15 April, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Fun Fact: TTP actually stands for ‘That Terrible Place’

DAN SCHMIDT

“WhY iS tHe rEtAiL sEcToR fAiLiNg?”: It is a little known fact that the north-eastern shopping centre was initially named “That Terrible Place” before trying to hide this bizarre choice by rebranding as “Tea Tree Plaza” once established. However, in recent years, it seems that there is certainly no hiding “That Terrible Place” is still apt as ever.

First of all, the place literally stinks like raw sewerage a lot of the time. Now, we’re not sure if this is the fault of centre management, Tea Tree Gully’s ongoing septic problems, or simply the odor that arises once you put a whole bunch of Modbury residents together, but man does That Terrible Place stink to high heaven. Let’s just say shoppers aren’t wearing those masks because of the COVID risk, it seems to be the only way to survive a quick trip to K-Mart and 42nd Street Cafe at this point.

Secondly, not only does it literally stink, it figuratively stinks also. Look, it’s always been known that if you’re looking for a high-end shopping experience in the north-east, Pelican Plaza has always been the glitzy place to go, but in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s TTP was a suitable second option if needed. But recently, it seems that angry derros and obnoxious teenagers outnumber the ineffective centre security by far.

It seems the centre’s slogan “Your one stop for shopping and fun” could officially be replaced with “What Are You Farken’ Lookin’ At?!” to better reflect the current feel of TTP. Adelaide Mail is led to believe that TTP’s INTERSPORT has never actually sold a Champion hoodie or cap, despite the retailer having to restock its shelves with these items every week.

Rather than fixing the smell or hiring security, it appears management feels that investing in parking inspectors to fine shoppers after they’ve had to endure all the sights and smells of the complex is the best way to maintain patronage.

And whilst we’re on parking, what has clearly been a genius move by TTP is extending the centre, not replacing the parking spaces lost, and then giving a quarter of prime parking spaces to a car wash business. This move is not only ridiculous for the reason that it results in fewer parking spaces, but everyone knows that if you leave your car parked anywhere at TTP long enough, you will have it cleaned for free from teenagers sitting on it.

Also, why the hell is some of the place carpeted? This isn’t that nice part of grandma’s house where you can’t take in any food or drinks, thousands of people are going to be walking, drinking and probably spitting on that carpet, so it seems like an incredibly odd and unhygienic choice for a major shopping centre.

We do admit, the recent alfresco extension of TTP has been done very well, and is particularly enticing if you enjoy paying double the price for the same meal you can get directly across the road.

Yes, it is truly a mystery as to why Australian’s aren’t spending as much at the shops anymore.

Related Posts

Old mate puts Holden badge on new Camaro

30 July, 2019

30 July, 2019

With the release of American muscle-car the Chevrolet Camaro to Australia, avid Holden fan Beau Ghan was excited to somehow get...

Woman hailed as genius for finding secret express route from City to TTP

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

TRENT BARTLETT Victorian motorist Ransack Platoon has been labelled as a genius by motoring groups after discovering a shortcut that...

Royal Park Salvage mascot should really get that middle leg looked at

11 February, 2020

11 February, 2020

Look, we’re not going to pretend we know what Royal Park Salvage does, or even go to the effort of...

Adelaide Uni law student disappoints family of doctors

24 April, 2019

24 April, 2019

Sometimes having the best opportunities in life does not necessarily lead to fulfilling every expectation. Few things illuminate this concept...

Adelaide poaches Open Mouth Kissing Strangers You’ve Just Met Festival from Victoria

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT In news that has been sitting on our desk for years, but we never got around to writing...

New sports radio station 1629 SEN releases coverage map

10 December, 2018

10 December, 2018

Following questions about the breadth of new sports-only radio station SEN’s broadcast coverage, the fledgling station has released a comprehensive...

“Yeah that counts as a bath” says dad who has clearly given up for the year

22 December, 2019

22 December, 2019

In what was initially meant to just be letting the kids “dip their feet in” the water play area of...

Modbury man and Brighton woman begin long-distance relationship

3 May, 2019

3 May, 2019

Finding love isn’t always easy, but a couple from opposite sides of the city are trying to defy all odds...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

‘AFL players will struggle to pay for second story on Queensland holiday homes’ – Brad Crouch

27 March, 2020

27 March, 2020 1

Star Adelaide Crow player Brad Crouch has told Adelaide Mail that some players would ‘struggle to pay for their second...

Campbelltown man installs sprinklers to water concrete while he’s on holiday

12 July, 2018

12 July, 2018

A Campbelltown man has installed a state-of-the-art, new sprinkler system to continue a strict routine of concrete watering over his...

Bloke who spent $900 on Home Lottery tickets very satisfied with his $75 Heatworks gift card

28 September, 2018

28 September, 2018

Troy Simons of Rosewater, lives by the old adage ‘you gotta’ be in it to win it’, and ‘win it’...

We rank Adelaide’s top (and only) 3 working digital Adelaide Metro signs

18 November, 2019

18 November, 2019

What was meant to be Adelaide Mail’s first barely readable, every item on a different page, advertisement clogged ‘Top 10 List’, has...

Gran no longer needs to save her dollar coins for “laundry”

27 September, 2019

27 September, 2019

For the past twenty years grandmother Judice Freespins has been known to save every dollar coin she comes across for her...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: