9 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Haigh’s prepare store for influx of Greeks this week

With the traditional Christian-Easter done and dusted and most of Adelaide in a pre-diabetic state, iconic chocolatiers Haigh’s have undertaken a hasty re-brand of their Adelaide stores in an attempt to secure the Greek market.

Assistant vice-chief of marketing, Iva Cocoabean stated that the iconic store frontage and shop interior will ‘go greek’ until next Sunday.

‘We’ve undertaken a lot of market research, and have found that Greek-Australians are typically buying their Easter chocolates at a reduced priced from the chain stores, so we knew something had to be done to attract this market.’ stated Iva.

Based purely on viewing half an episode of Acropolis Now, a Con the Fruiterer skit, and the Con Polites episode of AdeLOL podcast, for the next week, the Rundle Mall Haigh’s store will now run a Lamb Gyros spit and play LCD’s ‘Zorba’s Dance’ club remix on repeat.

‘The lengths we have gone to is quite extraordinary,’ continued Iva ‘in an attempt to gain the market we’ve completely redone the whole store, hired some of those dancing guys in the white dresses and even given our staff lessons in Greek-Austral slang. However, we know what will really attract the Greek crowd is simply lowering the prices of easter eggs for the next “cuppla’-days”.’

If you thought this article was slightly inappropriate, give a listen to AdeLOL’s “Heaps Good History” podcast episode about Con Polites. Sheesh, what a terrible Greek accent.

Related Posts

Next 8 hours of office chat reserved for ‘that weather last night’

11 July, 2019

11 July, 2019

When the most interesting thing to happen to the typical office employee between the hours of 5pm and 9am is...

Adelaide Uni law student disappoints family of doctors

24 April, 2019

24 April, 2019

Sometimes having the best opportunities in life does not necessarily lead to fulfilling every expectation. Few things illuminate this concept...

Local pisshead really enjoying this ‘Dry July’ so far

3 July, 2019

3 July, 2019

Regency Park resident and drunkard Al Koholic has had a fantastic, albeit technically wrong, start to the popular ‘Dry July’ campaign. ‘When...

Confused F1 fan arrives in Albert Park, SA ahead of Grand Prix

14 March, 2019

14 March, 2019

Lanyard Boystongue didn’t know what to expect upon arriving in Adelaide ahead of the 2019 Australian Formula One Grand Prix....

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Chunky Custard to be inducted into SA’s Rock n Roll Hall of Lame

11 October, 2018

11 October, 2018

Since the early 90’s, cover band Chunky Custard have been donning the zany wigs, crazy costumes and slightly outdated references....

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

In hindsight, 16-page full-colour catalogues delivered to every SA house every 3 days probably wasn’t great for business

16 December, 2019

16 December, 2019

With the news breaking that iconic South Australian department store Harris Scarfe has been placed into voluntary administration, operators are...

Norwood cafe Argo to begin taking bookings for those who just want to line up

24 October, 2018

24 October, 2018

In a move described by industry experts as ‘revolutionary’, the popular eastern suburbs brunch spot Argo is to begin taking...

Gawler line revealed to have nation’s lowest headphones-to-phone ratio

8 October, 2019

8 October, 2019

A new study has revealed that Adelaide’s northernmost train line leads the country in instances of mobile phones playing loud,...

Sober Sea & Vines patron can still hear DJ Ötzi’s Hey Baby in his ears

11 June, 2019

11 June, 2019

Having committed to a well-intentioned but poorly-timed ‘month off the turps’ Alsace Lorraine found himself as designated driver for this...

New digital Adelaide Metro bus arrival signs to be installed pre-broken

3 October, 2018

3 October, 2018

In an effort to increase efficiency and reduce complaints, Adelaide Metro will be installing their new digital signs at transit...

SA tells WA ‘Only we have the skills to maintain problem-riddled subs’

13 August, 2019

13 August, 2019

With Western Australia circling Adelaide’s lucrative Collins Class Submarine maintenance contract, SA’s western counterparts have been told to ‘Back off,...

ShitAdelaide changes name to MAFSadelaide

8 April, 2019

8 April, 2019

Originally a source of general ridicule at the expense of Adelaide’s drunk and poor, the mysterious owners behind Instagram account...

Munno Para driverless bus somehow involved in road rage incident

17 July, 2019

17 July, 2019

A minibus that operates without anybody behind the steering wheel has somehow become embroiled in a road rage incident in...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: