27 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

This ALDI cookware is such a bargain you’ll almost forget about Australia’s history of systemic racism

TRENT BARTLETT

What a glorious year under the good graces of the ALDI gods it has been. Just when we thought 2020 could not get any better, those magnificent German bastards have gone ahead and over-ordered a range of French cast iron cookware.

And of course it’s a bargain! It’s such a bargain that it will nearly make you forget about Australian’s history of systemic racism.

Sure, we’ll admit it. We’ve devoted at least two stories a week on our website to ALDI’s Special Buys, and while you might think that we’re getting some sort of kickback for such shameless pandering, we’re not. In fact, stories about ALDI’s Special Buys are the only ones that you mongrels click on anymore.

I mean, we assume it’s the only thing you’ll click on. We haven’t really tried much else. We did almost publish an article about Australia’s treatment of asylum seekers back in 2018, but then we got a press release about how Coles were going to bring back the Pick ‘N’ Mix to their Tea Tree Plaza store so we ran with that.

But come on, they’re selling a Dutch Oven for just twenty bucks or something! ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING TO US?!?

It is a massive saving! This particular Dutch Oven would usually sell for $369.00. That’s a saving of over 90 per cent. To put that into perspective, Indigenous Australians have accounted for around 35 per cent of all deaths in custody in Australia since 1991*.

What a bargain. If that doesn’t make you forget that 432 Indigenous Australians have died while in custody since 1991, then we’re just not sure what will.

*Despite only making up 3.3 per cent of Australia’s population.

Editor’s note: No, this is not only a South Australian story. And yes, this is something that we should have been paying more attention to for a long time. But if we don’t talk about this now, then when do we talk about it? Now is not the time to look on at another country’s situation and claim the moral high ground.

Related Posts

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

25 September, 2019

25 September, 2019

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

30 April, 2019

30 April, 2019

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port...

Car controlled by bees still more courteous than most Adelaide drivers

26 September, 2019

26 September, 2019

In a growing trend to worry drivers and parents across Adelaide, South Australian motorists are surrendering their cars to swarms...

Hollywood Plaza just happy to make the news for something that isn’t an armed robbery

17 November, 2020

17 November, 2020

As the Parafield COVID cluster tracing focuses on more locations in the northern suburbs, one venue has taken this as...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

New Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee merchandise instantly sells out of 5XL sizing

27 June, 2019

27 June, 2019

With Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee desperately trying to target the insta-millennial market with their new line of merchandise, the new...

Ingle Farm shopping centre considering radical third Coles store

13 September, 2019

13 September, 2019

Following the success of the populist “A Chicken In Every Pot, Two Coles in Every Mall” plan, Ingle Farm Shopping...

Royal Adelaide Show Cancelled: Who will judge Nan’s knitted Golliwogs now?

14 April, 2020

14 April, 2020

DAN SCHMIDT News has broken that the Royal Adelaide Show has been cancelled for the fifth time in history. Previously...

Power fan really hopes those photos from 1993 never resurface

16 October, 2020

16 October, 2020

1993, it was a simpler time. No social media, you could still smoke on public transport (well you weren’t meant...

REVEALED: Chicken Chef actually only qualified as a Kitchenhand

4 November, 2019

4 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Road workers bored with South Road, add some sick jumps to Blackwood roundabout instead

17 July, 2020

17 July, 2020

F**K IT FRIDAY: For generations road “workers” have been “working” on South Road in a quest to make some sort...

What the hell is East Terrace’s deal, anyway?

29 July, 2019

29 July, 2019

For all the plaudits paid to South Australia’s most famous drawer of grids Colonel William Light, nobody has ever bothered...

Lucy Cornes confronts Martin Scorsese for stealing that Goodfellas tracking shot from her

10 February, 2020

10 February, 2020

Founder of digital marketing agency She Digital and self-described ‘Spiritual Being’ Lucy Cornes has taken to social media to accuse...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: