4 February, 2023

Moana commuter really appreciates that 20m stretch of Fiveash Dr with the 70kmh speed limit

TRENT BARTLETT

A Moana resident who commutes to Adelaide’s eastern suburbs every day for work, has once again sent his compliments to DPTI for that twenty metre stretch of Fiveash Drive where the speed limit goes from 60kmh to 70kmh.

Elmer Poppleton works as an Egg Tester at Norwood Foodland and says that the drive home would be nightmarishly long, if not for that twenty metre stretch of Fiveash Drive where the speed limit goes from 60kmh to 70kmh.

‘My drive home every day would be nightmarishly long if not for that twenty metre stretch of Fiveash Drive where the speed limit goes from 60kmh to 70kmh,’ Poppleton tells us in a quote that will surely see another of Adelaide Mail’s subeditors stood down.

‘It used to be 70 for far longer along that road, but to be honest, that was a bit much. A bit show-offy for us Southies. Why would you want to live up north? You’ve got everything you need right on Moana’s doorstep. Beaches, McLaren Vale, Mick O’Shea’s Irish Pub.’

My drive home every day would be nightmarishly long if not for that twenty metre stretch of Fiveash Drive where the speed limit goes from 60kmh to 70kmh

Poppleton continued to list off all the benefits of living on the south side of the city in a completely unprompted monologue. However, because the entire Adelaide Mail staff have never stepped foot anywhere south of Westfield Marion, we couldn’t really continue quoting him.

The Department of Planning, Transport and Infrastructure told Adelaide Mail that the twenty metre change in speed limit has been so effective that they will look at rolling out even shorter speed limit zones around the city.

‘North Terrace could be next in line for a trial, we’re always looking at ways to make driving down that street more infuriating,’ DPTI’s Head of Infuriating Speed Limits and Arbitrary Speed Limit Lowerer Frank Goosbelt.

‘We’re thinking we’ll go 50kmh, then when you pass Gawler Place, down to 25 for about twelve metres, then back up to 40, then we’re thinking of a new type of speed limit once you pass King William where you have to drive at exactly 27kmh for thirteen metres…I hate motorists.’

Related Posts

300-year-old gum tree to be shipped in for Burnside Village redevelopment

10 March, 2020

10 March, 2020

With demolition works underway for the latest expansion to Burnside Village, the shopping centre’s owners have revealed their latest idea...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Victor Harbor horse-drawn tram still more frequent and reliable than 90% of Adelaide Metro buses

4 February, 2020

4 February, 2020

This year’s winners of the public transport performance awards for SA have been released, and it’s good news for patrons...

Last SA made Commodore sells for 750k. Last SA made Mitsubishi 380 still unsold at 3k ONO.

1 February, 2021

1 February, 2021

As the last ever South Australian made Holden Commodore sold at auction for $750,000 over the weekend, a similarly iconic...

Archaeologists baffled by discovery of ancient relic in Ingle Farm Shopping Centre

4 January, 2023

4 January, 2023

TRENT BARTLETT Though widely known as Adelaide’s “local place for fashion”, Ingle Farm Shopping Centre also plays host to some...

Everyone laughs at the big fake googly eyes, but nobody is laughing about the big fake dildo we put on Scotty

17 January, 2022

17 January, 2022

In our desperate attempt to gain approval from local hilarious meme-lords and bumper-sticker-merchants, Shit Adelaide, we here at Adelaide Mail...

Office worker finds any excuse to tell you that she did City To Bay

16 September, 2019

16 September, 2019

You don’t typically see Sarah from marketing at the office before 9am at best. And to see her away from...

“South Boy” reckons Christies is heaps rougher than Smithfield

25 February, 2020

25 February, 2020 1

Despite never having travelled north of Prospect, Witton Huntfield of Christies Beach firmly believes that Adelaide’s southern suburbs are far...

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

31 October, 2018

31 October, 2018

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from...

Fewer baby girls being named ‘Elizabeth’ in South Australia compared to other states for unknown reason

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

Researchers for the University of Adelaide are completely baffled at the newly discovered abnormality of fewer females bearing the name...

“We don’t even think about Adelaide” says Victorian as he writes 400 word op-Ed about Adelaide

2 June, 2022

2 June, 2022

GUEST COLUMNIST: VICTOR IAN NOBB Inspired by Melbourne satirical newspaper The Herald Sun, we employed our own Melburnian to write...

Far-Ken Hall! Adelaide’s biggest plumber goes rural

2 October, 2019

2 October, 2019

Adelaide’s biggest plumbing business, Ken Hall Plumbers is expanding its operations across rural South Australia. Marketing manager for Ken Hall...

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

Adelaide Oval Christmas Pageant limited to only 25,000 bagpipers

22 September, 2020

22 September, 2020

A 90 percent reduction on previous years.

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: