3 August, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Goodwood Road cemetery to add severed head sculpture to existing public artwork

TRENT BARTLETT

A Goodwood Road cemetery is looking to increase the number of sculptures depicting severed appendages in a renewed push for vaguely threatening public art along Adelaide’s north-south arterials.

The new sculpture will depict a severed head to complement the cemetery’s existing “severed hands” sculpture.

Park curator and overlord Terry Renfield says that the sculpture should act as a warning.

‘Look, look at the hands, this is the result. This, this is the wage for your sins,’ Renfield told an Adelaide Mail reporter who was tossing up whether or not to give his interviewee the Chomp bar and creaming soda that he picked up for him at the servo, having clearly misread exactly how much of a stick-in-the-mud this Renfield character would be in real life.

‘Try! Dare even! Dare cross Renfield and this could be you. Hand-less…headless even!’ he continued, bringing down the mood of the whole afternoon.

I mean, we’ve covered murder scenes, the Oakbank Racing Carnival, nothing has been as depressing as this bloke.

When asked if he believed that people want severed appendages to the first thing they see when they come to visit their lost loved ones, Renfield responded: ‘It’s the first thing I would want to see,’ because, of course he did.

‘They will sit there, beautifully outside our new section opening next week called “The people who had brief and (as far as police are concerned) innocuous encounters with Renfield before ending up here with a missing appendage Memorial Garden”. There’s going to be a lovely fountain.’

in Life, News
Related Posts

Frewville Foodland security guard not really sure why he’s there either

6 July, 2018

6 July, 2018

Seven years since taking up the role, Derek Hughes has yet to chase, apprehend, or even caution a suspect person...

Researchers find anyone who went to Mansions pre-2012 is immune to COVID-19 and most other things too

7 April, 2020

7 April, 2020

Fastracked South Australian TAFE short course health research graduates have made an initial discovery in what could be the first...

Hills Hoist and Cask Wine sales data significantly correlated for some unknown reason

27 August, 2018

27 August, 2018

Statisticians and data analysts have been left completely baffled at the strongly correlated sales data of two South Australian icons....

Superloop gives up, starts referring to itself as ‘Clipsal’

21 February, 2019

21 February, 2019

Before the first Superloop 500 event has even started, the company behind the naming rights has reportedly already given up...

Uh-oh! This article is sponsored by some company, but we forgot who

20 February, 2019

20 February, 2019

After taking a look at The Betoota Advocate’s website and seeing how much advertising money we’re missing out on, we...

Now here’s something we don’t mind Victoria stealing from SA

6 November, 2019

6 November, 2019

News has broken on several less reputable news-sites that failed Mayo candidate and novelty cheque aficionado Georgina Downer will be...

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

‘You can’t pay off COVID fines using free drink cards’, Zhivago owners told

20 July, 2020

20 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT After copping thousands of dollars in fines for breaking COVID-19 restrictions, the owners of Zhivago have been told...

Nobody really sure if the Red Tins thing is sarcastic or not

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

From twenty-somethings happily sharing the same beer with their fathers to bar owners happily off-loading their surplus of West End...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

South Australian corrects interstate friend on her pronunciation again

19 February, 2019

19 February, 2019

In what is fast becoming a deal-breaker amongst new Victorian friends and colleagues of South Australian Shelly Fischer, the freshly-migrated...

Annoying guy in office being sent to Victoria on ‘Special Assignment’ at 3:20 Tuesday

22 March, 2020

22 March, 2020

Following this morning’s ‘emergency meeting’ of the Management, Leadership and Everybody Except Jason Team, the office’s most annoying staff, Jason,...

Despite claims, study finds drinking Red Tins not actually ‘best end of the day’

15 August, 2018

15 August, 2018

Contradicting the old long-standing South Australian state slogan ‘The best end of the day, is the West End of the...

PETITION: Rename Elizabeth Shopping Centre “Centrals Market”

20 February, 2020

20 February, 2020

A group of vocal Central District Football Club supporters have launched a rather clever (especially for Centrals fans) campaign to...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas settles for Parabanks gig again

1 December, 2019

1 December, 2019

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: