14 May, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Port Adelaide celebrates 25th anniversary of really taking off in the next few years

DAN SCHMIDT

This week officially marked the 25th anniversary of Port Adelaide locals, clueless investors and desperate medium-density housing developers all maintaining that Port Adelaide will be the next big thing in the next five or so years.

And whilst it is clear that many glass fronted rendered concrete depreciating assets have made their way to the Port, it seems the majority of South Australia’s population remain unconvinced. However, what Port Adelaide lacks in tenancy rates, it certainly makes up for in derelict buildings and pigeon excrement.

We spoke with a lifetime Port Adelaide resident, 32 year old grandmother Karen DePear around what will make Port Adelaide such an enticing and vibrant location in the future.

‘Yeah, the Port’s really gonna take off in the next few years I reckon. It really has it all, close to the beach, close to the highway, close to my dealers, it’s great. Plus if you need to get to the city, it’s only a painstakingly slow 40 minute train ride, or if you’re not in a rush, you can take the hour long scenic route on the bus. I say “scenic” because you’ll always have a passenger making a scene on that trip, it’s free entertainment’.

DePear continued ‘Yeah, it’s gonna take off I tell you, aaaany day now. I mean, look at all this development going on. If the place wasn’t going to take off soon they wouldn’t just keep building new places when there’s nobody in the ones they built a few years ago. They’re not stupid. Gonna take off. Any day now. Soon. Aaaany day soon, the Port’s taking off’.

We had to conclude the interview there as Karen’s 1930’s abode was suddenly being demolished to make way for a new high rise apartment block.

‘SEE! THE PORT’S REALLY GONNA TAKE OFF SOON!’ Karen yelled as she ran from the collapsing structure.

in Life, News
Related Posts

City resident can’t go twenty minutes without telling someone they live in the CBD

15 October, 2018

15 October, 2018

Even after months after moving into her new South Terrace apartment, Ebony Higgs of Adelaide, continues to remind everyone of...

“Our one mistake was not charging more for a thickshake” – 50SixOne

1 March, 2020

1 March, 2020

With the business in the hands of liquidators and its three remaining stores now closed, the owners of 50sixone have...

Magic Cave now just a ‘Magic 3 x 4 metre room’

19 November, 2018

19 November, 2018

Budget cuts and declining sponsors have hit the Magic Cave hard this year, with Santa and his entire grotto allocated...

Remember when K-Mart was still called Keith-Martyn’s? And only sold Keith Martyn Almanacs?

4 May, 2020

4 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT We’re sure that older readers of Adelaide Mail remember this. In fact, if you do you are probably...

“Emo Park” rebrands as “Ska Park” in attempt to brighten reputation

3 October, 2019

3 October, 2019

The north-western pocket of Hindmarsh square has always been a strange place. Along with being home to what was awarded...

Calm down Jessica, it’s Lofty, not Everest

21 December, 2018

21 December, 2018

With a backpack full of rations, emergency supplies, and flares, Jessica Peak is fully equipped for her 3.9km Waterfall Gully to Mount...

Unley Mum-of-three wine drunk for forty-seventh consecutive night under guise of “supporting local”

9 June, 2020

9 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Unley mother and professional car park line-ignorer* Gelded Coolslap is looking at seven straight weeks without a sober...

Due to COVID-19 restrictions, Christmas Pageant postponed until at least September

16 June, 2020

16 June, 2020

It gets earlier every year, unless it doesn't.

4 hour parking limit very optimistic about people’s desire to spend their time at Colonnades

27 August, 2020

27 August, 2020

One of Adelaide’s southern suburbs shopping and smoking centres has come under scrutiny around its imposed parking limit times. Colonnades...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

Adelaide poaches Open Mouth Kissing Strangers You’ve Just Met Festival from Victoria

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT In news that has been sitting on our desk for years, but we never got around to writing...

Business who still hasn’t added 8 to phone number probably shonky

18 October, 2019

18 October, 2019

A television and VCR repair shop on Goodwood Road in Adelaide’s inner south is staring the wind of change in...

Fewer baby girls being named ‘Elizabeth’ in South Australia compared to other states for unknown reason

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

Researchers for the University of Adelaide are completely baffled at the newly discovered abnormality of fewer females bearing the name...

Old mate puts Holden badge on new Camaro

30 July, 2019

30 July, 2019

With the release of American muscle-car the Chevrolet Camaro to Australia, avid Holden fan Beau Ghan was excited to somehow get...

Sober Sea & Vines patron can still hear DJ Ötzi’s Hey Baby in his ears

11 June, 2019

11 June, 2019

Having committed to a well-intentioned but poorly-timed ‘month off the turps’ Alsace Lorraine found himself as designated driver for this...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: