19 October, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Local dealer making absolute bank thanks to Illuminate Adelaide

Adelaide’s festival of lights (the non-religious one) has unintentionally stimulated the local economy, according to local stimulant economists.

Adelaide Mail reporters met with somewhat-illegitimate businessperson P. Lugg *(first name withheld for protection reasons), who we just happened to already be going to see anyway on a completely unrelated matter. Paul stated ‘This festival has been great for my business. I’ve got my rent paid for the next two years thanks to the “Light Cycles” event alone’.

It appears that the only thing South Australian’s love more than looking at shining lights, is chemically enhancing the experience of looking at those shining lights.

Paul L. *(surname withheld for protection reasons) continued by stating ‘It’s great to see my business is not only recovering post-covid, but also booming peak-covid’ stated Paul Lugg, the local drug dealer ‘Which reminds me, are you guys gonna pay for your last lot or are we going to have some issues again?’

Please help.

Buy Adelaide Mail a “coffee”.

A$4.20

Related Posts

Chairman Mao’s portrait to be replaced with image of Pasquale Mastrangelo

16 August, 2018

16 August, 2018

The famous gates of Beijing’s Forbidden City are about to receive a real estate agent-inspired makeover, courtesy of Adelaide commercial...

QUIZ: Which Adelaide Road Are You??

12 December, 2022

12 December, 2022

Are you SMART enough to take this quiz?

90s Toyota Commercial still killing it at every SA Caravan Park

29 November, 2019

29 November, 2019

The 20th annual Caravan Recreation Area Park comedy awards were held at Lake Bonney last weekend, with one classic comedy...

Adelaide Mail launches new kids’ alternate news service “Below The News”

4 February, 2022

4 February, 2022

South Australian children have grown tired of being pushed a constant mainstream narrative by the Adelaide produced “Behind The News”...

Person who calls The Grove “The Grove” clearly not from around here

28 July, 2022

28 July, 2022

A shopper in Adelaide’s north-eastern suburbs has turned a few heads this morning after referring to Golden Grove’s fourth best...

The Queen just found out Elizabeth is named after her and she is fucking pissed

31 May, 2021

31 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT As if her year couldn’t get any worse, Queen Elizabeth II has just learned that the northern Adelaide...

Government throws the best ever foam party on the Glenelg shore

3 October, 2025

3 October, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT Crowds flocked to Glenelg this week after the South Australian Government announced it would no longer refer to...

Next 8 hours of office chat reserved for ‘that weather yesterday’

3 November, 2025

3 November, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT When the most interesting thing to happen to the typical office employee between the hours of 5pm and...

Albo only visiting Sturt electorate to see if he can drive his car on the O-Bahn

20 May, 2022

20 May, 2022

Federal Labor Leader Anthony Albanese has spent the final day of the election campaign visiting the South Australian electorate of...

Dad definitely not afraid of climbing Big Rocking Horse, just thinks you’d have more fun without him

30 June, 2022

30 June, 2022

Dad of two, Don White-Nubalince from Modbury, took his children to their quarterly “non-pay-week activity” last weekend. After narrowly avoiding...

Chief Medical Officer dismisses conspiracy theory that blames 5G for Caleb Bond

11 May, 2020

11 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT The state’s deputy-deputy chief medical officer Dr Morris Gypsum has dismissed a conspiracy theory that points the finger...

Turns out Trump has been mistaking Greenland for Greenhills Adventure Park this whole time

19 January, 2026

19 January, 2026

TRENT BARTLETT US President Donald Trump has confirmed he has been accidentally pursuing the purchase of Greenland after years of...

Qualified “Doctor” finally weighs in on Aliir Aliir controversy

31 July, 2023

31 July, 2023

TOM STEWART An eastern suburbs doctor has added his opinion to the growing public controversy over Aliir Aliir’s head knock...

REVEALED: Infrastructure plans to ease traffic on South Eastern Freeway

6 October, 2021

6 October, 2021

With South Eastern Freeway Traffic continually becoming worse, we at the Adelaide Mail have taken it upon ourselves to solve...

Private school alumni excited for not watching cricket season

20 October, 2020

20 October, 2020

As football season has wrapped up for the state of South Australia, the attention of Adelaide’s private school alumni turns...

Comments
Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading