15 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Urgent health alert issued for anybody who visited PJ’s on a Thursday in the mid-2000s

TRENT BARTLETT

People who visited an Irish-themed Adelaide city pub on a Thursday night after 9pm in the mid-2000s are being urged to self-isolate immediately and get themselves tested for a litany of diseases, none of which coronavirus.

SA Health issued the warning today for all people who visited a Ladies Night at the venue any time from 2000 through until 2009, with particular concern for those who visited around 2005, when floors were particularly sticky for some reason.

Head of infectious disease control and unpacking the office dishwasher because “nobody else around here seems to have a pair of bloody hands” Dr Geraldine Windamere told Adelaide Mail that she is particularly concerned for those who took home partners from the Irish pub.

‘We’re still learning, of course, but we do know that those who attended the bar could have been exposed to a range of diseases from your run-of-the-mill chlamydia to whatever the hell those uni kids all seemed to have when they came in on that pub crawl with sores around their mouths,’ Dr Windamere said.

‘We’re urging anybody who visited PJ’s during the times outlined to immediately start isolating themselves from others…mainly because they clearly make awful decisions and we’re not sure we can trust you influencing what others are doing in this trying time.’

Still, worth it for the free vodkas.

Tags: in Life, News
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