28 May, 2022

Man considers moving after reading local Tea Tree Gully Facebook group

DAN SCHMIDT

Less than 48 hours after joining the local community Facebook group “WHATS GOING ON IN TEA TREE GULLY”, lifetime North-East resident Hancock O’Barn-Smart has decided it’s probably best that he move away from the area as soon as possible.

‘I just requested to join the group to find a local tradie’, Hancock told Adelaide Mail ‘but immediately it became quite clear that I’m actually surrounded by absolute idiots with zero critical thinking skills’.

Within the past two days, Hancock has seen no less than 12 unfounded conspiracy theories heavily supported by his local community, countless xenophobic top comments, residents arguing over the answers to those simple boomer Facebook riddles that have absolutely nothing to do with the local area, a marriage proposal spelt out in pepperoni on a Pizza, and such a lack of critical thinking that Hancock feels even his sub-par Modbury High education would classify him as a MENSA member in the Tea Tree Gully area.

“I’m actually frightened that these people live around me.”

Hancock O’Brien-Smart

Initially deciding to buy in the Tea Tree Gully Council region because of good property value, easy city commute, and all the glitz and glamour that the Pelican Plaza shopping experience has to offer. Over the past two days, Hancock has made plans to promptly move away from the area before the leafy north-east inevitably becomes an anarchist state governed by right-wing nuts, anti-vaxxers and those loud dickhead teenagers that hang around at the O-Bahn interchange for no reason.

‘At this point, I don’t feel my family is safe here’, continued Hancock ‘I mean, I’ve always known the elected members are cooked, but that’s okay because local council doesn’t really do anything anyway. But the sheer amount of pure idiocy by residents is what has really frightened me’.

When our reporters asked why he didn’t just simply leave the Facebook group, Hancock replied ‘It’s like a car crash, I can’t look away. It’s starting to take a hold of me. I even actually started to think I may be able to use logic and evidence to reason with another user in the comments, I need to get out before it’s too late’.

Hancock either plans to move as soon as possible, or he could simply get banned from the group by sharing this news article.

Related Posts

Mix 102.3 accidentally goes 15 minutes without playing Smash Mouth

13 December, 2019

13 December, 2019

In an unfortunate series of mistakes that may cost Mix 102.3 in the year’s final round of radio ratings, the...

“Melbourne is so much better” says girl who couldn’t afford to live there

16 July, 2019

16 July, 2019

Having recently moved back to Adelaide after a brief stint in Australia’s most consistently overcast city, polaroid photography student Edith...

Munno Para driverless bus somehow involved in road rage incident

17 July, 2019

17 July, 2019 1

A minibus that operates without anybody behind the steering wheel has somehow become embroiled in a road rage incident in...

Victorians stowed away on train raise suspicion when they try to get off at Chidda

15 July, 2020

15 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Four Victorians have raised the suspicions of fellow passengers when they attempted to alight at the mythical Chidda...

“R U OK? Day” followed up with far less popular “R U OBAHN? Day”

11 September, 2020

11 September, 2020

In the wake of the extremely important R U OK? Day, a group of South Australian public transport enthusiasts has...

Five fun things to do this weekend in…*checks sign*…GLENELP

12 November, 2021

12 November, 2021

GLENELP is apparently a small seaside city that very few locals know about. Unfamiliar even to Google Maps, which keeps...

SA girl Cassie Sainsbury reportedly excited for upcoming “White Wedding”

19 November, 2021

19 November, 2021

TOM STEWART With news breaking yesterday that local girl Cassandra Sainsbury is engaged, it is reported she is now looking...

Kid dressed as Britannia Roundabout wins Adelaide’s scariest costume contest

31 October, 2020

31 October, 2020

DAN SCHMIDT Britani-AHH!!: Adelaide held its annual scariest Halloween costume contest this morning, with thousands of children from all around...

Power fans start pretending they always follow SANFL

20 September, 2019

20 September, 2019

With the Port Adelaide Magpies facing off against Glenelg in the SANFL Grand Final this weekend, Port Power fans will...

Rob Lucas thanks Tammy from MyBudget for her assistance this week

5 September, 2018

5 September, 2018

Preparing his first budget in over 17 years, Treasurer Lucas wasn’t really sure where to start. ‘Yeah, it was a...

Gawler line passenger set for great day after altercation-free commute

17 October, 2018

17 October, 2018

Startling footage has emerged from a security camera on-board an Adelaide-bound Gawler train this morning showing an entirely incident-free trip....

Penfolds to release limited edition cask Grange

20 December, 2019

20 December, 2019

In an effort to appeal to a wider and less affluent market, Penfolds have taken a new and innovative direction for their...

South Australia’s Top 10 WAGS

11 January, 2021

11 January, 2021

As a news outlet run by two men, we at the Adelaide Mail find nothing more enjoyable and appropriate than...

Kid who asked for “Leggo” getting a jar of pasta sauce from South Aussie Santa

10 November, 2020

10 November, 2020

As November begins it means that our department stores and suburban shops are soon to be filled with Santas (actually,...

Nu-Metal band sees potential in Adelaide Real Estate Market

6 June, 2019

6 June, 2019

With the Adelaide Real Estate market still representing great value for investors and first home buyers, a new agency established...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: