16 January, 2022 South Australia's other fake news source

Fun Fact: TTP actually stands for ‘That Terrible Place’

DAN SCHMIDT

“WhY iS tHe rEtAiL sEcToR fAiLiNg?”: It is a little known fact that the north-eastern shopping centre was initially named “That Terrible Place” before trying to hide this bizarre choice by rebranding as “Tea Tree Plaza” once established. However, in recent years, it seems that there is certainly no hiding “That Terrible Place” is still apt as ever.

First of all, the place literally stinks like raw sewerage a lot of the time. Now, we’re not sure if this is the fault of centre management, Tea Tree Gully’s ongoing septic problems, or simply the odor that arises once you put a whole bunch of Modbury residents together, but man does That Terrible Place stink to high heaven. Let’s just say shoppers aren’t wearing those masks because of the COVID risk, it seems to be the only way to survive a quick trip to K-Mart and 42nd Street Cafe at this point.

Secondly, not only does it literally stink, it figuratively stinks also. Look, it’s always been known that if you’re looking for a high-end shopping experience in the north-east, Pelican Plaza has always been the glitzy place to go, but in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s TTP was a suitable second option if needed. But recently, it seems that angry derros and obnoxious teenagers outnumber the ineffective centre security by far.

It seems the centre’s slogan “Your one stop for shopping and fun” could officially be replaced with “What Are You Farken’ Lookin’ At?!” to better reflect the current feel of TTP. Adelaide Mail is led to believe that TTP’s INTERSPORT has never actually sold a Champion hoodie or cap, despite the retailer having to restock its shelves with these items every week.

Rather than fixing the smell or hiring security, it appears management feels that investing in parking inspectors to fine shoppers after they’ve had to endure all the sights and smells of the complex is the best way to maintain patronage.

And whilst we’re on parking, what has clearly been a genius move by TTP is extending the centre, not replacing the parking spaces lost, and then giving a quarter of prime parking spaces to a car wash business. This move is not only ridiculous for the reason that it results in fewer parking spaces, but everyone knows that if you leave your car parked anywhere at TTP long enough, you will have it cleaned for free from teenagers sitting on it.

Also, why the hell is some of the place carpeted? This isn’t that nice part of grandma’s house where you can’t take in any food or drinks, thousands of people are going to be walking, drinking and probably spitting on that carpet, so it seems like an incredibly odd and unhygienic choice for a major shopping centre.

We do admit, the recent alfresco extension of TTP has been done very well, and is particularly enticing if you enjoy paying double the price for the same meal you can get directly across the road.

Yes, it is truly a mystery as to why Australian’s aren’t spending as much at the shops anymore.

Related Posts

South Australian banned from returning to Adelaide from Victoria Square

31 July, 2020

31 July, 2020

Alrighty. Strap yourselves in readers, because with a headline like that, this is surely going to be a pretty poor...

Victor Harbor horse-drawn tram still more frequent and reliable than 90% of Adelaide Metro buses

4 February, 2020

4 February, 2020

This year’s winners of the public transport performance awards for SA have been released, and it’s good news for patrons...

Humphrey B Bear says cancel culture has killed opportunities for mute, pantsless bears on TV

22 March, 2021

22 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Australia’s most famous boater hat-wearing anthropomorphic bear has broken his decades-long silence to add to the chorus of...

Crows family members plead for exemption to leave South Australia after sons’ 2020 season

25 September, 2020

25 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Following the decision by health authorities to allow Port Power family members into SA on a special exemption...

Maslin Beach declared as exposure site (but has nothing to do with COVID-19)

21 July, 2021

21 July, 2021

With the list of local COVID-19 exposure sites growing quicker than that bloke behind the bushes, another has been added...

Rip It Up relaunches with Pokies reviews and noise complaint liftout

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Heritage Adelaide street press Rip It Up magazine is set for a relaunch with a new focus on reflecting the...

Advertiser finance editor absolutely qualified to review Fringe shows

4 March, 2019

4 March, 2019

As tightening budgets continue to put pressure on satirical newspaper The Advertiser’s shrinking newsroom, the annual festival season has once...

90s Toyota Commercial still killing it at every SA Caravan Park

29 November, 2019

29 November, 2019

The 20th annual Caravan Recreation Area Park comedy awards were held at Lake Bonney last weekend, with one classic comedy...

South Australians go into three-month, self-imposed lockdown following end of Fringe

21 March, 2021

21 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Adelaideans have retreated into their annual, self-imposed lockdown for a quarter of the year following the end of...

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

15 November, 2018

15 November, 2018

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed...

Johnny Haysman eats 2kg bag of sugar in attempt to gain YouTube subscribers

6 March, 2019

6 March, 2019

In an attempt to appeal to a younger market and beat the YouTube algorithm, local eccentric Adelaide legend John Haysman...

Noel’s Caravans jingle tops SA reggae charts for 728th consecutive week

19 October, 2018

19 October, 2018

For over a decade the laid back calypso beats and offbeat feeling of the Noel’s Caravans jingle has been so...

Fullarton Road servo sells out of these sunnies for some reason

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In what has been described by economists as an unpredicted and alarming spike in demand, a Fullarton Road service station...

Prison Bar design actually based on smiles of Port Adelaide fans

28 September, 2020

28 September, 2020

As the battle between Port Adelaide and Collingwood around who owns vertical monochrome stripes continues, football historians have discovered that...

Plans for Adelaide Hills Theme Park ‘Magic Mount Lofty’ announced

22 March, 2019

22 March, 2019

The Adelaide Hills Council have announced development plans for a ‘new’ theme park at the state’s most popular hiking destination...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: