NANNY STATE GONE MAD! Asbestos sand to be replaced with safer plutonium dust across SA schools

TRENT BARTLETT

A controversial trial to contaminate coloured sand with asbestos in sandpits across SA preschools has come to an end following a typical outcry from wowsers and the Nanny State.

A replacement sand product contaminated with a comparably safer plutonium dust will now be rolled out across schools and pre-schools.

Head of Facebook Comments on Advertiser Articles for the SA Cantankerous Boomers Association, Alan Globulin told Adelaide Mail that kids today “can’t do anything without their hand held or a screen in front of their face”.

“Wed be out on the playground every single lunch time and if u didnt come back with a splinter or 2 then our teachers would send us back OUT to actually have some PROPER FUN 😤😤😤🤬🤬😂,” Globulin told us via his favoured method of communication, a poorly-written, emoji-laden Facebook comment.

“The playground was MADE from asbestos and wed be eating the lead paint chips because they were delicious, and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH OUR GENERATION.. if your worried about asbestos than do the sniff test like we use to 👃.

Authorities confirmed the new plutonium-enhanced product will be available in three colours, “Atomic Yellow”, “Glowing Green” and “Mysteriously Screaming Red” and will come with a free Geiger counter if parents download the new SA Health Junior Radiological Exposure App.