26 May, 2022

Girl lasts until 2nd winery pretending to care about tasting wine

Brooke Dogtram likes to think that wine tours are about more than just getting day-drunk for a nominal fee of a bus ride and one-eighth of a birthday present. That’s why she resolved that she would approach Lisa’s McLaren Vale 30th this weekend as an appreciator of fine wines.

With four winery destinations and no time for lunch, the resolution was always going to be quite the challenge for the 32-year-old doorbell tester.

I tried to maintain my enthusiasm, but like, it all tastes the same, doesn’t it?

The first stop, Black Axolotl Wines, was reassuring. Dogtram engaged with the cellar door hand across a variety of topics. Feigning interest in everything from the effect of nearby gum trees on “the shiraz’s nose” to the witchcraft-like rituals practised by the biodynamic winery.

Blue Sheep Wines, the second stop, was more of a challenge.

‘I tried to maintain my enthusiasm, but like, it all tastes the same, doesn’t it?’, Dogtram told the Adelaide Mail while urinating on the side of the road at the end of the day’s wine tour.

‘You know they want us to care about tannins, they should just be happy that we’re there giving them business’. When pressed about whether any member of the party bought any wine over the course of the day, Dogtram told us ‘no, but it’s all good advertising for them’.

‘We didn’t have time to listen to them bore us with their wine talk. We just want to neck a few glasses, have our photos taken in front of the vineyard, be slightly too loud for the people in the restaurant, swear in front of some children and have our photos taken in front of the vineyard. If what we’re doing is a crime, then fine us!’

Dogtram chose to expiate her $80 fine for urinating in a public place.

Related Posts

‘You can’t pay off COVID fines using free drink cards’, Zhivago owners told

20 July, 2020

20 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT After copping thousands of dollars in fines for breaking COVID-19 restrictions, the owners of Zhivago have been told...

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

8 February, 2019

8 February, 2019

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even...

The Queen just found out Elizabeth is named after her and she is fucking pissed

31 May, 2021

31 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT As if her year couldn’t get any worse, Queen Elizabeth II has just learned that the northern Adelaide...

False Advertising: New South Road plans shows vehicles actually moving

14 December, 2021

14 December, 2021

With the longstanding South Australian tradition of South Road upgrades looking to continue for at least another three generations, the...

UniSA law student happy to let you keep thinking he goes to Adelaide

23 May, 2019

23 May, 2019

Despite typically jumping to the defence of UniSA’s law degree, Esteban Cornbox is not in any hurry to correct you...

Tea Tree Plaza puts out Halloween decorations

25 October, 2021

25 October, 2021

Getting into the spooky spirit of things, Modbury’s fourth best shopping centre has donned a festive witches hat to celebrate...

SEN raids Adelaide Mail’s discarded joke cupboard, steals idea for range of Kane Cornes merchandise

9 November, 2021

9 November, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Winners of Australia’s Narrowest Broadcast Area Award two years running, SEN SA have released their very own range...

Despite their name, these things are pretty shithouse at jumps

12 March, 2020

12 March, 2020

Adelaide city has been flooded with hundreds of bright red e-bikes over the past week as Uber “Jump” launched a...

“Yeah that counts as a bath” says dad who has clearly given up for the year

22 December, 2019

22 December, 2019

In what was initially meant to just be letting the kids “dip their feet in” the water play area of...

Fringe comedian claiming to have performed at Edinburgh just told some jokes outside the RAAF base

16 March, 2022

16 March, 2022

As the Adelaide Fringe Festival begins to wind down, some local comedians are resorting to new tactics in an attempt...

Victor Harbor launch new tourism campaign, “We’re Missing U”

13 May, 2020

13 May, 2020

As travel restrictions ease, Victor Harbor launches a new tourism campaign

Next election, let’s just all vote for Cosi and see what happens

24 May, 2019

24 May, 2019

With the Federal Election over and not a great deal changing, aside from increased health-care costs for the poor, many...

Wayne Weidemann’s glorious mullet immortalised in bronze statue

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

Never a city to be outdone by Melbourne, today Adelaide unveiled it’s very own bronze statue in response to Tayla...

Griffins Hotel to start opening up for THREE hours a month to keep up with massive demand spike

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT It’s the hub of Adelaide nightlife around the north-eastern side of Hindmarsh Square. The Griffins Hotel is the...

Dover Gardens man with a cold ends up in taxi to Novar Gardens

14 October, 2019

14 October, 2019

After leaving after-work Friday drinks in the city early because they were feeling a little under the weather, Al Lurgey...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: