28 May, 2023

New Adelaide bar without a neon sign probably doomed

It’s in a prime location and serves the best cocktails in a welcoming environment, but something is missing at Adelaide’s newest bar “Sister’s Soul”.

Since opening three weeks ago in an old bubble tea premises just off Hindley Street, Sister’s Soul has not had one single customer, despite a huge marketing campaign and even offering local Instagram influencers free drinks for every post.

‘We can’t understand what we’re doing wrong’, explained bar owner Monica Tippledipple ‘we’ve got the best fit-out, play the best music and serve the cheapest drinks in the CBD, but nobody is coming through the door’.

For answers, Adelaide Mail consulted South Australia’s leading small-bar economist and Centrelink recipient, Harry Linetrimmer, who after a moderate consultancy fee stated ‘The Adelaide local bar and club economy is driven entirely by Insta-baes. Now, the thing with these basic girls is they could not possibly use their own initiative and think for themselves to find a new bar, they have to see their friends with more followers there first. So with Sister’s Soul not having a garish indoor neon sign like every other Adelaide bar, they’re missing out on an opportunity for women aged 18-30 to pose and post to their timeline, which ultimately attracts other Insta-baes to follow suit. Have you seen the line up at Cry Baby? That’s clearly not for the high-end environment, it’s to get a selfie with the sign’.

We can’t understand what we’re doing wrong

Linetrimmer continued ‘an Adelaide bar in 2019 will simply not draw customers without a neon sign. It provides the perfect contrasting lighting for a less than stunning wannabe influencer using the slim-face feature to pose next to, plus neon signs look amazing with the Mayfair filter. Adelaide basic girls are attracted to neon lights like moths are attracted to…well, neon lights.’

Upon providing this news back to Sister’s Soul owners, they stated ‘Well most of our budget has already been blown, but we’ll chuck a couple of bug zappers up and see what happens. Our best hope for new customers now is that there’s a fight between some homeless guys out the front and ShitAdelaide posts it to their page, that’s the kind of exposure we’d really love’.

Related Posts

Chairman Mao’s portrait to be replaced with image of Pasquale Mastrangelo

16 August, 2018

16 August, 2018

The famous gates of Beijing’s Forbidden City are about to receive a real estate agent-inspired makeover, courtesy of Adelaide commercial...

Gays Arcade forced to change name after experts confirm it’s more of a mall

12 July, 2019

12 July, 2019

The LGBTQIA community (Laneway, Galleria, Business, Trader, Quickie-Mart, Independent retailer, and Arcade) are rejoicing as experts have changed the name...

AFL “Magic Round” just Ian Perrie sawing Wayne Weidemann in half

11 November, 2022

11 November, 2022

With the first AFL “Magic Round” to be held in Adelaide in 2023, excitement and speculation has begun in regards...

Victor Harbor opens new Youth Centre for local adolescents aged 55-70

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

In an attempt at engaging the region’s younger demographic, Victor Harbor has launched a hip new hangout for residents born...

Pandemic revealed to be just another classic gotcha call that got out-of-hand

17 May, 2020

17 May, 2020

Everybody loves a prank, right? From children on YouTube staging murders to brands pretending that they’re selling a new product...

“Menz” Confectionery to change name to “Personz”

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020 1

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD?: In a bid to gain greater market share and simultaneously not offend anyone, Menz Confectionery, the creator...

UniSA law student happy to let you keep thinking he goes to Adelaide

23 May, 2019

23 May, 2019

Despite typically jumping to the defence of UniSA’s law degree, Esteban Cornbox is not in any hurry to correct you...

LIFE HACK: Did you guys know you can just drive up Mount Lofty?

10 August, 2022

10 August, 2022

Hey, so we’re not sure if this is widely known or not, but judging by the amount of people we...

Richmond Road mural fined for deceptive and confusing advertising of state

23 February, 2020

23 February, 2020

A Mile End South mural emblazoned with the boastful phrase “South Australia leads the world” has been punished for displaying...

Rundle Mall buskers now allowed to expand their repertoire beyond Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

17 December, 2018

17 December, 2018

In a controversial move, the Adelaide City Council has agreed to a trial period where buskers can perform songs that...

Woman hailed as genius for finding secret express route from City to TTP

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

TRENT BARTLETT Victorian motorist Ransack Platoon has been labelled as a genius by motoring groups after discovering a shortcut that...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

SA girl Cassie Sainsbury reportedly excited for upcoming “White Wedding”

19 November, 2021

19 November, 2021

TOM STEWART With news breaking yesterday that local girl Cassandra Sainsbury is engaged, it is reported she is now looking...

Valley Butchers unsure why anybody would be offended by new sign

18 September, 2019

18 September, 2019

An Adelaide butcher who was found to have breached advertising standards by displaying a sign that read ‘Non Halal Certified’...

Fullarton Road servo sells out of these sunnies for some reason

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In what has been described by economists as an unpredicted and alarming spike in demand, a Fullarton Road service station...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: