28 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Outrage as advertising projected on to Adelaide’s most famous cultural landmark

The iconic brick façade of Adelaide’s West End Brewery will be used to advertise a party supplies shop after SA premier Stephen Marshall bowed to pressure from Sydney shock jock Alan Jones to allow advertising on the side of the important cultural institution.

The news comes following a public stoush between Jones and West End head brewer Justin Head-Brewer in which Jones labelled the West End chief ‘a charlatan’ and ‘a witch’ while suggesting that Mr Head-Brewer’s actions warrant him being ‘strangled, stuffed into a chaff bag and driven out to the middle of Australia where wild camels will be free to do as they please with the bag’s contents’.

In spite of several complaints, peak broadcasting authority ACMA ruled that Jones’s comments were not out-of-order, although they suggested that Jones consider softening his wording in future.

ACMA spokesperson Julius Censaur told Adelaide Mail ‘after an extensive inquiry, we have found that Jones did not breach the radio industry’s code of conduct as his words did not incite violence. The fact is that if somebody wanted to carry out those acts against Mr Head-Brewer they would have to find out what the hell a chaff bag is, buy one, stuff an entire man’s body into it and then drive out to the middle of Australia in the hope that wild camels happen to find it. We think people are just far too lazy for that’.

Censaur continues ‘even then we would have to assume that the camels had heard the Alan Jones program, otherwise they would have no idea about the significance of the bag’s contents. They’d probably just think “great another chaff bag…whatever that is”. Now as far as we know, 2GB’s signal does not carry to the centre of Australia so the camels would have to be subscribers to the Alan Jones podcast, which poses its own set of questions’. 

‘The camels would need to develop their own rural mobile data network to download the podcast, have access to smartphone technology and possess a human-level of intellect to comprehend the primary school level of English spoken on the 2GB Breakfast program’.

While attempts to educate the camels have so far been promising, the beasts will still need to develop opposable thumbs to operate their new smartphones. While such an evolutionary feat would usually take thousands of years, some lobby groups are fearful that it will happen before their petition gets to 250,000 signatures.

in News
Related Posts

To avoid confusion Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton / Penfold / St Bernards Road to get even more names

14 January, 2020

14 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Adelaide’s single stretch of road with more names than any other, Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton...

Guy who hasn’t been to the Casino in 15 years can’t wait to play that horse racing game again

20 January, 2020

20 January, 2020

It’s been nearly fifteen years since Whyalla man Mitch Brokeslad has ventured on down to Adelaide, but an invitation to...

Modbury resident angered by suggestion she lives in Adelaide’s northern suburbs

14 June, 2018

14 June, 2018

Modbury resident Taryn Cooke has lashed out at fellow co-workers for mistakenly suggesting that she hails from the northern suburbs...

Urgent health alert issued for anybody who visited PJ’s on a Thursday in the mid-2000s

4 August, 2020

4 August, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT People who visited an Irish-themed Adelaide city pub on a Thursday night after 9pm in the mid-2000s are...

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

21 August, 2019

21 August, 2019

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters...

Burnside teen reports child abuse after dad refuses to buy her BMW X3

28 August, 2019

28 August, 2019

A 16-year-old Burnside girl has resorted to reporting her father to the Department for Child Protection after he refused to...

Burnside SUV driver will definitely only be five minutes in the loading zone

20 July, 2018

20 July, 2018

Burnside stay-at-home daughter Jacinta Hyacinth was caught short this morning on her usual coffee meet with the girls at trendy...

New food delivery service “O-Bahnacle Bill” set to challenge Uber Eats

25 January, 2019

25 January, 2019

Barnacle Bill will start delivering anywhere along the North East Busway track starting early next month. William Cirriped, Director of...

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

22 November, 2019

22 November, 2019

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online...

Dog & Duck social media guy fucking nails it, yet again

3 January, 2020

3 January, 2020

While most businesses are finding it harder and harder to have their voice heard on social media, Adelaide nightclub Dog...

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

Desperate $5 Fringe show now accepting AfterPay

13 March, 2019

13 March, 2019

Photo credit: Abi Skipp Following several weeks of lower-than-expected ticket sales, the Garden of Unearthly Delights’ cheapest ticketed show — The...

Bloke asking ‘Which Freeway do you mean?’ definitely not from here

5 November, 2019

5 November, 2019

A motorist who stopped at a Glen Osmond Road service station for directions to the closest mechanical likeness of a mythical...

Mix 102.3 accidentally goes 15 minutes without playing Smash Mouth

13 December, 2019

13 December, 2019

In an unfortunate series of mistakes that may cost Mix 102.3 in the year’s final round of radio ratings, the...

Noel’s Caravans jingle tops SA reggae charts for 728th consecutive week

19 October, 2018

19 October, 2018

For over a decade the laid back calypso beats and offbeat feeling of the Noel’s Caravans jingle has been so...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: