9 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Girl lasts until 2nd winery pretending to care about tasting wine

Brooke Dogtram likes to think that wine tours are about more than just getting day-drunk for a nominal fee of a bus ride and one-eighth of a birthday present. That’s why she resolved that she would approach Lisa’s McLaren Vale 30th this weekend as an appreciator of fine wines.

With four winery destinations and no time for lunch, the resolution was always going to be quite the challenge for the 32-year-old doorbell tester.

I tried to maintain my enthusiasm, but like, it all tastes the same, doesn’t it?

The first stop, Black Axolotl Wines, was reassuring. Dogtram engaged with the cellar door hand across a variety of topics. Feigning interest in everything from the effect of nearby gum trees on “the shiraz’s nose” to the witchcraft-like rituals practised by the biodynamic winery.

Blue Sheep Wines, the second stop, was more of a challenge.

‘I tried to maintain my enthusiasm, but like, it all tastes the same, doesn’t it?’, Dogtram told the Adelaide Mail while urinating on the side of the road at the end of the day’s wine tour.

‘You know they want us to care about tannins, they should just be happy that we’re there giving them business’. When pressed about whether any member of the party bought any wine over the course of the day, Dogtram told us ‘no, but it’s all good advertising for them’.

‘We didn’t have time to listen to them bore us with their wine talk. We just want to neck a few glasses, have our photos taken in front of the vineyard, be slightly too loud for the people in the restaurant, swear in front of some children and have our photos taken in front of the vineyard. If what we’re doing is a crime, then fine us!’

Dogtram chose to expiate her $80 fine for urinating in a public place.

Related Posts

Adelaide man thinks shirt smelling like smoke is the biggest issue as hundreds flee homes

21 November, 2019

21 November, 2019

As residents of Yorke Peninsula have fled their homes overnight, only to hear this morning that their property is lost,...

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

15 November, 2018

15 November, 2018

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed...

Kent Town resident drives length of North Terrace without being stopped

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Dwayne Hoff of Kent Town could not believe his luck last Wednesday afternoon. As he hopped in his car to meet friends at “The Deli” in Thebarton, little did he know what was in store for him.

Sydney mate won’t shut up about the size of our pint glasses

31 January, 2019

31 January, 2019

In an act of mental gymnastics usually only displayed by whoever our current Prime Minister is, our mate Dan from...

Hills Hoist and Cask Wine sales data significantly correlated for some unknown reason

27 August, 2018

27 August, 2018

Statisticians and data analysts have been left completely baffled at the strongly correlated sales data of two South Australian icons....

Advertiser censors front page advertisement

21 October, 2019

21 October, 2019

Putting up a united front against secrecy and journalistic censorship, South Australia’s leading satirical news service has joined multiple papers...

Burnside SUV driver will definitely only be five minutes in the loading zone

20 July, 2018

20 July, 2018

Burnside stay-at-home daughter Jacinta Hyacinth was caught short this morning on her usual coffee meet with the girls at trendy...

Latest Georgina Downer anti-ALP advertisement seems legit

25 February, 2019

25 February, 2019

Despite the controversial first video starring a “concerned citizen” who just happened to be the previous State Director of the...

Despite their name, these things are pretty shithouse at jumps

12 March, 2020

12 March, 2020

Adelaide city has been flooded with hundreds of bright red e-bikes over the past week as Uber “Jump” launched a...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

Karen no longer knows how to threaten local businesses without Today Tonight

27 November, 2019

27 November, 2019

LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!: This morning as Clarence Gardens facebook-mum of two Karen Decrows, 43, set off for...

SA Masked Singer revealed to be Graham Cornes complaining about AFLW

22 October, 2019

22 October, 2019

A planned South Australian-only version of the hit reality singing competition The Masked Singer has been scrapped after only one...

Desperate $5 Fringe show now accepting AfterPay

13 March, 2019

13 March, 2019

Photo credit: Abi Skipp Following several weeks of lower-than-expected ticket sales, the Garden of Unearthly Delights’ cheapest ticketed show — The...

LOL, Melbourne thinks this is a beach

10 December, 2019

10 December, 2019

In a city where locals will constantly remind you it’s “world’s most livable” and also frequently awarded “world’s most consistently...

Mall’s Balls beginning to sag with age

6 August, 2018

6 August, 2018

Since 1977 they have proudly been on display for all to see, but it appears time is catching up the...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: