27 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Haigh’s prepare store for influx of Greeks this week

With the traditional Christian-Easter done and dusted and most of Adelaide in a pre-diabetic state, iconic chocolatiers Haigh’s have undertaken a hasty re-brand of their Adelaide stores in an attempt to secure the Greek market.

Assistant vice-chief of marketing, Iva Cocoabean stated that the iconic store frontage and shop interior will ‘go greek’ until next Sunday.

‘We’ve undertaken a lot of market research, and have found that Greek-Australians are typically buying their Easter chocolates at a reduced priced from the chain stores, so we knew something had to be done to attract this market.’ stated Iva.

Based purely on viewing half an episode of Acropolis Now, a Con the Fruiterer skit, and the Con Polites episode of AdeLOL podcast, for the next week, the Rundle Mall Haigh’s store will now run a Lamb Gyros spit and play LCD’s ‘Zorba’s Dance’ club remix on repeat.

‘The lengths we have gone to is quite extraordinary,’ continued Iva ‘in an attempt to gain the market we’ve completely redone the whole store, hired some of those dancing guys in the white dresses and even given our staff lessons in Greek-Austral slang. However, we know what will really attract the Greek crowd is simply lowering the prices of easter eggs for the next “cuppla’-days”.’

If you thought this article was slightly inappropriate, give a listen to AdeLOL’s “Heaps Good History” podcast episode about Con Polites. Sheesh, what a terrible Greek accent.

Related Posts

“South Boy” reckons Christies is heaps rougher than Smithfield

25 February, 2020

25 February, 2020 1

Despite never having travelled north of Prospect, Witton Huntfield of Christies Beach firmly believes that Adelaide’s southern suburbs are far...

Seeing a gap in the market, all OTRs start serving pancakes 24/7

17 June, 2019

17 June, 2019

With the Pancake Kitchen no longer operating 24 hours a day during the week, the OTR overlords have announced the...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

Adelaide Crows external review results revealed: Shit’s fucked

11 October, 2019

11 October, 2019

The Adelaide Football Club have revealed the results of a six week-long, in-depth external review of both its on and...

Mysterious combination of words unable to be deciphered by South Australians

8 August, 2018

8 August, 2018

Strange and possibly cryptic signs have been posted alongside South Australian major roads and highways. However, it is yet to...

Frewville Foodland security guard not really sure why he’s there either

6 July, 2018

6 July, 2018

Seven years since taking up the role, Derek Hughes has yet to chase, apprehend, or even caution a suspect person...

Every Polites building to be heritage listed in 2020

6 September, 2019

6 September, 2019

In a surprising move by the SA Heritage Listing Council, it has been deemed that each and every Polites building...

The Advertiser returns to 100% satire following April Fools’ prank

2 April, 2019

2 April, 2019 1

It is a publication that has always gone to great lengths to get a laugh from South Australians. From the...

Latest Georgina Downer anti-ALP advertisement seems legit

25 February, 2019

25 February, 2019

Despite the controversial first video starring a “concerned citizen” who just happened to be the previous State Director of the...

Torrens NYE “just as good as Darling Harbour” says cash-strapped dad

30 December, 2018

30 December, 2018

Following intensive rallying by his two sons calling for a new year’s eve trip to Sydney, Walton Erudite has made...

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

8 February, 2019

8 February, 2019

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even...

Mall’s Balls beginning to sag with age

6 August, 2018

6 August, 2018

Since 1977 they have proudly been on display for all to see, but it appears time is catching up the...

Desperate for a vaccine, people start lining up for Shotz like it’s 2005

26 March, 2020

26 March, 2020

As the world scrambles to find a vaccine for COVID-19, desperate and clearly confused South Australians are looking for anywhere...

Adelaide once again ranked as top Australian capital city alphabetically

15 June, 2018

15 June, 2018

For the 182nd year running, Adelaide has continued to shine as our nation’s top ranking capital city when ordered from A to Z.

ShitAdelaide changes name to MAFSadelaide

8 April, 2019

8 April, 2019

Originally a source of general ridicule at the expense of Adelaide’s drunk and poor, the mysterious owners behind Instagram account...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: