2 October, 2022

Yatala Vale resident tired of explaining it’s nowhere near the prison

A resident of Yatala Vale, a picturesque semi-rural suburb in Adelaide’s outer north-east, is fed up being asked if she lives next to Yatala Labour Prison.

After years of being questioned if she’s worried about prisoners escaping and breaking into her house, or if she can see over the walls from her bedroom, Louise Scriendor has given every explanation possible, but people still refuse to believe her.

‘I keep telling people it’s like 15 kilometers away, but nobody listens’, Louise told Adelaide Mail ‘I carry a map of the metropolitan area in my handbag everywhere I go. I’ve even tried to pronounce it differently “Yu-tar-lar Vale”, but that hasn’t worked either’.

Louise states the continual debacle has taken a huge toll on her livelihood ‘I can’t get a pizza delivered, taxis won’t take me home, no pool-cleaners will do a house call and it’s always such a hassle always taking it to them. Get this, last week a friend suggested we catch up for coffee at her place instead of mine because it might be too dangerous being so close to the jail, I was like “Bitch, you live in Northfield!”’

The situation has become so dire that Louise has been attempting to sell her property for over two years, but has been unable to attract prospective buyers because nobody wants to live near the prison.

The final straw came last week when Louise’s boss asked if she wears an orange jumpsuit when she works from home. After Louise professionally and politely tried to explain, her boss replied ‘Northern suburbs, North-Eastern suburbs, it’s all the same’.

Understandably enraged by this statement, Louise stated the last thing she remembered before blacking out was leaping over the desk with a letter opener in hand.

Louise had to conclude the interview with Adelaide Mail reporters promptly as she was escorted back to her cell.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Business who still hasn’t added 8 to phone number probably shonky

18 October, 2019

18 October, 2019

A television and VCR repair shop on Goodwood Road in Adelaide’s inner south is staring the wind of change in...

Man plays quick 9 at Holey Moley before last year’s gift card expires

24 December, 2019

24 December, 2019

A Somerton Park man has knocked off work early in a frantic rush to get to novelty mini golf course...

Masks mandates for Adelaide public transport to return because you’re all ugly and stink

30 September, 2022

30 September, 2022

One week after the requirement for masks to be worn on public transport was lifted, it has been decided that...

“Reality’s hitting home” – Now my shortcut through David Jones to the car park is gone!

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

Everything had been fine up until this point. You know, it’s bad and all that, I’m not trivialising the seriousness...

Old Le Cornu site to become new Swedish Furniture store ‘De Körneu’

22 May, 2019

22 May, 2019

The Adelaide City Council has made the announcement of what will finally be done with the ever controversial old Le...

Suburb of Devon Park to be renamed Fritz Park

7 January, 2019

7 January, 2019

In an act of South Australian patriotism, a successful campaign by residents has led to the inner north suburb of...

Looming end of winter great news for cable tie manufacturers

15 August, 2019

15 August, 2019

The looming end of Adelaide’s winter signifies two things for most South Australians: re-emerging from your house at night after...

Midnight Pharmacy seriously gives no fucks anymore

28 February, 2019

28 February, 2019

What was once an innovative practice for the early 2000’s, in an age where South Australian pharmacies were banned from...

Gays Arcade forced to change name after experts confirm it’s more of a mall

12 July, 2019

12 July, 2019

The LGBTQIA community (Laneway, Galleria, Business, Trader, Quickie-Mart, Independent retailer, and Arcade) are rejoicing as experts have changed the name...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

Move over Mods! This wrestler’s changing his name to Ian Perrie in tribute of the OTHER Crows legend

29 October, 2020

29 October, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Earlier this week it was revealed that a WWE wrestler had changed his name to that of former...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Elizabeth to be renamed Earlizabeth in honour of new King

16 September, 2022

16 September, 2022

BREAKING NEWS: Queen Elizabeth has died. As a result of this shocking and sudden death of a woman who lived...

Para Hills resident claims she’s from the Adelaide Hills

14 February, 2019

14 February, 2019

Seeking to up her social status and property value, Brittney Mounts of Para Hills has decided that her suburb counts...

Subscribe to Adelaide Mail for a free set of headphones

25 June, 2019

25 June, 2019

With the state’s largest satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, currently attempting to lure the fellow kids into subscribing to their state...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: