5 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Hindley Street to become 100% shisha bars by 2020, study reveals

New research into economic trends in Adelaide’s west end reveals that the city’s most famous nightstrip is heading towards wall-to-wall shisha bars by as early as next year.

The study, carried out by Adelaide Research & Survey Estimates (ARSE), finds that new shisha bars are opening at an unparallelled rate of four per day.

Chief economist for ARSE Eeta Greenspan told the Adelaide Mail ‘we haven’t seen anything like this since the proliferation of Bubble Tea stores. We know in Melbourne we have seen one suburb become literally nothing but bubble tea’.

Our estimates show that we’re looking at the greater Hindley Street area being consumed by shisha bars and a thick cloud of delightful smelling vapour by about June next year

‘Former libraries, service stations, shops have all become bubble tea stores’, Greenspan continues. ‘The roads have become bubble tea, basic services like electricity have been replaced by bubble tea. Even the weather elements. There’s no rain anymore, it’s been replaced by those little tapioca balls that you get in the bottom of bubble tea’.

‘Our estimates show that we’re looking at the greater Hindley Street area being consumed by shisha bars and a thick cloud of delightful smelling vapour by about June next year. Luckily, complete inundation is being held off at this stage by a strong defence of ubiquitous bars aimed at single twenty-somethings who exclusively drink $20 espresso martinis while asking ‘have you tried this new café yet?’

in Life, News
Related Posts

SA Space Agency aims to explore Planet Nightclub

9 October, 2019

9 October, 2019

Since the establishement of South Australian Space Industry Centre, one strategic plan of the agency has been more important than...

Business who still hasn’t added 8 to phone number probably shonky

18 October, 2019

18 October, 2019

A television and VCR repair shop on Goodwood Road in Adelaide’s inner south is staring the wind of change in...

Elizabeth resident lobbies council to change name to Playholden

17 October, 2019

17 October, 2019

As the third anniversary of the closure of the Holden plant at Elizabeth approaches, lifetime local resident Camira Minnet lobbies...

Adelaide Uni law student disappoints family of doctors

24 April, 2019

24 April, 2019

Sometimes having the best opportunities in life does not necessarily lead to fulfilling every expectation. Few things illuminate this concept...

Entire city somehow surprised by annual road closures again

26 February, 2019

26 February, 2019

Despite a predictable schedule of annual road closures preceded by road signs forewarning motorists weeks in advance, the entire population...

Downer shares anti-vaxx post in attempt to gain Adelaide Hills mum voters

15 May, 2019

15 May, 2019

In a bold move to gain the Adelaide Hills young family voters demographic, Georgina has joined an anti-vaccination facebook group...

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

SA Govt to start shifting truckloads of ‘Whinging Semaphore residents’

9 September, 2019

9 September, 2019

Following weeks of protests, debates and back-and-forth, the state government has finally arrived at a solution that will see their...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Advertiser censors front page advertisement

21 October, 2019

21 October, 2019

Putting up a united front against secrecy and journalistic censorship, South Australia’s leading satirical news service has joined multiple papers...

Keith Conlon announced as new drummer for I Killed The Prom Queen

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

In a bold new move by Adelaide’s metalcore kings I Killed The Prom Queen, the announcement of veteran radio broadcaster...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Old Le Cornu site to become new Swedish Furniture store ‘De Körneu’

22 May, 2019

22 May, 2019

The Adelaide City Council has made the announcement of what will finally be done with the ever controversial old Le...

Local hip-hop trio find religion, rename themselves ‘Hillsong Hoods’

29 May, 2019

29 May, 2019

In a move that has shocked the hip-hop community, Adelaide’s most influential hip-hop group, Hilltop Hoods, have announced a change...

Plans for Adelaide Hills Theme Park ‘Magic Mount Lofty’ announced

22 March, 2019

22 March, 2019

The Adelaide Hills Council have announced development plans for a ‘new’ theme park at the state’s most popular hiking destination...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: