11 December, 2023

New Adelaide bar without a neon sign probably doomed

It’s in a prime location and serves the best cocktails in a welcoming environment, but something is missing at Adelaide’s newest bar “Sister’s Soul”.

Since opening three weeks ago in an old bubble tea premises just off Hindley Street, Sister’s Soul has not had one single customer, despite a huge marketing campaign and even offering local Instagram influencers free drinks for every post.

‘We can’t understand what we’re doing wrong’, explained bar owner Monica Tippledipple ‘we’ve got the best fit-out, play the best music and serve the cheapest drinks in the CBD, but nobody is coming through the door’.

For answers, Adelaide Mail consulted South Australia’s leading small-bar economist and Centrelink recipient, Harry Linetrimmer, who after a moderate consultancy fee stated ‘The Adelaide local bar and club economy is driven entirely by Insta-baes. Now, the thing with these basic girls is they could not possibly use their own initiative and think for themselves to find a new bar, they have to see their friends with more followers there first. So with Sister’s Soul not having a garish indoor neon sign like every other Adelaide bar, they’re missing out on an opportunity for women aged 18-30 to pose and post to their timeline, which ultimately attracts other Insta-baes to follow suit. Have you seen the line up at Cry Baby? That’s clearly not for the high-end environment, it’s to get a selfie with the sign’.

We can’t understand what we’re doing wrong

Linetrimmer continued ‘an Adelaide bar in 2019 will simply not draw customers without a neon sign. It provides the perfect contrasting lighting for a less than stunning wannabe influencer using the slim-face feature to pose next to, plus neon signs look amazing with the Mayfair filter. Adelaide basic girls are attracted to neon lights like moths are attracted to…well, neon lights.’

Upon providing this news back to Sister’s Soul owners, they stated ‘Well most of our budget has already been blown, but we’ll chuck a couple of bug zappers up and see what happens. Our best hope for new customers now is that there’s a fight between some homeless guys out the front and ShitAdelaide posts it to their page, that’s the kind of exposure we’d really love’.

Related Posts

Last SA made Commodore sells for 750k. Last SA made Mitsubishi 380 still unsold at 3k ONO.

1 February, 2021

1 February, 2021

As the last ever South Australian made Holden Commodore sold at auction for $750,000 over the weekend, a similarly iconic...

City dads mourn the closure of their sole fashion source

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

Dads from around Adelaide have gathered to pay silent tribute to their sole source of clothing and style advice following...

Elon Musk regrets not getting a second slab of West End from The Commercial Hotel in Jamestown

28 June, 2018

28 June, 2018

Global entrepreneur and deadset legend, Elon Musk, is still reminiscing about installing the world’s largest battery in South Australia’s far...

Guy who loved Casino’s Loco Bar drink stock market now heaps into crypto

27 January, 2022

27 January, 2022

HODL THE LIME: In the early 2000’s when the Adelaide Casino first figured out the fact that they could further...

The real puzzle is how nobody died

6 August, 2019

6 August, 2019

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

“SA needs more live music” says Harvest Rock punter before ignoring live music for another 6 months

30 October, 2023

30 October, 2023

TRENT BARTLETT Music promoters have been left wondering whether there might still be life in Adelaide’s schedule of touring international...

Bus uses self-destruct function after learning it will be servicing new Hackham to Hillbank route

19 May, 2020

19 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT An Adelaide Metro bus who recently learned that it will be redeployed into a new route servicing some...

Demolished North East Road servo to be subdivided into multiple North East Road servos

17 January, 2023

17 January, 2023

A Collinswood service station on North East Road is currently undergoing demolition, leaving many residents and commuters wondering as to...

Milo Kerrigan inducted into SA Sporting Hall of Fame

22 July, 2020

22 July, 2020

S-S-SOWWFORSTRAYLLEEYYAH: The SA Sporting Hall of Fame recognises sporting heroes that have helped shape South Australian culture and inspired our future...

AFP raids Adelaide Mail offices only to find Xavier Minniecon

5 June, 2019

5 June, 2019

One year after publishing a damning exposé on the existence of the fictional suburb Kingswood, Australian Federal Police officers have...

Unley Mum-of-three wine drunk for forty-seventh consecutive night under guise of “supporting local”

9 June, 2020

9 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Unley mother and professional car park line-ignorer* Gelded Coolslap is looking at seven straight weeks without a sober...

Researchers remain baffled at financial viability of shop in Station Arcade

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

After two years spent attempting to understand the specific economics of Adelaide’s Station Arcade, researchers are no closer to answering...

Advertiser censors front page advertisement

21 October, 2019

21 October, 2019

Putting up a united front against secrecy and journalistic censorship, South Australia’s leading satirical news service has joined multiple papers...

Latest Georgina Downer anti-ALP advertisement seems legit

25 February, 2019

25 February, 2019

Despite the controversial first video starring a “concerned citizen” who just happened to be the previous State Director of the...

Comments

Leave a Reply