s definitely one main crash hotspot in Medindie,’ stated the Executive’s vice-caterer Kara Ceedent ‘right on the corner of Main North Road and Nottage Terrace’.

The yearly investigations revealed that motorists turning left onto Main North Road towards the city, had a higher chance of being distracted at this location compared to anywhere else in South Australia.

Our small team sat outside the motel 24 hours a day for this investigation. It was an extensive operation, but luckily some kind patrons in the hotel car-park supplied us with some stimulants

Kara continued, ‘our investigation team undertook an in-depth investigation to ascertain the causation of this road anomaly. We rented at South Australia’s premier hotel establishment, Scotty’s Motel, for months at a time to find out why all the accidents happened right here’.

The traffic survey found that the majority of motorists lean across their passenger seat to try and catch a glimpse up the kilt. Over the course of 2018, it was observed that this caused countless rear-end bingles, traffic obstructions, cars drifting onto the footpath for a closer look, and somehow traffic flowing in the opposite direction during peak hour several times a month.

Despite all of this, nobody has ever really to gain a perfect glimpse to see what is up there, so expert advice is that all motorists continue to look up the kilt when possible.

The Road And Car Executive is pleased they have found the cause of the majority of Medindie car accidents, and their hard work has paid off. Kara stated ‘our small team sat outside the motel 24 hours a day for this investigation. It was an extensive operation, but luckily some kind patrons in the hotel car-park supplied us with some stimulants that kept us awake for days at a time’.

Related Posts

Magic Cave now just a ‘Magic 3 x 4 metre room’

19 November, 2018

19 November, 2018

Budget cuts and declining sponsors have hit the Magic Cave hard this year, with Santa and his entire grotto allocated...

4 hour parking limit very optimistic about people’s desire to spend their time at Colonnades

27 August, 2020

27 August, 2020

One of Adelaide’s southern suburbs shopping and smoking centres has come under scrutiny around its imposed parking limit times. Colonnades...

Election announced: Someone in Mt Barker orders 1,000 novelty cheques

11 April, 2019

11 April, 2019

Following the announcement from acting Prime Minister Scott Morrison that Australians will go to the polls on May 18th, somebody...

Sight of OTR toilet instantly cures man’s violent diarrhoea

7 December, 2018

7 December, 2018

After a week in Bali and a big ‘welcome home’ night with the boys, city construction labourer, Trey Dee, was...

Number One! Number One! SA leads the nation in this one key statistic

16 August, 2019

16 August, 2019

There aren’t too many measures in which South Australia ranks first amongst Australian states. Mainland states that is. We remain...

Lucindale starts with the clingy texts after a one night stand

17 September, 2019

17 September, 2019

As the dust settles in the usually quiet town in our State’s South-East and life starts to return to normal,...

Melbourne man visits Adelaide just to complain about shop trading hours

12 January, 2019

12 January, 2019

Gouland Hambitter and his family moved to Melbourne from Adelaide when he was eight-years-old. His father had taken up a...

Misguided Get This tribute lands nerds in middle of Veale Gardens beat

4 July, 2019

4 July, 2019

An ill-advised tribute tour of every landmark referenced in cult Triple M radio show Get This has ended in the...

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

Adelaide Mail’s top 10 Adelaide 36ers of all time

6 May, 2020

6 May, 2020

Here we are again, another list. We’re just as happy about it as you, okay? Nobody wants to read lists...

Neo-nazis get wires crossed, end up at St Kilda Adventure Playground

6 January, 2019

6 January, 2019

When Salisbury’s resident neo-nazis Morgan Dolkhatch and Barry “Knuckles” Mudflap found out about an upcoming rally of right wing extremists...

Rob Lucas thanks Tammy from MyBudget for her assistance this week

5 September, 2018

5 September, 2018

Preparing his first budget in over 17 years, Treasurer Lucas wasn’t really sure where to start. ‘Yeah, it was a...

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

Farmers Union to launch new milk-based sports energy drink

16 December, 2020

16 December, 2020

"The curdle helps you clear the hurdles"

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: