19 June, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Goodwood Road cemetery to add severed head sculpture to existing public artwork

TRENT BARTLETT

A Goodwood Road cemetery is looking to increase the number of sculptures depicting severed appendages in a renewed push for vaguely threatening public art along Adelaide’s north-south arterials.

The new sculpture will depict a severed head to complement the cemetery’s existing “severed hands” sculpture.

Park curator and overlord Terry Renfield says that the sculpture should act as a warning.

‘Look, look at the hands, this is the result. This, this is the wage for your sins,’ Renfield told an Adelaide Mail reporter who was tossing up whether or not to give his interviewee the Chomp bar and creaming soda that he picked up for him at the servo, having clearly misread exactly how much of a stick-in-the-mud this Renfield character would be in real life.

‘Try! Dare even! Dare cross Renfield and this could be you. Hand-less…headless even!’ he continued, bringing down the mood of the whole afternoon.

I mean, we’ve covered murder scenes, the Oakbank Racing Carnival, nothing has been as depressing as this bloke.

When asked if he believed that people want severed appendages to the first thing they see when they come to visit their lost loved ones, Renfield responded: ‘It’s the first thing I would want to see,’ because, of course he did.

‘They will sit there, beautifully outside our new section opening next week called “The people who had brief and (as far as police are concerned) innocuous encounters with Renfield before ending up here with a missing appendage Memorial Garden”. There’s going to be a lovely fountain.’

in Life, News
Related Posts

New Morphettville homes to come with complimentary shitfaced bogan spewing in your hedge

28 May, 2025

28 May, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT A new $350 million housing estate alongside the Morphettville Racecourse is set to connect Adelaideans with two of...

Introducing “Dazzaland”! A Darren Jarman themed indoor amusement park

23 June, 2021

23 June, 2021

With the top two floors of the Adelaide Myer Centre only now about half as exciting as they used to...

LEAKED: Shortlist of Port Adelaide’s other proposed new logos

15 October, 2019

15 October, 2019

Following the unveiling of Port Adelaide Football Club’s new logo commemorating the club’s 23rd year anniversary, Adelaide Mail can reveal...

Most psychological problems in SA’s millennials able to be traced back to one TV show

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT New research has revealed the vast majority of South Australian under-40s’ psychological issues can be traced back to...

Man calling a ‘parmi’ a ‘parma’ rightfully run out of town

21 March, 2019

21 March, 2019

Jolkeep Johnton thought that he was masking his innate Victorian-ness well, he would pronounce the word ‘graph’ with an almost...

Rundle Mall spruiker seamlessly weaves passing chat into sales pitch

10 September, 2019

10 September, 2019

Rundle Mall spruiker Frank Ratta has once again shown why he was awarded ‘SA’s Most Tolerated Spruiker’ eleven years running....

The Queen just found out Elizabeth is named after her and she is fucking pissed

31 May, 2021

31 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT As if her year couldn’t get any worse, Queen Elizabeth II has just learned that the northern Adelaide...

Michael Keelan referred to as Keith Conlon for the last time!

23 September, 2018

23 September, 2018

That’s it, he’s absolutely had it. At first it was funny, sometimes even a little bit flattering, but enough is...

Crows family members plead for exemption to leave South Australia after sons’ 2020 season

25 September, 2020

25 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Following the decision by health authorities to allow Port Power family members into SA on a special exemption...

Local “Teddy Bear Hunt” replaced with far easier “Mastrangelo Real Estate Sign Hunt”

20 April, 2020

20 April, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Parents around Adelaide’s suburbs (looking for ways to distract their kids from the tedium of life that only...

Adelaide music fan about to pretend to be really into some washed-up 90s band for a few months

1 August, 2025

1 August, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT Fan of going to things because they’re on, Somerton Park resident Granvil Gesticulate has revealed his intent to...

“It’s not called Rugby!” yells man describing what is very clearly Rugby

30 May, 2023

30 May, 2023

As dozens of South Australians pretend to be excited about something they barely understand, residents from some other parts of...

Two hour line to smell putrid flower proves there’s still heaps to do in Adelaide

10 January, 2023

10 January, 2023

Sydney may have the Harbour, Melbourne may (wrongly) have the Formula One, and Perth may have whatever it is they...

Save big with your SAFM 107 Card at these places today!

27 March, 2019

27 March, 2019

Here at Adelaide Mail, we’ve got some pretty powerful friends in high places, which means our proverbial fingers are on...

New Tea Tree Plaza Timezone to include O-Bahn driving simulator

28 June, 2024

28 June, 2024

The opening of a new Timezone on the previous lower level of Myer that nobody really cared about occurred last...

Comments

Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading