28 March, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Councillor Anne Moran proposes demolishing all buildings over 1m tall

TRENT BARTLETT

Adelaide City Councillor and development containment officer Anne Moran will put to council a bold plan to demolish all permanent structures in the CBD and North Adelaide that exceed a height limit of one metre.

The motion is being touted as ‘vitally important in guaranteeing that North Adelaide residents maintain their views of the Adelaide Hills for years to come and I don’t see what’s wrong with living in houses that are one metre tall, it’ll be funny like a Roald Dahl book or a Dr Seuss story’.

I expect that crouching will become infinitely more popular

Whimsical children’s storytelling aside, most buildings in the CBD (and also everywhere else) exceed the proposed height limit, but Cr Moran says that residents value their views of the Adelaide Hills more than living in ‘big tall skyscrapers’.

‘People will adjust’, the councillor told the Adelaide Mail, ‘I’d expect that evolution will take its course within a few years and residents will begin to grow shorter and shorter until about 2025 when the average human height in the CBD is 90 centimetres. Now that’s progress!’

When asked how buildings of one metre in height will be practical for the demands of the modern office, Moran responded ‘I expect that crouching will become infinitely more popular’.

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